Herpes diagnosis and I just want to disappear...

[Sodepressedwiththis]

I can't believe I'm typing this. I have just been told that I have herpes type 1 and I'm so devasted. I just don't understand. My ex partner (split three weeks ago) says he has always been faithful we split due to just drifting apart. I don't know if he has it yet he will have to be tested. I went to the docs as I was having a few issues and almost straight away she said it looked like herpes. I feel like my life is over. I feel so ashamed. We were together for 13yrs. Who is going to go near me now. Why has this happened to me? I feel like I'm in a nightmare I'm waiting to wake up from. I know people may say it's not the end of the world but how do I now move on with this. I don't want to go near anyone again. I just don't want to be here anymore. I want to crawl away somewhere and hide. I can't even tell anyone I'm so ashamed of myself. What will people think? What will people say. I don't know why I made this post I just can't turn to anyone else..

Oh you poor thing op, this would finish me off too. Best of luck to you.

OP, I think about 40% of the population has herpes.

Chances are you may never get another flare up after this.

Please try to be calm and educate yourself about it.

Thank you all for your replies I have had a crap night. I'm trying to educate myself I know I'm extremely uneducated but this was something I never thought I'd have to deal with. We had split but we were still sleeping together I guess it was a comfort thing it wasn't a bad split or anything he has sworn he hasn't been with anyone else during it even since we split and I do feel like I believe him.

his best knowledge doesn't get coldsores never has. Maybe tmi but we had sex and he had what looked like a deep cut on his privates. He thought it was from where we were having sex maybe was a bit rough. I thought nothing of it. I get thrush and was unusually itchy sorry for the tmi about 5 days after we had sex but just took thrush tablets and carried on. Then a few days later I got sores so went doctors who almost immediately said it was herpes but done the tests to make sure.

Every time I try to read up about it I cry as I just think why me I don't think I'm mentally able to get all the information right now. I just feel so lost and down. Thank you for the signposts I will try and find out more.

I caught herpes type 1 on my foofoo after receiving oral sex almost 10 years ago. I went to the STD clinic and they did some swabs and were able to tell me which type I had. The initial infection symptoms were unpleasant and I had another outbreak about 6 months later but after that- nothing. No noticeable symptoms whatsoever.

OP- I empathise with you. When I first got the news I completely wrote my future sex life off. But at that time I didn't know anything about herpes and the 2 different variants. I recommend you visit herpes.org.uk. There is an abundance of information and facts- there is even a helpline (which I used and it's fab). Do not read all the BS online. There is so much stigma attached to Herpes (mainly manufactured by pharmaceutical companies) and there are loads of mistruths and worst case scenario posts out there- but it's all nonsense.

As others have already said: it's massively common, loads of people have it and don't know- it really isn't a big deal at all.
Please try not to be stressed about it- you don't deserve it. It's not your fault and it could (and does) happen to anyone.
You are absolutely fine x

OP I honestly understand what you're going through. I caught herpes. Firstly it very common and is manageable. And you will not always feel so bad about it.

I had been with my now husband a few months and he went down on me BUT he had a cold sore. We even had a chat pre sex and we both agreed we thought it had completely healed. It hadn't and that's how I got it. I'm in my mid 30s and educated but realised after this episode I'm really really ignorant and was never taught anything at school.
My first outbreak about 2 weeks later was horrific. Felt like I had the flu, the pain was unbelievable and I had to take a week off work. I also felt so ashamed and dirty. I felt worse because I felt so Ill. So first thing is look after yourself and sleep, get some vitamin C and take it easy.
Do ask the doc for pain relief and you can put vaseline on the soars.

I was so traumatized by the pain and emotion of the first outbreak I sought professional help and counselling.

About a year passed and all I had was one episode that felt like tingling but didn't develop into a anything.
Exactly 2 years later I was under the weather so had a horrible out break not as bad as the first one but still psychologically hard to deal with. I again felt really run down
I decided to buy some anti viral meds from superdrug, you can do it all online. I bought 15 pills in anticipation for another outbreak. Apparently it helps stop the spread and illness if you take them soon after you notice the tingling sensation.

So in the past 2.5 years I've had only one noticable out breakout. It doesn't rule my life and I completely forget about it.
So so so many people have it. Of course it's a taboo subject and this makes it seem dirty etc.

he had what looked like a deep cut on his privates. He thought it was from where we were having sex maybe was a bit rough. I thought nothing of it. I get thrush and was unusually itchy sorry for the tmi about 5 days after we had sex but just took thrush tablets and carried on. Then a few days later I got sores so went doctors who almost immediately said it was herpes but done the tests to make sure.

Well that explains it. If clinic confirmed it's oral herpes, then he must've gotten a genital infection of oral herpes/type 1 most likely from oral sex. That must've been an outbreak/blister and he must've infected you.

Thing is, with oral herpes infecting you genitally, it appears to be the case that the first infection outbreak is pretty severe (even compared to type 2 genital herpes) but then it's less likely to recur (and usually much less severe if it does).

So I wonder, if it's the same on men, how he didn't know he had oral herpes (on his genitals)?
(And that he should look out for recurrences, and is a low risk even without obvious recurrences)?

There are questions to be answered there, but it's obviously not going to change that fact that he's apparently infected you with hsv1 genitally.

It's v unpleasant but you're unlikely to get recurrences after the initial period and it's a pretty low risk of passing on (if not having a recurrence) and you can take antivirals.

Fwiw op, I've been infected twice (incredibly) once via a razor, and once from oral sex (beard possibly hid cold sore or there was no cold sore but he was shedding virus anyway) .. and have to date had no recurrences (no antivirals taken).

