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Original poster

Tinder? Old?

28 replies

Anyadvice463 · 12/02/2021 16:35

So newly single after 8yrs split last year summer. Literally just signed up for tinder (46 likes apparently in less than 5mins) 🙄 I'm not confident in myself don't think I'm great looking single mum to three children stretch marks galore.

I don't even know what I was thinking signing up for it maybe a distraction? I don't even know if I want a relationship or if I'm just missing company? Also why do you need to sign up for gold to see who liked you? I think I've lost my mind. Definitely not looking for a casual hook up but the thought of being alone scares me I'm only 31 and feel like I have lost everything. Please tell me am I crazy joining tinder? Would you recommend another site?

OP posts:
saffire · 12/02/2021 16:38

I thought tinder was just for hookups?
Go for a site where men have to pay - they will be a bit more serious then.

ItisLikethis · 12/02/2021 16:41

I recently deleted my Tinder account. Too many weirdos on OLD, IME.

litterbird · 12/02/2021 16:41

Nothing wrong with Tinder ( in my opinion) you may get others saying the opposite! I was 53 when I joined and out of all the OLD sites I joined, Tinder was the best. Although I am in a relationship for the last 18 months...met IRL not OLD, my first date from Tinder is still a good friend of mine 3 years on and we chat frequently. He's a lovely guy, just didn't happen for us eventually. However, I had many dates from Tinder, most really nice gentlemen. I didn't really know what I wanted or what I was doing either. I just went with the flow. Only went onto OLD for half an hour in the evening to check out messages. Filter out the crap ones and chatted with some nice fellas. Dont have high expectations just use it as a tool to try and start communicating with new people. Keep your wits about you for duds and just enjoy it if you can. Dont stress just have a bit of fun....you never know!

Original poster
Anyadvice463 · 12/02/2021 16:44

I don't even know what made me install it I accidentally swiped right (daughter made me jump and I tried to hide my phone 😫) but it was a match I feel like I've got anxiety I don't think I can do this 🙈 I didn't realise tinder was for hookups?!

OP posts:
litterbird · 12/02/2021 16:46

Tinder isn't for hook ups...there are men looking for hookups on every OLD site going! If you have anxiety over this then perhaps its not the right time for you to do this. Leave it for another 6 months when the pandemic is slowly going and you can meet men in pubs and bar situations. It might feel a bit less awkward for you?

Jaffacake007 · 12/02/2021 16:47

I met my partner on tinder

We've been together 3 years and have an 8 month old baby. I'm honestly obsessed with him 😍

You just have to be verrrrry selective!!!

mootymoo · 12/02/2021 16:48

It's not just hook ups now but there are a good splattering of married men and those only looking for casual relationships. It's a bit of fun but you need a thick skin. Just set your parameters and get swiping - don't give any personal details out eg phone until you can check out who they really are. I had dates from tinder but met dp on a paid for site

Original poster
Anyadvice463 · 12/02/2021 16:48

I don't even know if I'll ever be comfortable dating again it's such a scary lonely place to be in. I haven't even done a bio somehow single mum of three doesn't sound too appealing 😞 I don't even know what to write.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anyadvice463 · 12/02/2021 16:49

How do you set parameters?

OP posts:
litterbird · 12/02/2021 16:51

A lot of men dont bother reading the bio, they look at the picture and then message...I know, its brutal....but as long as you are up front with what your situation is then they either disappear or continue to chat.

izbelle · 12/02/2021 18:02

I'm on tinder. My bio mentions that I'm a single mum of 3 and I have no shortage of matches - being a mum doesn't make you any less appealing. Wouldn't say the men are just looking for hook ups either. There's all kinds on there. Worth a shot, I've had some fantastic dates and being a mum hasn't been an issue, I'm not looking for anyone to be involved with my family life but I'm upfront about being a mum to make it clear that I don't have a lot of free time

GaraMedouar · 12/02/2021 18:09

I’m on tinder and I’m early fifties. I definitely am not looking for hook ups , and I also say I’m a single mum - just so anyone who swipes knows I have childcare responsibilities. I’ve had some chats - messages and a couple of phone calls. No dates as yet but I only signed up in lockdown .
Some men are upfront and say they’re married or only looking for sex etc - I just ignore those ones!

