Husband talking to another woman everyday

[mindc]

Would you be bothered if your husband spent his commute about 30 minutes by car talking to another woman on the phone almost every day? It is a work colleague but one that doesn't work on the same team anymore so not work related discussions

When they worked together, did he mention her then?

@IsIgnoranceBliss

Pluas a male friend and ex-colleague DH would be beside me on a work call It was an ex-colleague, so not a work call?

You say clenched and possessive, others say concern about their partner having an emotional affair.

No, DH was on a work call, I was regularly talking to a male friend with whom I used to work. With whom I was not having any kind of affair.

I talk to a male work colleague most days - sometimes about work, sometimes about the company, basically just sharing news and gossip, getting advice, having a moan, that sort of thing - he’s like a mate really. I don’t think anything of it. Sometimes my partner heard us but most of the time he doesn’t as he’s off doing his job.

I find it more odd that there friendly enough to have a phone call everyday lasting roughly half an hour... but absolutely no messages at all? That is a red flag in itself.

I chat to a work colleague on the phone every working day for at least half an hour, we've been at the same company for long long time so know each other quite well. We can absolutely wang on for hours about any old shite but that's it, there's nothing more to it, no feelings on either side

Put a recording device in the car.

@moanieleminx

When they worked together, did he mention her then?

Apparently only occasionally.

@24butfeeling80

I find it more odd that there friendly enough to have a phone call everyday lasting roughly half an hour... but absolutely no messages at all? That is a red flag in itself.

But if you're talking daily, surely it's pretty logical you would have no need to message that person? If you had something to say, you would say it during the call.

It depends. I have a male friend that I have chatted to over email or texts pretty much every day or every other day, for the last 25 years. We met on a once in a lifetime experience, clicked straight away and kept in contact.
We don't live close to each other, (different countries now) but have met up a couple of times when our schedules have allowed. I have known him longer than I have known DH.
I have never met his family, he has never met mine. We share photos of special occasions, but mostly we just talk shite and chew the fat. DH knows about him, of course. I guess his DW knows about me, although I have never asked? So for me, it would be completely fine, but now I am wondering if his DW ever discovered the messages, what would she think?

Anyway... I wouldn't be suspicious until my spidery senses told me to be. Obviously she is worried, in that case, she needs to either do some digging or have a chat. I would look at devices if I was really worried, like a PP suggested.
Your poor DF. Not a nice position to be jn.

@moanieleminx

It depends. I have a male friend that I have chatted to over email or texts pretty much every day or every other day, for the last 25 years. We met on a once in a lifetime experience, clicked straight away and kept in contact. We don't live close to each other, (different countries now) but have met up a couple of times when our schedules have allowed. I have known him longer than I have known DH. I have never met his family, he has never met mine. We share photos of special occasions, but mostly we just talk shite and chew the fat. DH knows about him, of course. I guess his DW knows about me, although I have never asked? So for me, it would be completely fine, but now I am wondering if his DW ever discovered the messages, what would she think?

You’ve been chatting to this man almost daily for 25 years and you don’t know if his wife knows about you? That sounds bizarre, like he is keeping his primary relationship separate from his friendship with you. Your intentions may be innocent, but are his? Have any of his messages crossed into emotional affair territory?

Yeah, @IsIgnoranceBliss, it’s definitely likely to be a 25- year emotional affair in which the parties have met all of twice.

@Pluas I speak to my OH all day while he’s home, I still text him when he’s not here.

A person close enough to call for 30 minutes every single day must have a pretty friendly relationship innocent or not. I can’t think of any example of where I’ve never had a message from someone I speak to on a regular basis.. just because we speak on a regular basis?

To have not a single message is strange.

Yes, I would be concerned.

Maybe it’s just a habit they’ve fallen into, and totally innocent. But maybe also entering into emotional affair territory. However, he probably sees it as a platonic friendship.

Seems weird though that this woman never comes up in conversation. Either he just doesn’t see it as an issue, or he’s hiding something.

[quote 24butfeeling80]@Pluas I speak to my OH all day while he’s home, I still text him when he’s not here.

A person close enough to call for 30 minutes every single day must have a pretty friendly relationship innocent or not. I can’t think of any example of where I’ve never had a message from someone I speak to on a regular basis.. just because we speak on a regular basis?

To have not a single message is strange.[/quote]
But I think that's different. If you speak to someone in a defined 30-minute slot most days, you'd probably just remember to say whatever it is the next time you talk. I text my husband a lot, too, given that we're both WFH and see one another all the time, but the vast majority of those texts are about grocery drops to our parents, picking something up when one of us is out, or something to do with DS -- whereas I don't think I ever text my best friend, because we have a phone relationship, and there's nothing I need to text her about.

Perhaps your friend should start calling him herself when she thinks they may be speaking. It would be a good way of introducing the topic to him as in, I tried calling you today at... Or if he answers see how quickly he tries to get rid of her.

@IsIgnoranceBliss not at all... just general banter about work, news, we have different cultural backgrounds so share silly stories. I think it would be weird if I asked him if he ever mentioned me to his wife?