OP, I've felt like you so I can understand what you are going through.
Firstly, the majority of people have herpes. Something like 70% of people have one type or the other. It's more likely than not that your future partners have it already.
Secondly, it's a sore. Usually not particularly painful. It won't reduce your life expectancy. It won't have any impact at all in your life, apart from the mountain your head is making of it.
For comparison, HPV is transmitted sexually, most people have it, and can kill. But there's no stigma about it whatsoever.

Quick Google and it says men are actually more likely to have recurrences than women, and can be just blister/sore etc.

Also says hsv1 may actually be more infectious than type 2.

So adds up.

Still wonder if he really could've had an initial infection/outbreak in the past without realising he had something; in which case he obviously should be been on alert to any recurrence.

The “deep cut” will have been a herpes lesion.

I’m surprised he wanted sex as it would have been painful, but (and I’m no doctor or SH expert) I think it’s the first flare up of Herpes 1 that causes that kind of symptom so it’s very possible that he didn’t know what it was.

But it’s also a bit unlikely that he hadn’t spotted it before the time you had sex and YOU spotted it. I mean, had he not been to the loo in the hours before? Or had a shower?

And when he did, did he not think “oh shit, THAT doesn’t look good” and Google it? If there’s only one thing that most men know very well about their body... it’ll be what their dick looks like and how it normally feels.

I think it’s the first flare up of Herpes 1 that causes that kind of symptom so it’s very possible that he didn’t know what it was.

Then it must be very minimal compared to a first infection outbreak of herpes type 1 on a woman, as evidenced by some posts on this thread!

If it really was the first outbreak, then I suppose he can't be blamed (other than the obvious point of not looking into it or being cautious as you've said).

Is it feasible he could have got it off yourself recently op (in order for it to be a first outbreak), do you get cold sores ever? I suppose it's possible you could have it and she'd it without cold sores. It's probably impossible to say.

Anyway, of that really was s first outbreak; he's either caught genital hsv1 off Op without symptoms (oral symptoms on op) or he's had oral sex off someone else recently and caught it from them.

If it wasn't his first outbreak, he's had something before and has been very "remiss" (understatement) in checking what it was .. or knows what it was and hasn't been remotely responsible about recurrences and passing it on to op.

Secondly, it's a sore. Usually not particularly painful disagree. I had many and it was so painful I couldn't walk!

It's v unpleasant but you're unlikely to get recurrences after the initial period again this is wrong. Most people do have outbreaks and OP needs to be aware and prepared for this.

Maybe people commenting don't have first hand experience or they have been very lucky but generally it is painful, you will feel unwell and you need to be prepared for outbreaks albeit outbreaks every day 2 or 3 years ie get some anti virals!

I'm presuming it's the case that first outbreak is very likely to happen not long after infection - that seems to be the case in any cases I'm aware of.

again this is wrong. Most people do have outbreaks and OP needs to be aware and prepared for this.

Of hsv1?

Some people itt are talking about hsv2 (confusingly).

you need to be prepared for outbreaks albeit outbreaks every day 2 or 3 years

We're you swabbed and the type confirmed as hsv1?

I genuinely believe he didn't know. He has previously got cuts (sorry tmi tight foreskin issues prior to circumcision) hence why I didn't think anything of it.
His mum said she thinks he or his brother may have had one when he was very young so there is a possibility that he has had it and not known about it. I think it's easier to believe he hasn't cheated as the relationship was a good one. He's absolutely devasted that he is the cause of it and has been supportive since the diagnosis but I still can't help but felt so depressed.

My first outbreak was horrific to add my period started a few days after it I could barely walk I could barely stand I was taking 3 salt baths a day there's scars too. The thought of having to go through this again is horrible I've never felt so crap and adding the mental aspect doesn't help.

I am just a mess my head is literally just going 100mph it's nice he's supportive but at the end of the day I have no one else I can talk to I can't tell anyone it's just me and sooner or later he will leave anyway so I'll just be alone. I am rambling again and I am sorry.

*Were

It's hsv1.

His mum said she thinks he or his brother may have had one when he was very young so there is a possibility that he has had it and not known about it.

Sorry I don't understand this; he had a heroes lesion/blister in his genitals when he was young?!

Or a cold sore? Is she saying he's somehow infected himself genitally with oral herpes? Trying to figure out how that would happen.

It's obviously more likely he's been infected genitally via oral sex.

The thought of having to go through this again is horrible

I've not had a recurrence of hsv1.

And j understand that if you do, they're usually milder than first (and milder than hsv2).

@Sodepressedwiththis

It's hsv1.

I was asking the poster who said I'm wrong about recurrences and you should prepare yourself for regular recurrences etc.

Just wanted to make sure she wasn't referring to hsv2.

(I realise that he could have infected you with hsv1 via oral sex if he's had a cold sore in the past (or even if he hadn't but has the virus in his face etc like many people) but due to the cut/lesion you've mentioned and the lack of mention of oral sex on you; I presumed it was genital to genital transmission that was supposed to be the culprit).

I don't know what to think anymore I'm pretty sure it was genital to genital. I don't know if he/his mum was trying to give an explanation (he didn't tell her I was diagnosed just asked in passing if he ever had it as a child) but I'm almost certain it was genital to genital as I didn't think you could have hsv1 orally and genitally.

Hi OP, sorry to hear this. I too was devastated, to be honest I still am 10+ yrs later.
I’ve done a lot of work on myself emotionally which has really helped lessen the outbreaks.
I was advised to see the ‘outbreaks’ as an emotional out break coming out of me.
So when it happens, I talk to myself. Send healing and love to that area and ask what is it I’m not looking at for my body to have to break out to ask me to look at or do something.
Just had a quick google and found these snippets you might find helpful.
Oh and Neem Oil helps sooth the pain.