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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Husband calls me fat.

29 replies

Olaf14 · 05/02/2021 23:46

I don’t really know where to begin, I am 39 weeks pregnant and have a 23 month old. We have been married for four years and over this time my husband has became abusive.

The current thing he abuses me about is my weight, he calls me fat, fatty, look at you jiggling about, you are massive etc. I am a size 12 and my weight gain through pregnancy has been normal, midwife is not concerned about it. I’ve explained this to my husband and his response is we’ll see what your body is like when the baby is born, you’ve always been fat.

I’m so insecure about my weight now and I have hated the changes to my body during pregnancy, I feel uncomfortable eating around my husband and I honestly feel so low.

I don’t know how to cope anymore.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 05/02/2021 23:48

What an arsehole. What an utterly disrespectful twat, speaking to you like that when pregnant. You know this isn't normal and it isn't going to get better. Can you find a way out of this situation? This is not healthy for you or your children. I'm sorry you're going through this Thanks

category12 · 05/02/2021 23:49

Get rid of 12 stone-odd by leaving the fucker?

babycakes1010 · 05/02/2021 23:49

Your husband is a cunt! You are pregnant and what he is doing is abusive. Get rid of him

Embracelife · 05/02/2021 23:51

The correct sentence is "my EXhusband was abusive"

He should no longer be your husband
He is awful
Can you go to family?

SoulofanAggron · 06/02/2021 00:06

It's really abusive of him to talk to you like that. Sad You clearly haven't always been fat, and aren't fat now, so it's not just verbal abuse, it's psychological abuse too, trying to make you believe things about your self that aren't true, to cut you down. Sad

It's really unhealthy for you and your little ones. Sad I mean, not even 'just' emotionally, physically too his comments could effect your nutrition etc that you and your baby need.

I hope you find a way to separate from him. xxx

4Mongrels · 06/02/2021 00:10

You can change this. I know it must be overwhelming right now, but once you have had the baby and are home I would tell him you want to separate.

He will destroy your confidence and self esteem if he hasn't already.

Wanderlusto · 06/02/2021 00:12

Get yourself away from this asshole before the baby arrives and you're too knackered.

Run for the hills. You only get one life. Dont spend it with an abuser. You deserve to be treated with respect. You'll never get that from him.

Pinkchocolate · 06/02/2021 00:20

Please get help before you start believing the horrible things he is saying to you. If your man can speak to you like that it will never change. You don’t deserve it and you don’t want behaviour like that around you or your children.

honeysuckle21 · 06/02/2021 00:21

He sounds really nasty, at size 12 you not fat, it's a healthy normal size. You are now pregnant not fat, you don't need this pressure and stress at this time, so sorry you are going through this.

SoulofanAggron · 06/02/2021 00:44

I agree with PPs that if you can go somewhere (or get him to go safely) before the birth, that'd be better. Afterwards, it'll be more difficult to organize, as you'll be shattered.

Onthedunes · 06/02/2021 00:45

You are 39 weeks pregnant you probably feel overwhelmed with the hurt he is dishing out to you at this time.

Try to cut off and ignor at the moment...

You won't forget this cruelty and nor should you, I hope your birth goes well and wish you well with your beatiful baby.
Hopefully you will become stronger as the months go on and can decide whether you wan't this nasty, unkind piece of crap in your life.

He just a horrible person, thats the bottom line, sometimes you just can't change that, maybe it's biological maybe its his up bringing but I know no one should have to endure such a foul specimen.

Flowers for you. Tell him to F off from us.

Mrsneedhelp · 19/09/2021 17:27

Hi, first time I have posted anything but I'm so down. The last couple of years I have finally realised that my husband emotionally abuses me.
We have been together 17 years and he has always had a temper but never physically hit me. He has pushed me a few times and once spit in my face! I know.
Anyway no matter what he does he always ends up convincing me that it's my fault. I finally snapped back this week and answered him back so the name calling started he then started telling the kids what a terrible mum I was (they no it's rubbish), but I hate that he involves them anyway one step closer this morning he got his mum on the phone telling me what a bad parent iam. I called the police who told him to go for a walk he now back laughing and joking with his friends on line making me feel like a idiot. I can't leave as I have no money, he won't leave as he has nowhere to go, he now wants half mine and the kids money every week so he can leave. He told all his family I had put him in debt with catalogue (I didn't), he says I have to pay them back. I feel worthless, I'm ugly and fat and useless and he even has me questioning myself regarding previous arguments etc he always says I'm lying and that's why I can't remember anything properly. Sorry for the long post I have no friends to talk to

