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Original poster

Domestic abuse- medical records

33 replies

Anonymouseky · 12/02/2021 11:55

When your doctor becomes aware of domestic abuse in your past relationship do the medical codes/ markers they put on yours and your children’s medical notes ever get removed? What about when you’ve left the relationship and the problem is no longer ‘current’? I understand that these things have to be recorded, but I’m terrified that if one of my children accidentally injures themselves and I have to take them to the doctors they will immediately have concerns. I have two very energetic children so I’m expecting a broken limb at some point in their childhood. Seems unfair that this problem follows you around for life even when you’ve escaped the relationship 😔 I want to be able to let my children be children and not live in fear of them falling over or needing any kind of medical attention ever

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 12/02/2021 12:04

No they never get removed i was "spoken to" by a nurse after i took my son to hospital i had a social worker involved due to his dad's arrest and abuse the case had been closed for almost three years by that point i had a partner with me that night she was unimpressed with my reasons for bringing him in so went through the file found out about the prior social services involvement pulled me out the room leaving a nurse supervising my son and partner demanded to know why I said there was no social worker involvement when there clearly was? Why was I lying? Why was I with his dad? I said a, that was closed b, that's not him c, he was screaming blue murder on double pain relief so of course I bought him in "well he isnt screaming now!" She stormed at me I had two paediatric residents examine my son top to toe they did find the cause of the pain but I was watched the entire time my partner offered his drivers licence as proof of who he was it was awful I do not ring out of hours or the doctors unless I really need to

Kitkat151 · 12/02/2021 12:12

A broken limb ( or any injury) will be approached with professional curiosity.....they would be looking to see if the injury is consistent with the parents explanation.....see if the injury is a result of neglect ......and if the child is old enough ask them for an explanation.... they would do this with any child not just one from a family that has had previous children’s services involvement.

Original poster
Anonymouseky · 12/02/2021 12:12

That’s awful. This is exactly what I’m worried about. There needs to be a change in how these things are recorded if the problem isn’t current. There are also 3 different categories that a domestic abuse incident can fall into. In my case it fell into ‘standard’ which is the lowest level and can even include a partner shouting at you! How old was your son when he went to hospital? I’ve had no social worker involvement as such. I just had a phone call from children’s services. Was your social worker involved for a period of time? Sorry to ask so many questions about something which may be difficult to discuss. I’m just so worried about the future now and it’s good to hear other people’s stories

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 12/02/2021 12:20

If you have had no social worker involvement and there are current concerns and you have been seen to leave the relationship in order to safeguard your children I think it’s highly unlikely you will have any marker on your children’s records....there certainly wouldn’t be where I work....,of course previous history will still be recorded in the records if anyone reads back far enough

Kitkat151 · 12/02/2021 12:21

No current concerns

Littlepaws18 · 12/02/2021 12:24

I always mention it even though it was five years ago. The social services interventions were against my partner not myself and I left as soon as I could. But it's part of my daughters history and it's important that medical practitioners have the full story.

Theunamedcat · 12/02/2021 12:37

@Anonymouseky

That’s awful. This is exactly what I’m worried about. There needs to be a change in how these things are recorded if the problem isn’t current. There are also 3 different categories that a domestic abuse incident can fall into. In my case it fell into ‘standard’ which is the lowest level and can even include a partner shouting at you! How old was your son when he went to hospital? I’ve had no social worker involvement as such. I just had a phone call from children’s services. Was your social worker involved for a period of time? Sorry to ask so many questions about something which may be difficult to discuss. I’m just so worried about the future now and it’s good to hear other people’s stories
He was 5 the category was at risk of emotional harm the social worker was very clear my ex was abusive she also said it was my fault despite me asking for him too not have contact with them she insisted that I wanted him back and was very keen to remove my children ultimately I was believed and despite her belief I woukd take him back I never have and never would it was an awful situation but my son was one (almost two) when they got involved and almost three when they left the nurse was being mardy to go through his files like that he had a strange swelling in his neck which was causing him severe pain but you couldn't see it until he was on the examination table and his head was in a certain position even I didnt know it was there I thought he had an ear infection or something (he has speech and language problems) fortunately they found it but she wanted to call the police on me there isn't even an order saying i can't speak to my ex or go to medical appointments with my ex just the opposite in fact he is allowed full access and used to attend some of his hospital appointments with me
Original poster
Anonymouseky · 12/02/2021 14:36

