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Original poster

Husband talking to another woman everyday

42 replies

mindc · 13/02/2021 19:22

Would you be bothered if your husband spent his commute about 30 minutes by car talking to another woman on the phone almost every day? It is a work colleague but one that doesn't work on the same team anymore so not work related discussions

OP posts:
Devilment · 13/02/2021 19:31

How do you know? Is he open about this?

Odiona · 13/02/2021 19:32

I guess it depends. How did you find out? Is he sneaky or open about it? I have a male friend for years I talk to on the phone often - when I was with ex husband too. Never nothing sexual ...

Original poster
mindc · 13/02/2021 19:34

It is not me but a friend. She only knows from seeing call logs which he doesn't delete but apparently never mentions this woman or having spoken to her

OP posts:
WhateverJudy · 13/02/2021 19:36

100% not ok and sounds like emotional affair territory (at the least).

MumOfPsuedoAdult · 13/02/2021 19:45

My ex boss (male) and I catch up a couple of times a week for a 'walk and talk', sometimes about work and sometimes just 'chewing the fat' I'm single, he's married. It's never occurred to me that this might be an issue - maybe because he's 10 years younger than me.

seensome · 13/02/2021 19:52

Yes it would worry me that it's everyday - everyday is too much! and found out by looking at call logs, the closeness is kept a secret, never good.

Devilment · 13/02/2021 19:58

I guess it depends on the husband. If he's totally trustworthy then he probably doesn't see the issue.
However if he's not so trustworthy, there will be other pointers. Messages (or lack of) etc.

Itstimetoquit · 13/02/2021 20:10

Yes I would definitely be worried x

StormBaby · 13/02/2021 20:17

If you are pouring that much energy everyday into someone else, that’s an emotional affair. The grass grows where it is watered

TriflePudding · 13/02/2021 20:27

If you are pouring that much energy everyday into someone else, that’s an emotional affair. The grass grows where it is watered

This is so true. It’s not about controlling his friendships/being jealous, it’s about recognising that he is investing a lot of time and energy into this particular friendship, and asking him to think about why.

TrainingAim · 13/02/2021 20:38

Yes, this would bother me a lot. Mainly because I've been the woman in this situation and whilst nothing ever "happened", we're both good people so it was never going to, there was definitely a period when I wasn't emotionally engaged in our marriage as a result and actually, I think the man concerned had it worse than I did.

melissasummerfield · 13/02/2021 20:45

I think it would be considered unusual if a man phones his male best friend everyday for 30 minutes let alone a woman that he only has a loose work relationship with...

The cool wife brigade will be along in a minute suitable outraged that men and women can’t be friends Hmm

Whitecup4 · 13/02/2021 20:46

Yes, but only because they are not involved in work together.

Me at the time (young 18 yo) spoke to a 25 year old guy every morning when he was in his car but it was strictly work related, we would obviously have a laugh now and again but absolutely nothing sinister at both ends. We done it whilst he was in the car to get ahead for the day as it was always busy and meant I got a longer lunch break so win win

His wife raised a eye brow, but after “looking me up on fb and seeing my work stats”- available to all employees so he showed her mine on his- she was fine and didn’t mention it again to him as far as I know.

Hecktotheno · 13/02/2021 21:31

I'm on messenger and more occasionally the phone on and off throughout the working day with a male friend. We are very close and have been friends for more than 30 years. I'm being completely honest here so don't flame me but it does occasionally cross the line past platonic. So going on my personal experience, and possibly projecting, it might not be as bad as you think, but it's likely they're getting something out of it and if I were you I'd want it to stop.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2021 21:31

I would say your friend's husband is playing with fire.

missbriteside · 13/02/2021 21:41

I had this, only saw it as it came up on car phone logs. When I questioned it phone logs got deleted and the calls switched to WhatsApp calls (didn’t come up). Was told I was being paranoid etc and other things started coming up too. We split and they are now together (although he still denies it happened until afterwards). Would keep spidey senses up and keep an eye out for other clues

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 13/02/2021 21:41

It's the never mentioning her bit that would make me suspicious. Surely something would come up like, Oh yes, Lucy said that day today ' or Lucy said her mum's had Covid' whatever. Are there any messages between the two of them?

NotaCoolMum · 13/02/2021 21:45

@melissasummerfield
“The cool wife brigade will be along in a minute suitable outraged that men and women can’t be friends hmm“

I love this- so true! 😆

Original poster
mindc · 13/02/2021 22:10

Apparently no messages no

OP posts:
IsIgnoranceBliss · 14/02/2021 00:02

@MumOfPsuedoAdult

My ex boss (male) and I catch up a couple of times a week for a 'walk and talk', sometimes about work and sometimes just 'chewing the fat' I'm single, he's married. It's never occurred to me that this might be an issue - maybe because he's 10 years younger than me.
It would be an issue for me if my partner was spending so much time and energy with another woman. I don’t even spend that much time with my close friends, let alone an ex-colleague. Does his wife know about the frequency of your chats?
Pluas · 14/02/2021 00:08

[quote NotaCoolMum]@melissasummerfield
“The cool wife brigade will be along in a minute suitable outraged that men and women can’t be friends hmm“

I love this- so true! 😆[/quote]
Not everyone is so clenched and possessive. Pre-COVID, I often talked to a male friend and ex-colleague on his commute, while I was making dinner — it was just a time when we were both free and able to speak. Quite often DH would be beside me on a work call and DS would be around too. Nothing torrid or secretive.

IsIgnoranceBliss · 14/02/2021 00:32

Pluas
a male friend and ex-colleague
DH would be beside me on a work call
It was an ex-colleague, so not a work call?

You say clenched and possessive, others say concern about their partner having an emotional affair.

Kanaloa · 14/02/2021 01:52

It’s odd that it’s never been mentioned to his wife. I speak to my best friend every day and often say to DH ‘oh friend said such and such’ or something. The big issue here is the secrecy - it’s odd to keep a close friendship secret from your spouse.

IsIgnoranceBliss · 14/02/2021 02:03

@IsIgnoranceBliss

Pluas a male friend and ex-colleague DH would be beside me on a work call It was an ex-colleague, so not a work call?

You say clenched and possessive, others say concern about their partner having an emotional affair.

Ignore the comment about the work call. I’ve realised you probably meant your DH was on a work call next to you while you were chatting to another man.
Ladj · 14/02/2021 02:39

I would keep an eye on this, it may be purely innocent, but my husband was talking every day to another woman, eventually I found numerous texts. Nothing at all was suspicious in those texts but there were loads. Just friends he said. 6 months later I found out they were having a full on affair. Just be aware. Because if he is he will lie about it if he can get away with it. I hope its nothing more and maybe it is innocent, but if they talk every day, they will get closer.