Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you date someone that’s unemployed?

50 replies

Jackie2022 · 11/02/2021 11:55

If you’re single, would you consider dating someone that’s out of work? Just say they’re unemployed due to the pandemic, perhaps were made redundant etc, they’re actively seeking work but haven’t managed to get a job yet.

To what extent would that put you off?

I think I’ll be in a similar situation soon as my graduate role was fixed term and I don’t have a new job lined up if they’re not keeping me on (I have applied elsewhere of course) Obviously I feel like shit, like I’m not good enough to date if I’m not working or not working in my field due to the stigma of being unemployed

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 11/02/2021 12:00

Depends on the situation.

If they were recently unemployed due to the pandemic, fixed contract coming to an end, etc, then yes, I would.

If they were long time unemployed, or couldn’t hold a job done for any length of time (unless valid reason) etc, then I would be more wary. Also, not seeking new employment would be a turn-off also.

However, you situation would be fine and you would date-able.

DemandTheBest · 11/02/2021 12:11

Some people might even see it as an asset, if they work shorter hours themselves or have an unusual shift pattern, they may want someone who is available to spend more time. I wouldn’t worry a bit about this.

There are so many others in a similar or worse position, anyone who would have a problem with this would be pretty cold and heartless and I would want to stay away from them anyway.

BibbityBobbety · 11/02/2021 12:12

I think for anyone unemployed (and needing to work i.e not on disability or living off a trust fund etc), whether recent or long term, the focus should be on finding a job. And not actively dating. Job hunting is time consuming and stressful and so is dating, and one or the other will suffer if you try to do both. Dating requires bringing your best self to a stranger, and if someone is worried or anxious about lack of job/income, they can't be their best selves.

If someone lost their job while dating, obviously I wouldn't break up with them! But I wouldn't go on a first date with someone who had no job and had no other source of income.

JamesMcAvoyswife · 11/02/2021 12:25

If they were out of a job due to the pandemic and were actively seeking out opportunities for work, then yes.

If they are out of job due to laziness and aren’t really bothered about finding a new job, definitely not.

Sn0tnose · 11/02/2021 12:27

I would. And have several times.

I’ve also lived with a wealthy self employed man and have dated a wealthy not needing to be employed man. I preferred the attitudes of the skint blokes.

DdraigGoch · 11/02/2021 12:35

In a recession, quite a bit of the dating pool will be unemployed through no fault of their own. In 2019 however, when we had full employment, I'd have been wary of someone who was unemployed long term.

CallistoSol · 11/02/2021 12:36

No I wouldn't, and it could become a deal breaker if I was already in a relationship with someone who became unemployed for whatever reason

Unicornamy · 11/02/2021 12:53

No I won’t be dating someone who’s unemployed. Apart from the fact that it means I’ll be the only one bearing the costs for dates, etc, I’ll get sick of them sitting around.
In any case, they shouldn’t be looking to get into a relationship. Their focus at this time should be on making a living...

Eesha · 11/02/2021 12:56

I did and ended up helping him finding work and getting on his feet again. I was young and successful. I don't think I'd do that now in my mid 40s.

StephenBelafonte · 11/02/2021 13:00

Do you have a private income that you can use to go on dates with? Or will you be on unemployment support? I'm just struggling to think what sort of dates you can go on if your only income is ESA

Original poster
Jackie2022 · 11/02/2021 13:06

Appreciate all the different viewpoints!

@Eesha that’s really sweet Smile

Yeah, in normal times I wouldn’t date until I had a job if I was unemployed. I’d get a job wherever I could & wait until I was back on my feet again. And you’re right, dates would be a problem outside of lockdown.

However with the pandemic, I think many people are struggling to get jobs. It’s shit being a recent graduate as the job market was already competitive, but now we’re increasingly up against candidates who have years of experience for the limited roles available. Scary times!

OP posts:
Rosieposy89 · 11/02/2021 13:07

It depends on their situation and what they were doing to improve that. I wouldn't want to be seen as a cash cow and it could make things awkward as the person in employment could be expected to support the person financially. It could make things more complicated and create a power imbalance.

Bluntness100 · 11/02/2021 13:07

Yes of course. Long term or professionally unemployed, eh likely not, but someone who lost their job due to Covid, of course.

