People who work or who's partners work nights.

[Ledkr]

I want a bit of perspective here.
Dh is police and works a shift pattern 2 x 7-5 2 x 2-12 and 2x nights 11-7.
He then gets 4 days off. Loads of these shifts are at weekends or finish just before a weekend.
I work mon to fri school hrs and we have 2 dd at home 18 and 9.
He often finishes late on the lates and so needs to sleep the next day often till its nearly time to go back in.
Obv on the nights he also sleeps in the day and gets up around tea time.
My issue is that on his days off he is so knackered that he sleeps a the time. Lies in til 12 if we havent got plans and is then dozing off on the sofa in the evening.
I get he's shattered, i used to work nights too but im wondering if hes anaemic or unwell or of this is what most people do. Its really impacting on our lives now as we get hardly get any time together. Our youngest was so excited that he was here at the weekend and he slept till 2 sat and 12 sunday.
It obv feels worse at the moment cos we dont really see anyone else so look forward to his days off.
So I was wondering if this is pretty standard.

I worked nights for a while in my old job (5 days of 10PM-6AM) and as I was single at the time I actually quite liked it, it was sort of more attuned to my natural body clock and I was able to structure my days only around myself (and plus I got an enhanced rate of pay). However I would be very tired by the weekend and thinking about it now that I have a partner to do things with I think I would have either missed out a lot by sleeping as much as I needed to, or struggled to wake up too early and felt zombified.

So I think from my own experience it is fairly normal (I wasn't getting up at tea time though, maybe closer to 1PM or 2PM) but at the same time it isn't a schedule that is great for family life. Also actually I think all the different shifts (earlies, lates, overnights) in a row like that can make you more tired than just working straight nights.

I know changing jobs probably isn't an option for him, he could maybe try taking vitamins? I know that's a bit of a trite suggestion but some people do say vitamins and supplements really reinvigorate them. Sorry I'm not much help, I don't think anyone is wrong in this situation but it's a tough one

My husband is on the same shift pattern and it's shit. It's not actually 4 days off is it as if you get in at that time you need to sleep.

This is why people on shifts have a shortened life span (not that the government care after extending the age they can retire).

He started trying to take a set of nights off each month to try and help, it's ok this year as he has loads of holiday to use up!

Because it's a varied pattern, his body clock isn't set, it's all over the place, and so he never really catches up. This sort of shiftwork is hell on your body, reduces your lifespan, and generally fucks with your family life. It's not a job pattern I'd recommend to a parent.

I do the same, but my shifts are slightly different. 7-4 (5 on Friday to Sunday) 12.30-22.00 and 2200-0700. The first rest day really isn't, as you're trying to get over the night shift. I sleep until about 1300 and then force myself up to do stuff. That's usually our takeaway night as I can't force myself into the kitchen, or I plan ready meals (ping food).

Then of course I can't sleep at night, even laying there frustrated. I've tried good sleep hygiene but I'm basically knackered until the next early. It's easier atm as I'm wfh so I can get on with stuff at home in between phone calls or intell work.

I book regular time off. Loads of toil and a/l saved up from 2020 I've got a week off after my next set and I book half days midweek, for things like Valentines just so I can reconnect with family.

I'm actually looking to apply for reduced hours to drop to 80% as I'm getting older and it's not viable in the long term as I have shit health issues. But strangely nights are my favourite shift. I used to do just nights when I worked in an IBM PC factory (pre kids) and I just switched my whole body clock around. Before lockdown I used to go straight to the gym in the morning and get my shopping done before home and bed. Now I sit in front of the fire that I keep in and read for a bit then sleep for 8 hours. Too cold to go out!

But if you have littlest, then he need to reset his clock after the last night either by just having 4 or 5 hours, or powering through and getting an early night. I'm lucky in that mine have grown up now.

There’s a big difference between working nights for a few years and working them forever.