The prejudice and stigma seems to stay forever it seems 😔 I understand why they have to share info and keep records, but I can’t help but there is a risk of medical professionals jumping to the wrong conclusions and looking for things that aren’t really there. When you’ve escaped a situation like that the last thing you need is more judgement and stress. I read somewhere that domestic violence is always recorded on medical records as ‘current’ so it’s immediately visible to medical practitioners. So you never really escape it even when you have 😔

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 12/02/2021 18:29

Exactly that's really the point ridiculous thing was it stopped me going to the doctors for help and support as they always hark back to him the latest one was when I took eldest son in because of his walk I wanted an OT referral they said they thought he was attention seeking because his parents split up acrimoniously (five years ago at that point) he is fucking hypermobile how is that anything to do with my ex husband it took me another 12 months to get an OT assessment there entire lives are marred because of there father everyone blames everything on that apparently im "overprotective" and overreacting but the one time I call social services to protect my children I get yelled at by the first lady I spoke to a case opened a social worker rings me up they call the school only to find ive protected my children appropriately they jumped to the wrong conclusion and wasted time running assessments on ME when I'm not even the problem here

The system is messed up

Original poster
Anonymouseky · 12/02/2021 21:57

I’m honestly terrified at the thought of having to take my children to the doctors or A and E now for anything in case everything is eyed with suspicion. Obviously if they need to go I will have to take them, but I’m going to be a bag of nerves. Plus the school has likely been informed. I feel like we have a big stamp on our heads saying VICTIM and it makes me so incredibly sad and worried about the future. I can’t bear people thinking I’m a bad mum. I’d do anything to protect them

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 12/02/2021 22:08

School are always informed if there has been a police call out for DV....they are informed the next day.....or on the Monday if the incident is over the weekend....it’s called operation encompass....this is so school can support your children if needed.....it’s not so they can judge you

Jackie2022 · 12/02/2021 22:12

There needs to be a change in how these things are recorded if the problem isn’t current.’

Unfortunately some women end up being conditioned by the abuse and either stay with the male in question, or end up with another man just like him. I don’t mean this in a flippant way. Protecting all children means being risk averse and asking these questions to everyone. They can’t take every parent’s word that nothing untoward happened as they could miss saving a child from harm

Moomoolandmoomooland · 12/02/2021 22:23

@Jackie2022

There needs to be a change in how these things are recorded if the problem isn’t current.’

Unfortunately some women end up being conditioned by the abuse and either stay with the male in question, or end up with another man just like him. I don’t mean this in a flippant way. Protecting all children means being risk averse and asking these questions to everyone. They can’t take every parent’s word that nothing untoward happened as they could miss saving a child from harm

This is unfortunately true. For every positive story like the ones on this thread, there are 100 times as many where the abuse is ongoing, the partner is still present in some form and the children are in harms way. About 99% of those people also lie about the relationship not being current as well.
alwaysneedmore · 12/02/2021 22:29

I would always prefer my DV lay on file with my doctors, my abuse was pretty horrific and now whilst I can say I'll never put myself in that position again, I was also the last person I expected to be in that position in the first place, so I'd always welcome someone to question my decision in case once again I'm not making the right one.

category12 · 12/02/2021 22:39

It's not prejudice and you have no reason to worry. It's far better for them to bear this stuff in mind for the children's sake. Any child that slips through the net is a child too many.

Some women take their abusive partners back and hide it from the SS, etc.

