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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP kicked down doors

61 replies

Anyonelikemearound · 10/02/2021 11:59

Posting In AIBU for traffic.

DP and I just had a tiny spat that just exploded. Started with me asking him a question, he said he couldn’t hear me and I repeated 5 times before i got arsey and said turn the tv down then. He did finally and I said it didn’t matter now. From here he just lost it , followed me upstairs, telling me to leave he’s done etc , he’s screaming so I go into the spare room and lock the door. He breaks it down and I told him I can’t leave as all my clothes are in the wash and I’m only wearing a jumper. He says he doesn’t care, just screaming at me and I’m shaking. He asks why I’m shaking and I feel embarrassed so I go into the bedroom and he breaks down that door too.

I have no money to travel anywhere not that I can, only family is strained relationship and they’re isolating with Covid, it’s his house and I’m just a permitted occupant so I have no rights about living here.

I can’t leave at all as genuinely all clothes are stuck in a fucking wash.

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 10/02/2021 17:07

Are there children there?

Canitbemagic · 10/02/2021 17:11
Original poster
Anyonelikemearound · 10/02/2021 17:20

No children thank god. He cried and said he wanted to kill him self which I know i shouldn’t take as anything to do with me and that he’s bluffing. I asked him if he still wanted to kick me out and he said no. Then he said he didn’t know.

I tried to take the dog out for a walk and he kicked off again. So his self pity lasted not long at all , he hasn’t apologised.

OP posts:
candycane222 · 10/02/2021 17:21

Glad you're still there op, i was wondering how things were especially as i think your thread was moved. I hope youve been able to get away from this guy and his violent behaviour. There is definitely help out there for you, even the government realises that during lockdown people sometimes need to travel etc for safety, so do find out exactly what helpmyou are entitled to. You will never be safe with someone who smashes up his own home in a rage, unfortunately, so do please get away/stay away

candycane222 · 10/02/2021 17:22

Gah cross post i didn't mean k am hlad you're still with him op, im not!

candycane222 · 10/02/2021 17:24

Didn't mean I am glad you're still with him, that should say, sorry, fat fingers

WeatherwaxOn · 10/02/2021 17:28

Take the dog with you and walk to the nearest police station.

SummerHouse · 10/02/2021 17:36

You need to get the heck out OP. The crying and wanting to kill himself is classic controlling behaviour. At least talk it through with someone. The helpline again 0808 2000 247.

Soontobe60 · 10/02/2021 17:39

This man is very dangerous. You need to contact the police now. Tell them what happened earlier. I’m afraid for your safety! Please phone the police.

snowydaysandholidays · 10/02/2021 18:23

You are not safe op. You need to leave now. If you aren't going to call the police. Take some money and go, make an excuse about fresh air and leave immediately.

There are hotels open, we can help you with finding one. You can organise help from there. Please don't stay there.

user1732578431456 · 10/02/2021 18:28

The part that worries me is that you don't seem to be registering how extremely abnormal and dangerous this is.

MissyMoooo · 10/02/2021 18:56

I have been exactly where you are right now OP. I was terrified but also terrified to leave. He said he would kill himself if I left. Then he said he’d hunt me down and kill me first. He was always remorseful and made me feel like it was my fault. He was physically and emotionally abusive. He broke me. You need to call the police. Or at the very least you need to get out and away from him as fast as you can. This will not stop. It will get worse, I promise you Flowers

Wolfiefan · 10/02/2021 19:01

You need to get out. Him apologising wouldn’t make this ok.
If he won’t let you go you need to call the police. Get yourself safe OP. Flowers

Krampusnolongerbabysits · 10/02/2021 19:02

He isn't going to kill himself. His ilk never do! He is far more likely to harm you. Please take note of people's suggestions. He has now crossed a line.

Stompythedinosaur · 10/02/2021 19:08

His safety is not your responsibility. He is using threats of suicide to control you. It is abuse.

swinglowsweetchariot12 · 10/02/2021 19:12

Why the duck are you still there OP?

Regularsizedrudy · 10/02/2021 19:13

He’s not going to Kill himself, but he is going to hurt you if you stay there. Please go to the police

Idratherberude · 10/02/2021 19:19

You're in danger while he's near you.

BlueThistles · 10/02/2021 19:22

Vicious man

Whydidimarryhim · 10/02/2021 19:23

He deliberately started that agrugement and it was planned.
He won’t kill himself either.
He’s abusive and it will turn physical if you stay as you have shown you will put up with his behaviour.
Let your family know.
Stay safe.

Twillow · 10/02/2021 19:30

Please please please do not give him another chance. Tell your family even if things are tricky - or a friend - and get the hell out as soon as safely possible. Call the police if needs be.
I know it sounds embarrassing to tell people but believe me you will get help.
I wish I'd got out the first time it happened. Stupidly stayed trying to help him with his issues - now my kids are damaged with serious psychological issues as a result of living in a situation where you never knew what would make him explode next.
I wish i'd confided in people a lot earlier. When I did I got so much support it was incredible. They saved us.

Twillow · 10/02/2021 19:31

And yes agree - he is not going to kill himself. It's a self-pity threat. I heard it for 20 years and 10 more since leaving and he's still alive and kicking.

Loopylobes · 10/02/2021 19:33

He is training you to accept his abusive behaviour. You need to leave him.

He will either threated to kill himself again, threaten you or try to persuade you that you don't deserve any better.

If you don't walk away now, he will repeat the whole thing and each time it will be harder to leave.

Please call the police and accept their help to leave safely. Then block every route he has to communicate with you.

ItbarelysnowsinLondon · 10/02/2021 19:40

He sounds just like my ex and he was monstrous. Please seek help OP.

He will harm you Sad

Mammma91 · 10/02/2021 19:52

OP, call women’s aid. If your in immediate danger, call 999. Put your clothes in the dryer now, even stick some old pjs/shorts anything on. Gather your stuff without making a scene about it (to refrain him from kicking off again) call anyone, family, friends, and get out. You shouldn’t feel threatened - if you are really stuck, you are welcome to message me and i can try help you get the right resources x