My mum always tries to empathise because she worked 8-10 hr nights for around eighteen months at 21......she doesn’t understand that working 12.5 hr nights 50% of the time for a decade is quite different.....especially if you have young children or other caring responsibilities (the period where I was a carer for an adult with a terminal illness was hands down the darkest period of my life, I have never been so tired).

I’ve just been reading about shift work sleep disorder. Really interesting. Maybe have a read and see what you think?

My OH does night shifts. He works Monday to Thursday from 10pm until 7am. He does the exact same. We get next to no time together tbh.

DH and I are both police officers, although I'm not on shift any more and he is. I've done that shift pattern you've mentioned and it's an absolute killer, especially if you're regularly getting off late.

Unfortunately these unsociable shifts and feeling like shit after are part and parcel of the job. Some sort of routine helps - when I'd come off my last night I would only have about 4/5 hours sleep, a bit of a lazy day and a reasonably early night to try to reset. 4 days off isn't enough (it's essentially only 3 days really) and has been brought up many, many times by the Fed.

A decent diet, something to look forward to on your days off and am abundance of vitamin D helps.

Just out of interest, I guess, but what’s the reasoning behind that shift pattern?

Wouldn’t it be better (for the officers doing them) to do blocks of nights, then days then mid-shifts and rotate? So a week of each with rest days after.

It seems to be an almost deliberately disruptive pattern so there must be some benefit to someone..?

No idea @PaterPower. It's been 6 on / 4 off for a while.

Used to be 12 hour shifts with lots of quick changeovers until the EU working directive put an end to that!

Look up shift worker syndrome, it will explain a lot.
And you don't say how old DH is but I have found it harder as I've got older, much harder to be honest.

It affects everything, trying to turn yourself from shift to shift to normal life takes it's toll, and it's not just about being awake and there, you've got to be as responsive and alert at 3am as you would be at 3pm, and you're already fighting the natural urge to sleep, as well as any stresses and strains the job itself brings, so things like caffeine and sugar usually make an appearance too, not great for general well being.

Quality of sleep is also not as good during the day, and I found that I got bad sleeping at night too, and I had no set eating pattern.

It has to some extent, taken over my life in the way you describe with your DH, but I need to pay the bill.
I would hope being I the police, he gets some financial compensation for nights etc, I don't although I used to, I think considering the effects it has, there should be enhanced pay still for unsociable hours, sadly in jobs like mine, there's not.

I'm a pysche nurse and work mainly nights with some earlies and lates. I'm always tired and feel like my days off are spent catching up on sleep. I've come off a night shift last night but can't sleep now. I think this is fairly common for shift workers.

@Mermaidwaves snap on the night shift!
Last of 5, off for 2, I've come in and done a bit but I can't really settle, I'll get up about 2 and spend the afternoon zombied before falling asleep on the sofa probably as soon as I sit down and then sleeping through until tomorrow morning. I'll have tomorrow but feel like I've got a hangover and then I'm back on Saturday night.
Wishing you good sleep and quiet neighbours today!

I work exactly the same shifts.

If he gets up at 12noon on his last night shift and the goes to bed at 10pm the latest. He should feel a bit better on the next 3 rest days.

That shift pattern is vile! I work 3 long nights thurs to sat (12.5 hrs) and an extra day shift (also 12.5) every 4 weeks on a monday which is grim but your DHs working pattern is horrific. I sleep till 2ish after my last night and feel like hell the next day. I'm always tired but this is marginally better than working 2 x 7.5hr days, 2x 12.5 days or nights with no pattern that I used to do.

Shift work is really hard on family life. I see my toddler more if I do nights as on long days DC is in bed when I leave and come home. It's tough on DH too as effectively he's lone parenting for 3 days/nights.

I dont understand why the EU directive has left the police with such horrific working patterns. In healthcare we still work 12.5-13 hrs but have 2 enforced unpaid 30 min breaks (or just dont get paid for an hour regardless of whether you get to eat or pee) so got lumbered with the 'catch up' shift every 4 weeks.

I spread my AL evenly throughout the year to recover.