Don't let it worry you or make you hesitate to get medical advice, you have nothing to be concerned about.

Jackie2022 · 12/02/2021 22:52

@Moomoolandmoomooland thank you. You’ve hit the nail on the head too.

Jackie2022 · 12/02/2021 22:54

OP although you’ve come out the other side, there’s a couple things you said that concern me. For example:

In my case it fell into ‘standard’ which is the lowest level and can even include a partner shouting at you!

I feel like you’re minimising verbal abuse here. It can be awful and demoralising and scary for a child. It’s not “just merely shouting” as you imply - you’re acting like the hospital are being OTT

I feel like we have a big stamp on our heads saying VICTIM and it makes me so incredibly sad and worried about the future.

Why though? You were a victim, surely the fact that the relevant authorities will take extra care with your children to prevent them from being victims again would reassure you? They are looking out for your children! That should worry you less, if anything. If protecting children is your priority, this shouldn’t make you feel sad as it aligns with your best interest.

live in fear of them falling over or needing any kind of medical attention ever

This is a massive leap and quite dramatic. If nothing untoward has happened to them, you have no need to feel anxious.

Original poster
Anonymouseky · 12/02/2021 23:22

I honestly didn’t mean to minimise verbal abuse. I know it can be horrific. It’s just that when a medical professional sees the DV victim medical code pop up on their screen and on the medical records of a child, I think many would immediately visualise the absolute worst case scenario.

In my case the incident in question was not witnessed by the children and was the only incident in our relationship (of 10 years). Yet it’s still on their school and medical records. I’m concerned that teachers and doctors may let this knowledge cloud their professional judgment. It’s a difficult one because I completely agree that some children do tragically fall through the net so I understand why policies have changed. I do think these policies need fine tuning though. I’m all for the recording of information as long as it is accurate, proportional and detailed rather than a one size fits all.

Kitkat- I read about Operation Encompass and I’m pretty sure my child’s school has been informed. I’m not sure if you work in a school or not, but do you know if this information is recorded in a child’s school file? I will be relocating soon to a completely different area with the children to be closer to family. The move will unfortunately involve a change of school, doctors and everything. Would this information be passed from one school to another?

OP posts:
ThisMustBeMyDream · 12/02/2021 23:26

I called the police 13 years ago when I had split up with my then 6 year old sons father. We had already split up 6 weeks previous and he was mid way through moving his stuff out when he just lost his shit. I can only assume it was stress because he was never (and never since) abusive. It came out of nowhere. He was shouting and screaming about how I'd ruined his life. He kicked the door, broke a spindle on the landing, broke my washing basket, ripped my necklaces. I called the police because obviously I was not going to put up with that - ever! He admitted the behaviour and was cautioned. He collected the last of his belongings the next day.

We have had an amicable relationship ever since. I knew then, and still know now that he must have been under extreme stress because he is simply not that person he became that night.

What I will never forget is that social services came to see me - and gave me the Spanish inquisition. I had done absolutely nothing wrong. He was the one who had done wrong. Go and talk to him! I was safe - he had long gone by the time they showed up. They never came back because it was quite clear that the relationship had ended and that I didn't require any of their "help".

I recently requested a report from social services as my partners ex-girlfriend accused my children of something (untrue) which triggered an assessment. The assessment cleared my children of the accusation. I needed a copy of the it to support my partner in his court enforcement. It was bloody well on there "victim of domestic violence". I am not a victim. It was an isolated incident and quite clearly 13 years later has not given cause for concern in any of that time. My son is an adult now! I am bloody glad I told my partner about this because it was quite a shock that something so historical would still be there. I wasn't happy about it, as you can imagine.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 12/02/2021 23:29

I should also add - my son was safe. Given the relationship had ended!

Kitkat151 · 12/02/2021 23:29

@Anonymouseky

I honestly didn’t mean to minimise verbal abuse. I know it can be horrific. It’s just that when a medical professional sees the DV victim medical code pop up on their screen and on the medical records of a child, I think many would immediately visualise the absolute worst case scenario.

