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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you date someone that’s unemployed?

50 replies

Jackie2022 · 11/02/2021 11:55

If you’re single, would you consider dating someone that’s out of work? Just say they’re unemployed due to the pandemic, perhaps were made redundant etc, they’re actively seeking work but haven’t managed to get a job yet.

To what extent would that put you off?

I think I’ll be in a similar situation soon as my graduate role was fixed term and I don’t have a new job lined up if they’re not keeping me on (I have applied elsewhere of course) Obviously I feel like shit, like I’m not good enough to date if I’m not working or not working in my field due to the stigma of being unemployed

OP posts:

ComtesseDeSpair · 11/02/2021 14:25

I think it’s difficult to begin dating when you’re unemployed because however much someone tells you it’s only temporary / because of the pandemic, you only have their word to go on at that point. Personally, I’d be cautious of being reeled in only to find somebody was unemployed for other reasons and was probably going to be that way for much of a relationship.

Happycat1212 · 11/02/2021 14:49

Yes I agree you don’t know whether it’s true or not , my ex tells people he is self employed 😂

Bananalanacake · 11/02/2021 14:58

I'm the same, I don't waste time with lazy arses, but if someone is looking for a job then that's ok. I would see them once or twice a week so they have time for job hunting.

DdraigGoch · 11/02/2021 18:27

Of course, it’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t be interested in someone unemployed if you’re in a different stage of your life than I
@Jackie2022 as it happens I'm 26 so not that much older. I'm certainly well aware that the best years of my life are being wasted while my love life is marking time. I'm lucky though that I'm in a secure job-for-life. If this pandemic had happened in 2018 I'd have been screwed as I was working in seasonal, zero-hours tourist/hospitality jobs. Odds are that I'd have moved out of the flat I was renting and back in with my parents (now there's a romance killer).

It's not so much the employment status of someone, it's a lack of get-up-and-go which I'd find unattractive. Even if someone was unemployed I'd be happy to return home after a shift to someone who has spent the day weeding the garden/sketching/anything productive. Not someone who spends every day channel hopping.

Long-term unemployment with no redeeming features would make me assume (rightly or wrongly) that the person would become a boring slob with nothing to offer to a relationship. You also posted that you'd be worried about losing your sense of identity without a job. This is probably the key thing to avoid. You will find yourself suddenly with a lot of time on your hands so you must fill it. Obviously your first priority will be filling out job applications but I know from personal experience how demoralising that gets after a while so spend the rest of your time learning new recipes or take up a productive hobby so that you have something to show for your period of unemployment. Not just to show others, it gives you positive achievements to keep your spirits up. Remember also that the government never banned exercise during lockdown (unlike some other countries). This wasn't an oversight, they know that getting out for a walk is good for your state of mind.

The other thing to avoid is letting standards slip - it's so easy to let your situation get you down and let your flat/house get untidy and become reliant on ready meals or takeaways because you don't have the mental energy to cook and wash up. It's a downward spiral which is a nightmare to escape from. I know the struggle, sometimes I let my house get to the stage of having to walk over a massive pile of dirty washing just to leave my bedroom. I cleared up all of the clutter in my house the other day (using that time-honoured 'chuck it in the spare bedroom and close the door' technique) and I felt so much better for it.

So spend some time on self-care, you'll have much better chances in both the dating game and the job market if you project confidence. Don't let this recession get you down. Employed or not, this pandemic is shit for all those of us who are young and single. Before the pandemic I went speed-dating and took a swing dance class. but now all that I can do is swipe myself silly on Tinder.

Aprilx · 11/02/2021 18:57

I started seeing now DH when he was unemployed, in fact he had had a bad couple of years with repeated redundancies before he met me. He was unemployed for about the first five months of our relationships and he moved in with me during this time as I was living in London and he was not and we thought there would be more job opportunities.

I was ok with it because he was not workshy, he desperately wanted to work, had skills but had experienced some bad luck. He was 30 years old and I knew he was not going to be unemployed for the rest of his life. Whilst he was unemployed he did housework and always had my dinner ready when I got home.

He eventually got some temp work using his IT background and it was going well so I suggested he make a career change to actually focus in this particular area more. I know that sounds vague but it meant specialising in a very specific business area rather than being a generic coder. The company he was temping with asked him to go permanent but didn’t follow through on a promised pay increase after six months (he was on a pittance) so he found a new job in his new career.

He hasn’t looked back, this was 16 years ago. We have since lived and worked in two other countries, he first secured the job that led to our first move. He has risen through the ranks and does very well now and the strong work ethic I knew he had has never slipped.

RantyAnty · 11/02/2021 19:16

Probably not. I'd hope they'd be focused on getting a new job first.

If I was unemployed, I wouldn't have time for dating.

HairyToity · 11/02/2021 19:18

Unemployed but looking for a job is perfectly dateable in my opinion, unemployed as a lifestyle choice is a no no.

LampsOn · 11/02/2021 19:24

It obviously depends on the situation but if they were actively looking for work and have worked previously then I'd have no problem with it.
If there were long term unemployed I wouldn't be interested. Mainly because I find someone with ambition and drive attractive. It wouldn't matter to me at all how much they were getting paid.

