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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He punched me on the nose!

74 replies

CryingHelps · 09/02/2021 01:41

First time that he's been physical. Athough, we've had a few spats when he's pushed me over and he doesn't know his own strength. I've always thought tit for tat but now, I know he's crossed the line. I've left a note for him but I don't know what else to do. I want to call it over but I know he'll blame xyz. Help me be strong.

OP posts:

Kittykat93 · 09/02/2021 07:32

You may think your ds is 'blissfully asleep' as you put it, but trust me, he will hear the arguments, he will see the bruises, what do you think that's going to be teaching him as he grows up? If you cant leave for yourself, leave for him.

CodenameVillanelle · 09/02/2021 07:36

Did you call the police and get him removed?

LaurieFairyCake · 09/02/2021 08:12

I hope you've managed to call the police

Confusedandshaken · 09/02/2021 08:32

@Kittykat93

This is absolutely true. Not only will he hear it all, he will find a way of blaming himself.

Leave now. Leave right now. Never, ever reconcile. If you won't do it for you do it for your son

TeeBee · 09/02/2021 08:32

Really hoping you've gone quiet because you're taking action OP. Your child deserves better than this. You deserve better than this. It's clear cut. That fucking prick punched you!!! In the face!!!

TeeBee · 09/02/2021 08:35

Very true about children hearing. I still remember exactly the words said during my parents quiet arguing when I was in bed. I must have been around seven. My partner remembers sitting in the stairs listening to his father beat and rape his mother. He has so many issues because of it. So yeah, there's every chance your child is hearing what is happening. You need to stop the damage to him and to you.

Greenevalley · 09/02/2021 08:39

You’re scared but it’s never going to be easy.
Get him out now, deal with it all now.
The police should support you. Ring the police.

YoniAndGuy · 09/02/2021 09:10

'Doesn't know his own strength'

Can you see how meaningless that sentence is except as a means of excusing him further?

In what world does a punch to the face mean anything other than violence and causing someone pain? What difference does it make how strong they are?

'Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not very strong you see, so I thought that punching you would be fine and wouldn't hurt that much.'

Even if he didn't HAVE much strength it wouldn't make a difference to the violence. Unless he is so mentally deficient that he should be in an institution for his and others' safety.

Leave, report, no more minimising the nasty abusive twatty thug.

lottiegarbanzo · 09/02/2021 09:25

I would call the police and ask them to remove him.

Once he's gone, speak to police and probably a solicitor (free 20 mins) about getting an order to keep him away from you, DS and your house.

Punching someone in the face has nothing to do with 'knowing ones strength', It is always violent, dangerous and wrong. Very badly wrong. Would it be ok if a small, unfit woman punched a man in the face? No. I'd expect him to leave her.

pinkyredrose · 09/02/2021 09:34

It's your house please call the police and report the assault. After they've arrested him remove anything he's left at yours and leave outside his place or ask the police to take his stuff with him when they take him. Don't let him have a reason to come back to yours.

MerryChristmasToYou · 09/02/2021 10:35

Get your nose checked. If it is broken, it will probably be ABH.

Pushing you is assault.

MerryChristmasToYou · 09/02/2021 10:36

Go to the police.

RubyGoat · 09/02/2021 11:29

@TheWho67 are you ok? Did he leave, did you call the police?

Itstimetoquit · 09/02/2021 13:58

How are you op x

Felyne · 09/02/2021 17:17

My husband told me something he heard on a radio talkback once about male violence, the guest was a counselor.
It's when they are asked why they hurt people and the perpetrators say "I couldn't control myself"
"Well then why didn't you just kill her?" asks the counselor.
"Oh I wouldn't go that far" says the perpetrator.
"Then you can control yourself."

PinotPony · 09/02/2021 21:40

Hoping you're ok, OP. Did you get some help today?

TheChip · 09/02/2021 21:48

OP, please just phone the police and have him removed from your home. If you can't do it for you, then do it for your child!
You need to protect your child.

Whydidimarryhim · 09/02/2021 22:30

Abusers are very much in control when they assault you. They are able to control their temper with others - Lundy Bancroft has a free pdf book Why Does He Do That - inside the mind of controlling men.
Once he’s hit you it will continue.
Protect yourself and your children.
He will apologise, beg, plead and even threaten suicide -
It will be prudent to call the police and report him.
He’s done it before and this is who he is.
Look after yourself.

Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep · 09/02/2021 22:38

I hope you're ok. I hope you and your child are safe.

Gobbeldegook · 09/02/2021 22:53

Mamanyt · 10/02/2021 00:38

@TheWho67

I know you are right. I'm in tears, was in shock before. I need to compose myself. Please keep on at me, I need strength. I'm not going to sleep but I fear fatigue will make me weaken. Sadly, I've been here before for minor things and thought its not so bad. A punch though! Yes it smarts. Does it matter that we've both had a few drinks? I guess not. An assault is an assault, just sounds so harsh.

When people are drunk, I've found, they are most truly themselves. They say and do the things that they lack the courage to do when sober. This is who he is at his core. Now you know.

Dontjumptoconclusions · 10/02/2021 01:05

OP hope you're OK x

SheilaWilcox · 10/02/2021 22:08

Don't feel shame. This is on him not you. You can't control what he does, but you CAN control how you respond to it.

I hope you are okay.

Even if you have stayed. You can still come back on here for a hand hold and advice. It's not easy, but it is easier than you have built it up to be and you CAN get through this to a better life for you and your child.

SkySmiler · 11/02/2021 13:17

How are you op

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