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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He punched me on the nose!

74 replies

CryingHelps · 09/02/2021 01:41

First time that he's been physical. Athough, we've had a few spats when he's pushed me over and he doesn't know his own strength. I've always thought tit for tat but now, I know he's crossed the line. I've left a note for him but I don't know what else to do. I want to call it over but I know he'll blame xyz. Help me be strong.

OP posts:
DifficultBloodyWoman · 09/02/2021 02:45

What would you do if a stranger did this to you?

Should the behaviour of someone who is supposed to love you be higher or lower than what you expect of a stranger?

Ruddyfedup · 09/02/2021 02:45

Call the police now and get him out. Dont wait. Dont wait until your DC is up and awake and see your injuries and how he will treat you, dont sit there awake all night in your own home after being assaulted again by this man while he sleeps soundly in your bed. You dont need a letter to tell him its over, you call the police, make sure he doesnt take a key or they take it off him and you get him out. He is an abuser, he is violent, he will not go quietly unless you have help from the police.

rawalpindithelabrador · 09/02/2021 02:51

I tripped once and smacked my nose. The next day my eyes would barely open and were both black. I'd broken my nose. I'd thought it was no big deal because there wasn't a lot of bleeding, felt like a fool for tripping. Please don't leave this.

TheWho67 · 09/02/2021 02:52

I know you are right. I'm in tears, was in shock before. I need to compose myself. Please keep on at me, I need strength. I'm not going to sleep but I fear fatigue will make me weaken. Sadly, I've been here before for minor things and thought its not so bad. A punch though! Yes it smarts. Does it matter that we've both had a few drinks? I guess not. An assault is an assault, just sounds so harsh.

rawalpindithelabrador · 09/02/2021 02:55

My kids were horrified and I'd simply lost my footing on a trail, had my hands in my pockets and fell. I had thought it was no biggie and went home and cleaned myself up and took ibuprofen and iced it and went to bed as usual. I was astonished at how it looked after just a few hours.

rawalpindithelabrador · 09/02/2021 02:57

NO, it does NOT matter if you've had a few. He punched you in the face and has assaulted you before. You and your child are not safe with this man in the house. Please call the police. Please. He may have broken your nose. I was sober and didn't realise the damage until the next day when I couldn't hardly open my eyes and my h drove me straight to walk in/minors. I felt like a fool, but I'd broken my nose.

rawalpindithelabrador · 09/02/2021 03:02

It was Spring so light long and I'd gone for a trail loop walk/run around 8 in the evening and tripped around 9. Was really embarrassed at such a stupid fall but boy the next day! I had to ice my eyes to be able to open them much. Please call the police!

Wendyhause · 09/02/2021 03:02

Time has passed since you first posted and you are no nearer to taking the best and most sensible advice you have been given. I completely understand your reluctance to act this very night (it is going to be morning soon!) as you feel afraid of taking such a serious and massive step to have this man removed and arrested. Others here have been through the same and much worse than you. Do you really want your life to be like this from tomorrow onwards? Waiting and wondering how long it will be until the next argument which enrages him to the point of using his fists again.
Your child may not have witnessed tonight's episode but he will see others if he hasn't already. Is that what you want?

rawalpindithelabrador · 09/02/2021 03:04

Your son will see your face. Honestly, you need to call the police.

SheilaWilcox · 09/02/2021 03:08

Grab essentials. Phone, charger, money, stuff for kids.
Leave now.
Call Police or go to A&E to get injuries logged etc. You will be safe from him and they will help you call women's aid.
Him being asleep is a good thing. You can get things sorted before he wakes up and Police can help you return.

Good luck.

wirldsgonemad · 09/02/2021 03:14

If you stay, it will just get worse and worse and worse. And you'll be an enabler. End the cycle of violence and get out now. I really hope no kids are involved.

