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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Funeral with NC family members there.

29 replies

SirChing · 11/02/2021 15:40

My adored grandma passed away at the end of January. The funeral is later this month. I am NC with two of her four DC and their families, due to them being toxic. They are bullying, arrogant and manipulative. My DGM was scared of them by the end.

My DM will be going to the funeral, though she is NC with her siblings too. She has had to break the NC to get the funeral arrangements, but the toxic siblings have been vile once again.

I feel sick at the thought of seeing them at the funeral. I used to have panic attacks before I saw them in the past. I loved my DGM so much, and want to honour her and support my mum, but I do feel the funeral will really adversely affect me.

My DM doesn't mind if I don't go. She understands as I was on the receiving end of their toxic behaviour for longer than her, surprisingly. She will have the DB she does speak to there, and really doesn't feel she needs my support.

Would you go?

OP posts:
TipseyTorvey · 11/02/2021 15:43

So sorry for your loss. I wouldn't go, it's obvious that it's causing you a lot of anxiety just thinking about seeing them. Why not spend the day marking her memory in your own way and maybe planting some flowers or a tree for her and focus on the good memories. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be stressed out whilst saying goodbye.

ajandjjmum · 11/02/2021 15:45

What a horrible situation SirChing. Sorry for your loss.

Having had to attend a family funeral recently, where a very unpleasant in-law was very present, I can sympathise. I kept my head down, smiled politely as necessary, stood at the back and left as soon as the service was over.

But if it will be too much for you, don't go. You can remember your grandma in a way that is better for you - and know that she would understand!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/02/2021 15:56

Am sorry for your loss of your grandmaFlowers.

I would not attend the funeral . You can indeed remember her and celebrate her life in ways that are better for you.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/02/2021 16:02

I would not be going, because nothing positive will come from this if you attend. I'm very sorry about your grandmother.

TonkinLenkicks · 11/02/2021 16:04

I would go. These people don't get to behave in such a way that you can't go to her funeral. Go and support your mam, hold your head high.

BlueThistles · 11/02/2021 16:07

I wouldn't go to the funeral... your DGM is already gone my lovely... a funeral is just another opportunity for them to bully you all 🌺

giletrouge · 11/02/2021 16:24

I loved my DGM so much, and want to honour her - honour her by doing the best thing that takes care of you.
For one thing you can get the funeral streamed, so you can attend in the safety and comfort of your own home, you can light a candle or whatever you need to do. Your mum has said she's ok with you not going. I can't see a reason to put yourself through this.
Very sorry for your loss SirChing. Flowers

Eckhart · 11/02/2021 16:26

Would your grandma insist you go, even if you felt uncomfortable?

peak2021 · 11/02/2021 16:27

Sorry to read of your loss and I think not going is reasonable. Wherever her remains are interred, you can visit them at a later date to pay your respects, perhaps on what would have been her next birthday.

okokok000 · 11/02/2021 16:27

I'm really sorry for your loss. I think I recall a previous post of yours as your circumstances are shockingly similar to mine.

If your mum feels like she will not need your support and you don't want to go then don't push yourself. Your grandmother knew you love her and wouldn't want you to expose yourself to the nastiness.

Knittedfairies · 11/02/2021 16:29

If your grandmother was 'scared' of two of her four children I would think she would understand if you decide not to go; celebrate her life in your own way, whatever that might be.

RealisticSketch · 11/02/2021 16:33

I think either decision is right. If it would utterly detract from the closure a goodbye should be, and end up being what you remember most it's hard to see what the point would be. As a previous pp said, you could mark the day in a personal way.
Or if you will forever resent that they stood between you and your loved one at the last possible moment and you lost the chance to attend, or they would use your absence to continue to put the boot in, then maybe brace yourself and go, making a plan for how to get through it and calm down afterwards. Perhaps prepare a calm reply for any nasty comments.
So it depends on your feelings, the history of their actions and how you think it will affect you afterwards.
Maybe go for a long walk and have a chat to your DGM in your mind eye to help you arrive at what feels right.