SpeedRunParent · 19/09/2021 17:35

@Mrsneedhelp

Hi, first time I have posted anything but I'm so down. The last couple of years I have finally realised that my husband emotionally abuses me. We have been together 17 years and he has always had a temper but never physically hit me. He has pushed me a few times and once spit in my face! I know. Anyway no matter what he does he always ends up convincing me that it's my fault. I finally snapped back this week and answered him back so the name calling started he then started telling the kids what a terrible mum I was (they no it's rubbish), but I hate that he involves them anyway one step closer this morning he got his mum on the phone telling me what a bad parent iam. I called the police who told him to go for a walk he now back laughing and joking with his friends on line making me feel like a idiot. I can't leave as I have no money, he won't leave as he has nowhere to go, he now wants half mine and the kids money every week so he can leave. He told all his family I had put him in debt with catalogue (I didn't), he says I have to pay them back. I feel worthless, I'm ugly and fat and useless and he even has me questioning myself regarding previous arguments etc he always says I'm lying and that's why I can't remember anything properly. Sorry for the long post I have no friends to talk to
You need support, it is going to be tough to get rid of this piece of crap but you do need to do it. Do you have family you can trust? Friends close by? I realise in a situation like this the husband often seeks to ruin close relationships for the spouse to maintain control but do you have anyone to turn to?
SpeedRunParent · 19/09/2021 17:36

@Olaf14

I don’t really know where to begin, I am 39 weeks pregnant and have a 23 month old. We have been married for four years and over this time my husband has became abusive.

The current thing he abuses me about is my weight, he calls me fat, fatty, look at you jiggling about, you are massive etc. I am a size 12 and my weight gain through pregnancy has been normal, midwife is not concerned about it. I’ve explained this to my husband and his response is we’ll see what your body is like when the baby is born, you’ve always been fat.

I’m so insecure about my weight now and I have hated the changes to my body during pregnancy, I feel uncomfortable eating around my husband and I honestly feel so low.

I don’t know how to cope anymore.

How are you doing Olaf14?
pog100 · 19/09/2021 17:38

@Mrsneedhelp I didn't want to leave you unanswered but you are best to start your own thread as this will get confused with the original poster.
Anyway, he is clearly an abusive man in many ways and you need to split. There are certainly ways of doing this. If you are married you own half of any assets, savings, pension, car, equity in horse if you own one etc. You can start separation and divorce while in the same house if necessary. Keep talking here, in a new thread if possible, and you will get lots of advice and support.

Outbutnotoutout · 19/09/2021 17:39

You're pregnant NOT fat

Your husband however is a cunt!!!

Mrsneedhelp · 19/09/2021 17:40

Hi, not really no. He gor rid of my friends years ago and my family have been involved numerous times now they all just stay away

Funnylittlefloozie · 19/09/2021 17:40

OP size 12 is not even slightly fat, and even if it was, its a disgusting way for any man to speak to the woman who's carrying his baby. He is horrible and you should NEVER be spoken to like this. If I was you, I would be making plans to go it alone. Anything would be better than living with a pig like him.

Funnylittlefloozie · 19/09/2021 17:41

@Mrsneedhelp, start your own thread, my lovely- the advice to you will get lost. Your partner sounds disgusting as well, though.

MNHQ
MillieMumsnet · 19/09/2021 17:42

Hi @Mrsneedhelp,

Welcome to Mumsnet. As this is someone else's it would be best for you to start a new one to get the best possible support from our lovely Mumsnetters.

Best wishes

Holothane · 19/09/2021 17:46

Get rid and now he’s a bloody disgrace this is tiny compared to others but I’m of the so called joke . slut, Jezebel cocksucker name calling, I have crushes on film stars as those who know me know, they’ve kept me going when life gets tough. I just laugh and think year you’d soon moan if I met a look alike. He spends 70 on fags now. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Holothane · 19/09/2021 17:46

Sorry meant sick of.

frozendaisy · 19/09/2021 17:56

You are a blooming goddess sweet.

You are growing a human, celebrate that your body does that. You need to eat, in fact you should enjoy eating when you are pregnant it's all you have.

His small mind and body can't grow a human so there you go.

With or without him just marvel at your swollen baby holding belly.

No your body will not be the same but your heart will double.

Deal with him as a separate issue.

Bet you look amazing.

cakecakecheese · 19/09/2021 19:54

Get out now. Please get some help, you absolutely cannot stay with someone so nasty.

silverstrawberry · 19/09/2021 20:01

Leave it's downhill from there