EarthSight · 12/02/2021 18:14

I've never used Tinder, but my impression is that a lot of men use it just for casual flings and sex. They are often baffled as to why so many women use it for relationships, and seem hurt when they don't call them after a one night stand. There are always exceptions of course.

snownomore13 · 12/02/2021 18:15

You don't have to put you are a single mum.
Also tinder isn't just for hooks up, my bf met her first ever dp in there and they just bought a house 4 yrs later.

I met my ex in a club after 4 years I'm single with a dc lol 😂

OLD is no different then meeting men or women in any other setting you just can meet more than you would on a day/ night out

Phwooooar · 12/02/2021 18:18

I’m 58. Went on Tinder 5 years ago after being encouraged by a work friend. Married my Tinder man in December. It’s not just for hook ups!

KirstenBlest · 12/02/2021 18:21

Not on Tinder, and am much older than you.

I don't bother with the ones that send a message saying 'Hi' and nothing else. Most of them say I'm stunning, which I obviously am not.

I read the profile and if it is obvious why they are single (boring or weird), I don't bother.

Look at the on-line dating threads for things to look out for.

Original poster
Anyadvice463 · 12/02/2021 18:29

Thank you for the encouragement guys! I think I'll keep dipping my toes and see what happens its just all so daunting 😥

OP posts:
Hullish · 12/02/2021 20:13

I didn’t take it too seriously, I just used it as something to pass the time in an evening when the kids were in bed.

See how you get on with it, you can I match people easily and you can delete your profile if you decide it’s not for you.

TheVolturi · 12/02/2021 20:22

Never done old, been married for a long time, but I would think that putting that you have kids is not a good idea, only because there are some perverts who will seek out women with children.

Multicover · 12/02/2021 20:29

I met DH on Tinder.
Love of my life Smile

Littlepaws18 · 12/02/2021 20:41

If you go on a pay site, the other men on there had to pay too, meaning they are willing to invest in a relationship rather than a shag. Tinder is notorious for this.

CrimsonFlags · 12/02/2021 21:06

@Littlepaws18 Good advice. Tinder is full of creeps.

Notcoolmum · 12/02/2021 21:29

Once you get to a certain age it's pretty much expected you (and they) are likely to have kids.

Tinder is no worse than any other site. There are just more men to Wade through. Don't give too much away. Have strict rules for swiping (mine was had to have photo and bio, no kids or women in photos, no bare chests, fish etc). Had to have something about them I liked. I swiped right on about 1 in every 200. Never sent the first message (I think men tend to use a match as a filter whereas women do this at swiping stage).

I've had a few relationships. Currently very happy with my bf of 18 months. We are both mid 40s.

GentlemanJay · 12/02/2021 23:42

@litterbird

A lot of men dont bother reading the bio, they look at the picture and then message...I know, its brutal....but as long as you are up front with what your situation is then they either disappear or continue to chat.
"Bio". It's rare to see a female bio on Tinder.
dazzlinghaze · 13/02/2021 00:07

I met my boyfriend on tinder, we've been together a year and I'm so content! So it's not just for hookups. There definitely are people on there looking for hookups but I found most guys were up front about it if that was the case so it wasn't an issue.

A little tip if you find the amount of people overwhelming: I paid for tinder gold so I could see who had already liked me and I just swiped through those people which narrowed things down a bit and meant I wasn't wasting time sifting through people who might not have even fancied me.

I also found I would get quite overwhelmed if I had too many matches on the go. I would find it difficult to keep up with all the conversations and then would stop replying to people just because I couldn't be bothered having the same introductory chats with loads of guys at the same time. So to help with that I would pick 5 guys to match with and whenever I eliminated one and unmatched I would match with another. That way I only had a handful of conversations running at the one time.

Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for!

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