My OH doesn’t want another baby

[mummyof12019]

Hi, first time posting and hoping for a bit of advice/ support/ shared experiences and opinions.

My DD is 16 months old, my husband and I are FTM. Our marriage wasn’t amazing prior to getting pregnant but since my DD has been born things have gone from bad to worse.

We constantly argue (daily) and can’t seem to agree on anything. We don’t have any shared interests really and I don’t feel my OH wants to spend any time with me.

He’s WFH due to COVID (has been since March). I went back to work when my DD was 6 months old to complete my nursing degree. I worked full time nights, still breastfeeding, writing a dissertation and my husband looked after her whilst working from home whilst I slept inbetween night. It’s been really stressful.

We haven’t had any time to ourselves outside parents since she’s been born. Of an evening when we do have time I’m exhausted and he’s the same. He spends his time gaming or on his phone and I tend to hide away upstairs because I just can’t face another argument.

We’ve been talking a lot more recently about our relationship in general. I would like another baby. Not not, because well, it’s been rough. All that’s happened as mentioned above but I also have PND/ anxiety and OCD. So, my MH has been awful .

My husband told me last night he does not want anymore children. Well, not anymore- just no more with me.
If I want another baby then I will have to leave him and find someone else. He wouldn’t rule out another baby- just not with me.

So as you can probably tell, I’m a state. I don’t know what to do.

I can’t go anywhere as I’m financially reliant on him. Plus, we’re in the mists of lockdown. He’s a wonderful father and I can’t do that to my daughter. It would be selfish of me to leave him and uproot my daughter. I can’t do that. I love him.

But at the same time, the thought of never having another baby. Not ever holding my own newborn of giving birth. My DD not having a sibling. I can’t bare it.

I’m just heartbroken and trying to come to terms with what he’s told me. I didn’t sleep at all last night thinking about it all. I have no one to talk to as all of my friends have their own stuff going on and don’t want to be burdened with my drama, so here I am!

Thank you for reading and any advice would be appreciated x

Why the fuck would you be thinking of another baby when your mental health and your relationship are both in tatters? Sort your own life out and focus on bringing up your little girl.

If he’s said he would have another child but not with you he will leave anyway. You may as well be using your time to plan?

Yes i think maybe it is the wrong time to be discussing another child together when your relationship isnt good?
Lockdown is causing a lot of stress but are there anyways you can both do some nice things together and also try and improve your relationship?
Ofcourse he would want more children when when ur both in a better place. I wouldnt mention it until you are both happier and secure with one another.

@Hailtomyteeth

Stop!

Think of it this way:
He doesn't want to be with you, he's told you that.
He would have another child but not with you. (That covers the first point).
He is cruel to say those things.
A man who is cruel to his child's mother is not a 'wonderful father'. Being cruel makes that impossible.
Your marriage wasn't amazing, now it's worse. Too right. It's over.
You're exhausted, your MH has been compromised (but you're achieving a lot with work, study and parenthood. What a woman you are! You deserve respect and support).

Really, stop. Take a few deep breaths. Imagine it's your dd saying what you said in your opening post, in 25 years' time.

Would you say to her - "Great idea, darling, have another baby with this man!" I don't think so.

Disentangle yourself from the man who doesn't love you. Set up a little home for you and dd. Take a year or two to gather your thoughts. Get some therapy. Then you'll be in a good position to think about having more children. Good luck.

If a woman admits she is unhappy in a relationship and doesn't want any more children with her partner does that also makes her a bad mother? Usually when people state someone is a good parent they mean how they are around the child. I'm sure that's what OP meant.

OP your main problem is the relationship isn't working. This needs to be fixed before you even start thinking about another child. Focus on creating the best environment possible for a child you already have and on working on your relationship or leaving.