Hate OLD!

[Newsinglemum58]

Don't think I can do OLD. Tried it a number of times and always end up deleting my profile. I just hate it..... fake profiles, creepy guys, avoidant men or are only out to waste your time....

In these times it's not exactly easy meeting people in everyday life.... what other options are there or should I buy a few cats and give up now?!

Treat it as a bit of fun, something to pass the time. Don't set expectations too high and don't get over invested too soon - have a few on the go at the same time to help avoid this. Compare them and weed out the ones that don't do it for you.
I also did the spreadsheets/tick boxes. I think if you take a scientific approach, you have a much higher chance of successful dates. I went on loads of dates and learnt a lot about myself, what I wanted from a partner, from life, what were complete no-no's.
Yes I did eventually meet my DP through OLD - 2 yrs next month.

I managed to find OH on there. We were both at the point of "last try".
Been together 5 years now and 2 kids 😂 so it is possible to find someone but you have to sift through the 95% sewage to find a decent one... it's exhausting.

@PlinkPlink awww I'm glad you both got lucky... yeah it sounds so exhausting and I'm just not ready for that at the moment I don't think. Maybe if I feel stronger at some point... 😬😬

You have to be constant alert... as time goes on it gets easier to just block as soon as you see a red flag. So you're not wasting your time.

I agree that taking some time to brave it is sometimes necessary. Enjoy being single for a bit 🤩

I have a positive story - I met my current boyfriend (6 months in so far and going great, I think/hope) on my first time on Tinder. We matched and messaged about 2 minutes after my profile went live! (I did match with loads of men to be fair - I had been told it was a numbers game, so was pretty reckless with my swiping! And I’m early 40s and like older men so I think I got a lot of interest for that reason).

I did end up chatting to quite a few of them over the next few days - most were nice I have to say, tho some a bit clingy or a bit boring - but it was clear from the start that by far my biggest sparks were with current BF. We moved it on to WhatsApp within a few messages, and had agreed to meet within the first 24 hours. (Though due to his work, this couldn’t happen for a fair few days - that’s why I carried on chatting to the other men too, just in case). The chat with BF was just brilliant - very funny, loads of stuff in common. It did get a bit flirty on occasion too, tho nothing too strong.

We are both mid-40s, both had recently been dumped by medium-term partners, and both initially were not looking for anything serious, which we agreed before meeting. In fact, I more or less just wanted a fuck-buddy - I certainly wasn’t looking to fall in love. Funny how life works out..... (I am definitely serious about him now and would hope for a future with him if things work out).

First date was lovely - he was even more attractive in the flesh than in his profile pics, and when we talked he was very open about what was clearly an interesting past. He claims he couldn’t tell I fancied him - I think the fact that I kept staring at him and touching his arm should have clued him in! Then at the end we kissed - fireworks!

So I took my Tinder card out of the pack, messaged the other men (the nice ones anyway) to explain that I had met someone and wish them well. And the rest is history.

(Now I have raved about him like this he will probably ghost me today. Perhaps he is already doing it - he hasn’t messaged for a few hours! Oh well, I have his car-keys here, his car and a load of his other stuff, so I’m still winning!)

@Lovelydiscusfish ahh nice to hear another success story... hope it all continues to go well. Fab when life surprises us in a good way. ♥️

[quote Newsinglemum58]@Lovelydiscusfish ahh nice to hear another success story... hope it all continues to go well. Fab when life surprises us in a good way. ♥️ [/quote]
Yeah, it’s bizarre - before this I have had NO luck with men - picked a lot of right bastards, actually, and still bearing the metaphorical scars.

And BF doesn’t SEEM to be about to break my heart, today at least! He text me earlier to remind me to pick up some oven chips (ah, the heady romance!), so unless he intends to dump me and then take them with him (that would be a low blow!). Or believes I will need them to solace me in the misery of my abandonment......