contrary13 · 11/02/2021 16:33

@SirChing, your post could have been written by me - pretty much word for word - 20 years ago, concerning my father's mother's funeral. When she died, she was essentially being used by her youngest son and his children as a housekeeper; yet not appreciated in the slightest (think, spending all day preparing a hot evening meal for the family in winter, then being summarily dismissed at 6pm so that they could "eat as a family", and having only sandwich ingredients in her cold home because her gas oven leaked if used and youngest son refused to help her source a replacement/allow her to have it repaired "because of the cost"). The last time I spoke to my grandmother, she actually cried - and I'd never heard/known her to cry before, she was such a strong, resilient person - about how she was being treated, and I started to make noise about her coming back down south to live with my small daughter and me. I was furious about the way she was being treated, and told my father, expecting him to... I don't know... get the youngest or middle brother to do something to help their mother. He didn't. But he obviously told them how furious I was, or my grandmother mentioned that she had an offer of a decent home 400 miles away with me because, two weeks later, when she died (very suddenly; heart attack), and her funeral was planned? My father told me that I wasn't allowed to go, that one of the children of the youngest son had threatened to kill me and my daughter if we turned up (he was 16 at the time, a nasty, arrogant piece of shite), and both of my uncles (my father was the oldest) agreed with him. Both of my parents went, they all pretended to be one big happy family, and my daughter (who was 3 at the time) and I said "goodbye" in our own way.

I have never regretted not going to the funeral, because I knew that my grandmother would have understood, had she still been alive. I suspect yours would, too, SirChing. There were a lot of people who didn't understand, however, so I used the excuse that my grandmother would have hated my 3 year old going through the funeral - which was true, as it happens. But ultimately, despite my younger cousin's ludicrous threats (he would have been told to keep his distance, by his father, who would have been terrified I would have told everyone that he'd sexually abused me when I was 7 and said son was a small baby! This is why I was NC with him in the first place... the middle uncle was equally toxic, but for different reasons - he refused to acknowledge the mere existence of my daughter, because I wasn't with the father when she was born, so therefore not married!), I didn't go because I couldn't see the point. Funerals are for the ones left behind, and knowing that my father had to have reported back my fury at the degradation they had heaped onto my grandmother's elderly shoulders, I refused to go "to support" him. He had my mother for that. My grandmother was gone; not there anymore/at peace. I'm still furious about the way she was treated, and cross that she didn't tell me sooner, but staying away was absolutely the right thing for us to do.

Maybe, SirChing, staying away will also be the right thing for you to do, too - but only if you know you absolutely won't regret doing so. For me, it was an easy choice. For you, it might not be. You will have to weigh the choices you have up and decide which is best for you.

Flowers I am truly sorry for your loss.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/02/2021 16:40

I'm very sorry for your loss, SirChing

Since your mum already has support at the funeral, it might be wise to honour your GM in your own way and simply not go
However I'm wondering just how much trouble they could cause at the actual service, and whether you could slip in at the back and leave immediately afterwards?

SirChing · 11/02/2021 16:52

Thanks so much for all your replies. And yes, @okokok000, you are right about us having very similar circumstances (I remember you too and am so sorry for what you all went through).

Part of me feels like I need to go; to see my grandma's body on its way, and to say goodbye to her. It feels like the last chance I will get. Which is odd because the NC family are determined that we have a memorial too when we can, despite there only being another three people to attend.....but all their friends (who didn't know my DGM). That sounds bitchy but I am under no illusions that it will largely be about them garnering sympathy from acolytes, rather than them genuinely wanting to celebrate my grandma's life. THAT occasion I will absolutely not go to. It feels like they will be using my DGMs death in a way. And no way will I be party to that.

I suppose I could go, sit at the back, and slip out quickly at the end. That way the NCs can't speak to me. I don't think they will say anything at the funeral. They are all about how things look to others, so won't want to make themselves look bad. And I would say nothing to them because I won't disgrace my DGM by saying something I might regret.

I feel I will be letting DGM down if I don't go.

OP posts:
WitchDancer · 11/02/2021 17:00

Can you get a video link where the funeral is being held? It was the only way my Uncle who lives abroad could attend my Dad's funeral. Some of his carers accessed it afterwards too as they were on call at work at the time of his funeral.

From memory it cost about £50 and you could either watch live or you could access the recording for about 30 days afterwards.

SirChing · 11/02/2021 17:26

My DM is going to contact the funeral director about whether the funeral will be available online. I have a health condition anyway which means I may be unable to attend, though obviously if I decided to go, I would try my hardest.

I am worried that if I don't go, my Grandma will think I put my dislike of her DC above my love for her, and I can't bear that. I know that realistically is she is dead and gone then she can't know, and if she is in the hereafter then she will know why I wasn't there, but I still feel so guilty.

OP posts:
contrary13 · 11/02/2021 18:02

"I am worried that if I don't go, my Grandma will think I put my dislike of her DC above my love for her, and I can't bear that. I know that realistically is she is dead and gone then she can't know, and if she is in the hereafter then she will know why I wasn't there, but I still feel so guilty."

SirChing, I doubt very much that your grandmother would want you to feel guilty about this. If you were as close as you say you were, then she'd understand you not wanting to be around the children/grandchildren whom you say she was, towards the end, actually frightened of. And, more importantly, perhaps, she'd not want you to be in a situation where their toxicity is going to affect you.