Original poster
Jackie2022 · 11/02/2021 13:09

@StephenBelafonte

Do you have a private income that you can use to go on dates with? Or will you be on unemployment support? I'm just struggling to think what sort of dates you can go on if your only income is ESA
I’m still in work right now and have savings. I’m job hunting in case my contract ends so hopefully it won’t come to me being unemployed.

Regardless in lockdown the only real dates are walks, coffee runs, home date nights ordering takeaway/cooking dinner etc which are affordable.

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 11/02/2021 13:09

@Unicornamy

No I won’t be dating someone who’s unemployed. Apart from the fact that it means I’ll be the only one bearing the costs for dates, etc, I’ll get sick of them sitting around. In any case, they shouldn’t be looking to get into a relationship. Their focus at this time should be on making a living...
Why would you assume that an unemployed person is 'sitting around'? Plenty of highly skilled people have been made unemployed during this pandemic and many of them are staying busy with job hunting, home schooling or other caring responsibilities, volunteering or all the other tasks and training and opportunities that you never quite get to when you're busy with work. I was made redundant after 15 years of unblemished employment history, have enough money thanks to savings and redundancy, and with 3 young DCs haven't exactly been chilling out at home since then. No time to date though!

I'd be wary of dating someone with a patchy employment history, whether they were currently employed or not, because of what might be underlying that and because I'd worry that as a higher earner I'd end up attracting cocklodgers... However someone who was out of work due to the pandemic is pretty understandable.

Original poster
Jackie2022 · 11/02/2021 13:14

@DdraigGoch

In a recession, quite a bit of the dating pool will be unemployed through no fault of their own. In 2019 however, when we had full employment, I'd have been wary of someone who was unemployed long term.
This is accurate! I’m 23 and lots of my mates are in a similar situation. Careers on hold through no fault of their own.

(Of course, it’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t be interested in someone unemployed if you’re in a different stage of your life than I!)

OP posts:
CakeRequired · 11/02/2021 13:44

Really depends.

Someone unemployed because they can't be bothered to work and see benefits as easier because 'they are misunderstood in the workplace'. Hell no.

Someone unemployed and actively looking. Yeah, hardly their fault there is a pandemic on.

Happycat1212 · 11/02/2021 13:50

Well I can see why people wouldn’t, my ex hasn’t worked in 5 years but doesn’t seem to struggle finding women though, obviously someone unemployed looking for work during a pandemic is different

RevolutionRadio · 11/02/2021 13:53

Yes, as long as they were actively seeking work. I wouldn't move in with them until they had some kind of job stability though.

RedSoloCup · 11/02/2021 13:57

I would but wouldn't be happy to support them financially too early in the relationship

Being temporarily unemployed can happen to anyone, in fact it's the reason I moved in with DH many years ago as it was a more convenient location for temping than my parents where I was living at the time, it didn't put him off !😀 (I was still completely financially independent though).

LolaSmiles · 11/02/2021 13:58

If it was due to redundancy, pandemic circumstances, or having trouble when I fixed term contract ends then I wouldn't rule out dating them, if they were actively looking for work. I would have reservations if they were ruling out almost every job in search of a very nice role that doesn't come up often.

As other posters have said, long term unemployed with no interest in getting a job is a huge red flag most of the time (excluding medical situations).

Original poster
Jackie2022 · 11/02/2021 14:13

Oh wow, I didn’t realise there were so many people that are happy to be long term unemployed! 😬 I feel like I would lose my self of identity without a job! I can definitely understand your reservations there.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 11/02/2021 14:16

I think it completely depends on the context. If the person had proper qualifications, a strong work history, was driven, interested in their career and our long term plans meshed with each other, but they were on a break from work for a legitimate reason, it might not necessarily put me off them completely. Dh and I were students when we met. We've both had periods when one of us has been out of work due to education or end of contract or when dh was just starting up his business and didn't have much work yet.

Someone who wasn't ambitious, had a history of being out of work, no real aim, just drifting from job to job, no wouldn't be for me. But we just wouldn't have similar long term goals and probably not the same sort of personality.

PawPawNoodle · 11/02/2021 14:19

Mr Noodle was unemployed when we started dating, sketchy work history and no career. He got a job 2 weeks later which he's been at for 6 years and is looking to go self-employed as he's now skilled.

LolaSmiles · 11/02/2021 14:23

Jackie2022
I think a lot comes down to how people support themselves. I would have no problem not having a job and could easily fill a working week with hobbies and volunteering, but I would hate for someone else to be bankrolling my life.