@Ohalrightthen

Because it's a varied pattern, his body clock isn't set, it's all over the place, and so he never really catches up. This sort of shiftwork is hell on your body, reduces your lifespan, and generally fucks with your family life. It's not a job pattern I'd recommend to a parent.

This is exactly what I was going to say. My ex was a copper and this was pretty much the norm tbh. I think that ultimately, you wipe out the first day of the 4 days off and from there either make sure you're out/busy if you want him to fight the urge to nap. Maybe by creating plans this would help. Equally, if he needs that nap, maybe embrace that and send him to bed for an hour on the proviso this is all and then he rejoins for some family time.

Sadly these shifts are often incompatible with family life for many people, hence the divorce rates for police. Let alone the premature death rates.

my dh works 7pm to 7am 4 days then 3 off then 7am to 7pm for 4 days then back again...the money is good but I am like a single parent.He is like a zombile.He tries so hard to be cheerful and engaging on his days off but he is exhausted and its getting worse as he is now mid 50s.He is such a lovely man and I do worry about him.Hoping when we come out of the present situation regarding C19 then he can have a rethink and look for another job with less hours and less rotation.Shifts are totally rubbish regarding family life and I feel for everyone who has to do them and the families that have to endure them too.Its a tough life all ways round.

@fakerealist
Oh the same for me! I will feel hung over today, off tommorow and then back on a saturday late and then four nights next week good luck with yours!

I work the same shift pattern and my wife Mon-Fri. Yes it’s a tiring shift pattern but worth it for the days off, unless you’re wasting them in bed. Family time is very important to me. Before working that pattern how was his sleep? Could he easily stay up until 2300-0000 watching telly and then get up for the school run, ect. Does he get up ok for an early shift?
The last night is difficult but you need to force yourself out of bed after a few hours. Yes your shattered the rest of the day and likely doze off every time you sit down, but you need to do it to get back into a normal night time sleep pattern. Usually if I keep busy I can avoid the dozing on the sofa.

My frustration is that hubby doesn't have any energy on his days off so spends a lot of it snoozing. On the days he goes to work it seems like he's a greyhound raring to go!

OMG what an awful shift pattern. My OH is a retired police officer (left 12 yrs ago) In his day you did a week of nights and had a week off afterwards. His days and mids were much better structured to. Basically your time of moved forward a day each week. Just showed your post to him and his first reaction was " What the heck have they done to the shift pattern? That's harsh! Poor blokes won't know if they are coming or going!)

Ask him to get his bloods done, my friend did shifts and was permanently exhausted, would fall asleep if gets comfortable anywhere. Turns out there was an underlying medical issue, although that said could be just shifts. Can you do some fun family exercise stuff in?

My boyfriend works weird shifts including nights and he sleeps in the day after night shifts obviously. He is generally way more tired since starting this shift pattern and falls asleep on the sofa of an evening all the time. Also lower energy and lower libido, I'd hate to work nights and I'm a night owl!

Meant to say that the sytem changed several times in his career and none of them were particularly compatable with family life but it was part of the job. I suppose that was why there was a high divorce rate. Some people could not hack it. I think shifts are horrible whatever job it is. It may be worth checking nothing medical is contributing to his fatigue.

It's a crappy shift pattern. My OH does the same. I used to do nights on his days off to save on childcare costs but it trashed our family life.
I've switched to 9-5 ish type hours now.
I do feel for anyone who's partner has joined the police/changed to shift work after marriage/kids as the missed birthdays/anniversaries/late finishes can really impact on relationships especially if it's not what you're used to.
That said I would second that he gets a few hours kip after his last night and then gets up and goes to bed at a decent time in the evening to reset for his rest days.
Also book some annual leave for nights on weekends/school holidays if he can so you can enjoy some decent time as a family.
If it's anaemia/underlying medical it would likely affect him throughout out the shifts and rest days so see how he goes.
Good luck with being married to the job

I think you're being a bit hard on him.
His body-clock must be all over the place.