In my case the incident in question was not witnessed by the children and was the only incident in our relationship (of 10 years). Yet it’s still on their school and medical records. I’m concerned that teachers and doctors may let this knowledge cloud their professional judgment. It’s a difficult one because I completely agree that some children do tragically fall through the net so I understand why policies have changed. I do think these policies need fine tuning though. I’m all for the recording of information as long as it is accurate, proportional and detailed rather than a one size fits all.

Kitkat- I read about Operation Encompass and I’m pretty sure my child’s school has been informed. I’m not sure if you work in a school or not, but do you know if this information is recorded in a child’s school file? I will be relocating soon to a completely different area with the children to be closer to family. The move will unfortunately involve a change of school, doctors and everything. Would this information be passed from one school to another?

Yes the information will be handed over to the new school.....it will also be handed over to HV and/or school nurse and go records will pass onto the new gp with your previous history. It won’t be handed over as a current safeguarding concern just as previous history.
Kitkat151 · 12/02/2021 23:29

Gp records

Kitkat151 · 12/02/2021 23:35

@ThisMustBeMyDream

I called the police 13 years ago when I had split up with my then 6 year old sons father. We had already split up 6 weeks previous and he was mid way through moving his stuff out when he just lost his shit. I can only assume it was stress because he was never (and never since) abusive. It came out of nowhere. He was shouting and screaming about how I'd ruined his life. He kicked the door, broke a spindle on the landing, broke my washing basket, ripped my necklaces. I called the police because obviously I was not going to put up with that - ever! He admitted the behaviour and was cautioned. He collected the last of his belongings the next day.

We have had an amicable relationship ever since. I knew then, and still know now that he must have been under extreme stress because he is simply not that person he became that night.

What I will never forget is that social services came to see me - and gave me the Spanish inquisition. I had done absolutely nothing wrong. He was the one who had done wrong. Go and talk to him! I was safe - he had long gone by the time they showed up. They never came back because it was quite clear that the relationship had ended and that I didn't require any of their "help".

I recently requested a report from social services as my partners ex-girlfriend accused my children of something (untrue) which triggered an assessment. The assessment cleared my children of the accusation. I needed a copy of the it to support my partner in his court enforcement. It was bloody well on there "victim of domestic violence". I am not a victim. It was an isolated incident and quite clearly 13 years later has not given cause for concern in any of that time. My son is an adult now! I am bloody glad I told my partner about this because it was quite a shock that something so historical would still be there. I wasn't happy about it, as you can imagine.

I get you about the wording.....but when police are called out to a DV incident.....they record the ‘victim’ and the ‘perpetrator’ ......it’s the language they use
Original poster
Anonymouseky · 13/02/2021 08:21

Thank you @Kitkat151

@ThisMustBeMyDream your situation sounds very similar to mine... an isolated incident probably caused by stress. The fact that we’ve both walked away from the relationship should count for something. I know many people go back but, like you, I’ve got a zero tolerance for that kind of thing and I really just want it all to go away, especially since the children didn’t see the incident. Maybe over time it won’t seem like such a big deal, but at the moment it all feels so raw.

OP posts:
category12 · 13/02/2021 09:00

The move will unfortunately involve a change of school, doctors and everything. Would this information be passed from one school to another?

Can you not look beyond your own situation and see that this is necessary and right for the sake of children in general?!

It's not about stigmatising you, it's about child protection. How easy would it be for dysfunctional families to upsticks to another area, the abusive partner follow and it all to start up again in a new town, otherwise?

It's really important that this information is shared and goes with you, not for you specifically, if you're a good mum and never taking him back or getting into another abusive relationship and if your children never need extra support for anything, but for other children who aren't so lucky.

Stop thinking about yourself, your imagined stigma and paranioa, and think about the bigger picture.