TheWho67 · 09/02/2021 03:20

I know what I have to do but I'm caught in the beast from the east. Doesn't make it easy. There's over a foot of snow outside my door. My DS is blissfully asleep. He's asleep. I'm a mess emotionally. I'll fall asleep eventually but will have to deal with it in the morning.
I have to stay strong but I know its not going to be easy, obviously. Oh feck feck feck. I need to man up. I'm shamed.

clockstopper · 09/02/2021 03:23

@TheWho67

I know what I have to do but I'm caught in the beast from the east. Doesn't make it easy. There's over a foot of snow outside my door. My DS is blissfully asleep. He's asleep. I'm a mess emotionally. I'll fall asleep eventually but will have to deal with it in the morning. I have to stay strong but I know its not going to be easy, obviously. Oh feck feck feck. I need to man up. I'm shamed.
Stop making excuses that will make it easier for the bastard to abuse you again. Call the police, let them deal with snow and him.
Nat6999 · 09/02/2021 03:29

Call the police, they will remove him & ban him from coming near you or contact you as part of his bail conditions. Ring them now, while he is asleep, they can wake him up.

LunaNorth · 09/02/2021 03:35

Please call the police on the bastard.

Marshmallow91 · 09/02/2021 03:45

Call the police now, don't wait til morning. Tell them you want him removed from the house. While he's gone, get the locks changed and don't contact him - only through a relative or friend to arrange the collection of his items. If you are worried, the police will attend to stop him kicking off. Please stay safe op.

Itssnowman · 09/02/2021 05:21

Op, have you called the police?...you’ve gone quiet.

Literallynoidea · 09/02/2021 05:55

Take a photo of your poor nose so you have evidence for further down the line.

mathanxiety · 09/02/2021 06:00

@CryingHelps
@TheWho67

This isn't the first line for him to cross. It will be the last one if you call the police and get him out of your life.

You can't sleep because you are in shock. Make yourself a cup of hot, sweet tea. Wrap yourself in a blanket. Don't even think of having this out with him.

Do you have family nearby, or a friend? Could you contact them and tell them you need their help? Don't worry about covid,. This is very important. They could take DS and look after him for the day tomorrow, or take you to have your nose looked after.

Can you promise yourself that you will go to a hospital A&E in the morning, tell doctors/nurses there what happened, have your nose x-rayed, and ask them to notify the police? Can you do this for yourself and for your child?

MinnieJackson · 09/02/2021 06:08

Are you safe now OP?

Mamanyt · 09/02/2021 06:12

@TheWho67

It's my house and my DS is here. I can't pretend everything is fine. I have to say something tomorrow. Oh god. I didn't realise how this worked. He's done it by stealth. What a fecking wake up call! He has to go but I'm now scared of him. There's been a few other things but I'm on the ASD spectrum and ways put it down to that. I always thought my super strong boundaries were to blame. Maybe not.
Your house is not worth your life. Take DS and go somewhere safe.

Yes, that's how they do it, by stealth. A raised voice, belittling your choices, nibbling away at your confidence. A raised hand with no contact, and then more and more and more until, if you are lucky, you are having your jaw wired shut and 29 stitches. If you are not lucky, you won't need any of that, and your DS will have watched you being killed in front of him.

Chloemol · 09/02/2021 06:52

If it’s your house call the police, report him and tell them you don’t want him in the house anymore. Don’t let him back in. You can’t let this behaviour continue and now is your chance

rwalker · 09/02/2021 07:12

Leave" TIT for TAT RELATIONSHIP" never ends well it's unhealthy.

FatCatThinCat · 09/02/2021 07:19

I fully agree with all the others, call the police and have them remove him. He's escaling and next time he may kill you or he may hurt you by hurting your child instead. Been there, done that and believe me this will never get better, it will only get worse.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 09/02/2021 07:25

@CryingHelps, you may like to consider reporting your post and asking MNHQ to move it to Relationships. It's in AIBU at the moment which isn't the best place.

End it with him and call the police. The only person to blame for him hitting you is him. Besides, it's not the "first time he's been physical" is is, he's pushed you over on other occasions!

PS changing your username in the middle of an active thread just makes it harder for people to keep track if it gets a lot of replies!