I think the fact that we both went into it without many (or indeed any) expectations was key to our success actually. Certainly on my part. In the past I have tended to cling to my men a little, too early on, because I have always had both eyes on the future and been second-guessing them all the time as to their intentions. This one, I just took it as it came. Not because he didn’t rock my world (in many ways he really did, right from the start) but because my mindset was that I didn’t NEED a man, so if it went wrong, who cared? I actually think I freaked him out a little with my detachment to start with - but way better that than freaking him out with my crazy neediness!

I remember the first time I told him I loved him (I said it first - hadn’t been planning to but it just slipped out) - he was clearly delighted but also astonished and asked me to repeat it about 98 times just to check I meant it....

So, from the very little I know, I would say the key to OLD is to be as chill as possible about it, treat it like a game, don’t invest too much too soon (easier said than done, I know), just treat it like a distraction (after all, there is fuck else to do at the moment), and if you hit the jackpot you do, and if not, at least you have gambled safely, and had a few laughs along the way.....

Good luck, OP! Xxx

At 34 I appear to be too old for many men OLD

@Botoxtime what age range are you looking at? I am 42 and set my age range from 40-60 - but I like older men. (As it happens the one I’ve got is very close to my age, but that’s unusual for me). Lots of the guys who ended up messaging me a lot were late 50s to be fair. (Which would have been absolutely fine, had I clicked with them - love a silver fox, me!)

Obviously it depends what type of men you are attracted to tho - I am by no means suggesting you start chasing the elderly just to up your odds!

I think it is probably easier if you are going for a second-time-rounder (or in mine and my BF’s case, an approx 1937463x rounder - between us we have enough to ex’s to make Henry VIII look like a total amateur!). Trying to find your first The One (no idea if this is the case for you - not making assumptions!) must be a lot harder in this context I imagine.......

Well, I’m in my early 50s and all the 50 something men want someone in their 40s.

I’m getting propositions from 71 year olds - URGH!

There has to be a better way than OLD. Surely?.... how else do people meet a partner?!

StephenBelafonte I am with you. It's so old and stale now. Full of the men that society doesn't want. I recall when I was on there I spoke to big headed men who I would never give the TIME OF DAY in real life but online me and friends said we always felt we lowered our standards.

Much better looking together men would chat me up IRL but online you'd get those that have photos of curtain poles falling down, frilly curtains and wall paper from the 1920's and yellow teeth trying their luck. The type of men who don't try and if they did look decent they were obviously so popular that it was a waste of time getting to know them as they were just on the 'game'.

I'm looking between 30 and 40. I dont really want to go older

@mumieone very true..... I feel bad being rude to people but you get the guys you aren't remotely interested in or attracted to trying their luck and then getting shirty and agro when you try to shake them off. It's a weird place. Lost count of the times I've joined and deleted myself, each time I lose that little bit more hope which makes me think it's just not worth it for me.

The chances of meeting someone in real life in lockdown is virtually nil though isnt it?

@Botoxtime pretty unlikely yes.... unless fate brings me someone who trips and falls into my path! I'm reaching here

What sites are we all using?

While OLD sites didn't work for me: It did for people I know under the age of 32. 2 on match.com married. 2 from POF married.
Also men my age often mentioned they were dating 24 year old girls online and they were all late 40's and above.

I've tried: POF, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Badoo.... and a couple of others - all terrible! Did meet a FWB through Tinder but looking back that might not have been my smartest idea...

I'm on bumble and hinge. hinge is dire!

@Botoxtime yeah hinge is bad I agree.

I just struggle to find anyone to swipe right on! At all

Bumble wasnt too bad the 1st lockdown now its crap but not as bad as hinge!

I’m really intrigued by the spreadsheets. What were the columns/boxes headed? What information was recorded?

I’m 44 and I must say Tinder has been the best for attractive men in my age range, but they all seem to want a fwb situation, which is fine., as that’s what I’m after following my separation.