SupremeCommanderTrinityRhino · 11/02/2021 19:28

I wouldn't not date someone who is unemployed.
The reasons why matter
If they are looking for employment but struggling to find it that's fine especially in the current climate.
Or disabled and unable to work is obviously valid.
Not bothering cause they cant be arsed is something different though.

Crakeandoryx · 11/02/2021 19:28

Depends on the circumstances. Unemployed for long periods of time and not proactively looking, studying, volunteering the no way would I. Laziness is unattractive.

Unemployed but trying hard to finding work with a good work ethic then yes I would.

Krampusnolongerbabysits · 11/02/2021 22:17

No. If it were a new person then absolutely not. Unless they had some other means of a steady income and kept themselves busy with creative endeavours or did something else. I don't expect to be wined and dined or a sugar daddy but equally would only consider someone that can pay their own way going out or do various other activities. Then more long-term, they have to be able to pull their weight financially with bills and other living costs. Given how I have friends with quite significant physical disabilities who have always worked, I would also struggle to respect someone that did not make every conceivable effort to work. I'd eliminate anyone with significant mental health issues that stopped them working, while not PC, it's a dealbreaker both due to the financial implications but also due to personal problems with a close family member with severe mental health problems, it is not something I would ever be prepared to deal with when it comes to a partner. I worked from when I was a teenager while financing my education and putting myself through uni, I just would not be able to find someone attractive who was a loafer.

seensome · 11/02/2021 22:26

Nope I'm afraid I'd have to be fickle and only consider dating someone that has their shit together (bad past experience) and why would they not want to present the best of themselves to finding a date, I would not take them seriously.

Scalphelp · 11/02/2021 22:47

why would they not want to present the best of themselves to finding a date

Hmm. I would have said this myself a year ago. I do now think it’s a pre-pandemic mindset and may not be as relevant 1 year into the pandemic?

Eg My fashion buyer friend hasn’t been able to find a new role since August, where his fixed contract finished. It hasn’t been through laziness, he wants to get his shit together as he has always held down a job since 16 (including through uni) but the fashion industry has been decimated with lockdown.

He worked for Arcadia but considering recent developments, we know they didn’t keep him on due to him having poor work ethic. It was because the company was struggling. You can’t really expect him to shun himself & be single until the fashion industry recovers. Other departments like PR, marketing, merchandising etc are also in tatters

seensome · 11/02/2021 23:49

@Scalphelp that is unfortunate for your friend and I'm sure there are genuine reasons for being unemployed especially at the moment but still, in dating you don't know people well and you do have to be ruthless and go on gut decision about them. Some people will date another without a job, I guess there is no where to go anyway at the moment so spending won't be an issue for now, could cause potential issues when venues start opening up and they still haven't found employment not being able to afford dating. Personally I am not even trying to date at the moment and rather wait until we have some normality back.

katy1213 · 11/02/2021 23:51

Only if it was a temporary blip.

BackforGood · 12/02/2021 00:14

Am quite surprised at how high the % of posters have gone for a straight 'no'.
I know plenty of hardworking young people who have lost jobs in this pandemic, and others who have graduated and not been able to get anything. Didn't realise how many people would then treat them as social pariahs

Surely if you start 'dating' someone at the moment you aren't actually spending anything anyway ?

BashfulClam · 12/02/2021 08:13

When I met DH he was working temp roles, then my unemployed for 2 months seeking work. He then got a job and worked there for 22 years. He’s changed jobs last year and due to the pandemic was unemployed for a while, he did 2 temp contracts again.

LolaSmiles · 12/02/2021 08:58

BackforGood
Not wanting to date someone does not mean you think they are a social pariah.

Happycat1212 · 12/02/2021 11:20

BackforGood

Probably cos people lie?! I don’t imagine many people admit they just don’t want a job/can’t be bothered, there’s always some reason / excuse, hard to take a strangers word for it

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/02/2021 15:13

No, I wouldn’t want my children to either. It’s not a partnership if one has to financially support the other imo.

Moot point during a pandemic really anyway as with lockdown and SD dating would seem something that can’t be done anyway legally.

BackforGood · 12/02/2021 16:22

But surely "start dating" is when you begin to get to know someone. Go out a few times (outside of lockdown), 'chat', get to know one another. We're not talking about a lifelong commitment by agreeing to meet someone for a drink in a pub or a walk in a park. We're talking about spending a bit of time together.
If over that time, you begin to get a feel for the person not having the same sot of values as you, then you decide the relationship isn't going anywhere, but it seems odd to completely rule people out without getting to know them, unless you are all fighting off potential new partners on a daily basis?

Happycat1212 · 12/02/2021 16:42

The thing is a lot of people get attached really easy though and find it hard to break it off with someone that they like even when there are things they don’t like about them so end up putting up with things, I have a friend like this, so it’s probably best to just rule out certain people from the beginning

rawalpindithelabrador · 12/02/2021 16:43

Probably not.

rawalpindithelabrador · 12/02/2021 16:44

@Happycat1212

Yes, very sensible, too.

Happycat1212 · 12/02/2021 16:46

The thing is my friend will date people then she will find out something really bad and still continue to date them as she finds it hard ending things with people, she found out after a month a guy she was seeing had lied about his name yet she still carried on seeing him. It’s not easy for everyone to just cut people off. So why waste your time getting to know someone if your not sure About them from the beginning?

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