Unfortantly, it does sound like the "memorial" is likely to be more about your toxic relations than the memory of your grandmother. But perhaps you could find your own way to honour her memory? Covid restrictions, permitting, of course. When my grandmother's funeral was being held, I took my daughter to the local farm-park where she'd last seen her great-grandmother (and had good memories of her), we had a picnic lunch and then, later on, we ate fish-and-chips from the shop my grandmother and her life-partner (who'd passed 11 months earlier) always used as a treat for their/our supper. It was a good day and, daft as this sounds, I felt my grandmother and her partner's presence around us that day.

My mother spoke about seeing my grandmother in her casket before the ceremony, but only to remark about how she'd "not shaved her legs beforehand" (well, no; a sudden and swift fatal heart attack on your way to the bathroom at 6am sort of precludes such things...), and from what I can remember being told the entire funeral was a dismal affair. None of her friends were there (she'd moved 3 years previously, 400 miles away from our area to the one in which her youngest son had settled, very abruptly), her only family were her sons and one set of grandchildren (the middle brother's children didn't attend, either), and one DIL - my mother. That was it. Not the celebration of her glorious life that it ought to have been.

You'll make the right decision in the end, SirChing - for you; not the rest of them. That's what your grandmother would surely have wanted?

SirChing · 11/02/2021 18:17

@contrary13 Thank you so much for that lovely message. I am still not sure what to do, but i know my Grandma won't haunt me if I make a choice she isn't pleased about 😂

OP posts:
TacCat49 · 11/02/2021 19:16

I'm so sorry for your loss. Could a family member speak to the funeral directors about the problems in the family? Believe me this won't be the first time they have ever heard a story like this. Surely they would advocate for you and always be in the vicinity. They could arrange a private viewing for you and you could tell GM of your love for her. This will be your final time to honour GM so I think you should go to the funeral. Surely no one will kick off in the presence of others. All the best.

CurrentWife · 11/02/2021 20:26

Having been in a similar situation myself recently I decided to go. I was worried that if I didn’t I’d regret it for the rest of my life.

For once there was a positive side to Covid - masks, social distancing and no wake. I turned up, sat on my own, remained outwardly calm under my mask despite the heartbreak underneath, then walked away without making eye contact, hiding behind my mask.

I won’t lie. It wasn’t easy and it took me a few days to recover. But no regrets.

I’m sorry for your loss xx

Sssloou · 11/02/2021 20:30

COVID helps here. Funerals are v different now - v efficient time slots. No hanging about before or after - literally 20-30 mins back to back.

Masks are easy to hide behind emotionally and physically. Social distancing inside and out is helpful.

Keep your options open and always have an exit strategy.

Do not torture yourself about it. Trust yourself that on the day you will do what you need to do for you. You will not expose yourself to hostility but equally you will not be bullied out of your closure if that’s how you want to do it.

You could decide to attend - park up and change your mind.

You could be the last in and first out.

You could discreetly leave during the service if you wanted at any point.

Take your own car rather than go with your Mum - so you have options.

As PP said you can speak with funeral director before and they can indicate where best to sit and will look out for you.

You can choose not to respond but turn and walk away if someone approaches you. You can learn a visualisation / breathing exercise to self regulate ahead of the service to avoid or intercept a panic attack.

Or you can choose that this is too much and not go.

FluffyMcWuffy · 11/02/2021 21:40

I am NC with a family member due to awful abuse which I won't go into here and attended two funerals in the past 2 years where I knew he would be present. I wanted to go to the funeral to pay my respects to the people who had died (my grandparents) but also had to weigh up whether I could bring myself to go and have to face him. In the end I went to them both as they were more important to me than this abusers presence. In the days leading up to the funerals I mentally prepared myself for how I would respond (physically, verbally and mentally) if I was in close proximity to him. I also ensured that after the funeral I could get away easily without bumping into him. If I felt at all uncomfortable during it I knew where the toilet was and considered that my safe place. I put in place some coping strategies and you can do that too. First though make the decision if you really want to go to the funeral for you and for the deceased. Then if you do spend some time putting in place and practising some coping mechanisms to help you on the day.

SirChing · 11/02/2021 22:06

@FluffyMcWuffy Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
MildlyIrritatedOfChorley · 11/02/2021 22:12

Now you are more distant from their toxicity you will likely find it has less impact on you. They can throw poisoned balls at you but you will be much less inclined to catch them than in the past. Their crap will just drop limply at your feet, barely registering with you. Could be empowering to see how little power they have over you now.

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