Why do I stay??

[Alicew00]

Yesterday I calmly asked my boyfriend of 1 year if he says he is so smart why not get a job aa he could do anything he wanted. He decided to call my brother in law greedy for working all week to support his family because my boyfriend doesn't want to work long hours.
He said there's no point in working to come home tired and moody and to save up for nothing. He said my dad works all week and might save up and not spend it on anything. Said what's the point in that.
Then he started bringing up bills that I pay for and said I need to get rid of netflix even though I can afford it and my kids use it alot! He said he can't believe I spent 50 pound on my teenage sons trainers last year for his birthday when they didn't fit but I said they fit his brother and I got his big brother a bigger size. But then he said well what if you didn't have the younger brother? That I would of had to sell them cheaper.
Oh he went on and on!
I know it's daft to stay but I split up with him before
before treating me like crap and realised I loved him and don't want to regret it again.

Ditch this man permanently before you get further dragged down with him. You split up with him before so how is it you took him back this time around?. He has not changed.

What is there to love about him at all, he insults your relatives, tells you to get rid of Netflix which you can afford and questions your choices. Are you really confusing love here with codependency?. Read about codependency in relationships and see how much of this relates to your own behaviour.

Why is your relationship bar this low that he is in your life at all?. What sort of an example is he to your children?

He's so good to the kids I don't get him.
And I think he's using me for a place to stay warm and have his tea done for him. He puts petrol in my car and tops up the gas sometimes but I just think you're right. I think I'm on the verge of letting go for good

Low self-esteem?
Perhaps, you don't really believe you deserve better in life or from men?What sort of relationship models did you have growing up?

What sort of example do you think this man is giving to your children? He’s taking the piss out of you day in day out.

Do you work?

I think most of the ladies on the group would describe your bloke as a 'Cocklodger'. He does seem like a lazy arse with an answer for everything. Answers for everything don't achieve anything. Getting up in the morning and going to work does.

I do work part time.
category12 I had 2 hard working parents that didn't really show me any love only gave us what we want and needed.

Don't let him move in with you. Has he ever worked. Why is your brother in law greedy for working all week to support his family

He thinks that doing the pots is a way to make it look like he's doing good so he can go be lazy again and expect me to bring him cups of tea but I give up doing that.

So maybe because you felt a lack of love but had material things growing up, you're desperate to feel loved but are accepting quite substandard behaviour because of that?

I must be because I don't feel loved at all anymore.
I feel like I'm getting nothing but pain. Even on our 1st anniversary at home he hardly looked at me only at his phone and he put football on telly. Yes he wouldn't tell me to get rid of that!
I don't think think he loves me.
He said last week he wishes he was at home so he could stay up past midnight watching football but I never stop him doing anything.
And I've caught him watching porn more times than I can count on my hand but I know most men do watch it????
Or am I being too nice? I was angry but I didn't say anything last time because he blatantly lied to my face.

What on earth is there to love about this feckless cocklodger? Please set a good example for your children and get rid of him. He can go back to mummy.

I'm sorry I had to laugh! What the heckkk? Definitely get rid... you clearly don't see eye to eye on this and most likely a lot of other things. He's using those excuses to be lazy. Because let be honest... working more hours means more money which means what? More date nights? More stability for you both? More holidays? Just being able to enjoy life more in general... that's just my opinion anyways. And to be honest it gives you both more security and stability. If you worked part time, he would have to work full time I'm assuming... so why is he letting you take the load? He needs to get a grip and pull his weight and not tell you what to cut out of your outgoings if you can afford it and he couldn't!

He has terrible standards that will ultimately impact you. Has no drive or work ethic, can't see the benefit of working. Questions your financial choices, but he's made disastrous ones! He's going to be a financial leech either on you or the state or both. He's not a good role model for your children. This is a fish I'd quickly Chuck back in the sea!

So if you don't feel loved in return, you're wasting your time/energy completely. There isn't even that to make you feel good in it. It's rubbish and you're only a year into it.

Dump him again and work on your self-esteem. Go through the pain of breaking up, go no-contact and make yourself move on from him.

So he ignores you, watches porn and prefers football over staying with you?! Manchild get rid! He's vile.

Thanks all

He’s a cocklodger op, get rid.

WOULD ANYONE TELL ME HOW I END IT. WHAT I SAY ETC I'm not good at this lol

'You're not making me or my children happy and you bring nothing positive to our lives. Fuck off and don't come back'.

Will that do?

Ask him to leave today and do not be afraid to call the police if he refuses to do so.

Your own parents taught you a lot of damaging lessons about relationships when you were growing up and you need to address that in counselling before you actually embark on another relationship. Your boundaries here are skewed and need work, he will have done his further bit here to wreak those and you remain very much vulnerable to such approaches.

"Pack your shit and fuck off, cunty bollocks" should cover it!

Tempting ;)

OK, pick very bland statements that he cannot argue with or refute, and just keep repeating them. Don't talk about his behaviour, just continue repeating along the lines of "This relationship isn't making me happy, so I'm ending it. Please get your stuff together and go back to your mum's."

If he starts crying about "I can't go to my muuuuuuum waily waily" then just keep repeating "You need to make arrangements elsewhere then, as I need you to move out today."

Get your locks changed as soon as he's gone. Don't trust him to give you his key back.

I repeat, don't say ANYTHING that gives him a chance to dispute. Just stick to talking about YOU and the decision that YOU have made. He is not entitled to an explanation or justification. You have decided it's over, that's all he needs to deal with. Just stick to your line of "I've made my decision and it's not up for discussion."

Good luck, I know it's really hard but it's so worth it to get your calm, happy home back with you happy and focussed on your DC.

So he doesn’t work and earn money. How does he pay the bills? How does he pay for his phone and clothes? Who buys the food?

I know the answer without you replying.

Sorry you are a mug.

Write down what to say, just a few sentences, and practise saying it. You have to decide and stick to it when he tries to win you round by washing the pots .

Ok definitely! as he said he wants us to watch a film and get takeaway for Sunday valentines. I instantly said why are you been so generous.

The I'm not happy anymore is the only thing I'll have to say to him. I cant live like this anymore. I'm so unhappy. He's made me cry so many times. And on my birthday and new year too

You've done a whole lot of complaining about him but you are still choosing to be with him? Are you trying to justify this to yourself. Because I can't understand after your posts as to why anyone would willingly choose this. Why would you bring such a poor example around your kids?