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Original poster

He's texting about me

38 replies

OhDearNoEggsHere · 05/02/2021 20:09

Our relationship hasn't been great recently. He was sat in front of me and texting a mate. He kept turning his phone on an angle which piqued my interest. Anyway I couldn't properly see what was said but could definitely see my name. I asked what he was messaging about and was told TV. I told him I thought he was lying and he got shirty with me and moved alongside me so I couldn't see anymore and turned his phone on silent. Should I just leave this alone?

OP posts:
Santaiscovidfree · 05/02/2021 20:11

Unless he is 15 do you really need to accept this crap?

cringyminge · 05/02/2021 20:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/02/2021 20:12

Nah fuck that. I'd wait my chance then read the text and prepare to leave.

RantyAnty · 05/02/2021 20:12

You mention your relationship isn't great. What's stopping you from ending it?

Original poster
OhDearNoEggsHere · 05/02/2021 20:13

Fully grown man...But what can I do about it? I don't know what was said. I'm guessing not complimentary.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDearNoEggsHere · 05/02/2021 20:15

Texting his mate. Another guy who I'm not keen on but it's his friend not mine. Our relationship has suffered during lockdown, but we have a child and house so ideally I'd like to stay together.

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 05/02/2021 20:32

Do you actually like him?
Is he a good human being in general?
Does he treat you with respect?

If the answer is no to any of those things...there is no reason great enough on the planet to stay with him.

YukoandHiro · 05/02/2021 20:37

"Prepare to leave"? Because he's texting a friend, possibly offloading a little about his partner after a bad day, and in lockdown too?

Jesus Christ, this hellsite. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

StephenBelafonte · 05/02/2021 20:46

Is this your partner? It's very disloyal to slag you off to his mates, he's supposed to have your back.

StephenBelafonte · 05/02/2021 20:48

YukoandHiro - i'm guessing your partner has never slagged you off to his mates.

The OP's partner is slagging her off to his mate. Probably not long after he ate the dinner she cooked him.

Onthedunes · 05/02/2021 20:58

If you cannot trust him to be loyal you will never feel safe with him.

You would never be sure enough to open up and reveal your insecurities if you believe he is disrespecting you behind your back.

I hate disloyalty.

Original poster
OhDearNoEggsHere · 05/02/2021 21:03

I just don't know whether to push to know what it was about. In some ways I wish I didn't know. I wouldn't have even been interested in him texting. It was only because he was so obviously turning his phone away from me.

OP posts:
toocold54 · 05/02/2021 21:19

You’re on MN talking about him and not in a good way - how are you any different to him?

You annoyed him and he was having a moan to someone like most people do. I’m sure you’ve moaned about him before it’s normal and healthy.

Meggymoo777 · 05/02/2021 21:25

@toocold54

You’re on MN talking about him and not in a good way - how are you any different to him?

You annoyed him and he was having a moan to someone like most people do. I’m sure you’ve moaned about him before it’s normal and healthy.

This ^

Everyone is entitled to offload and have private conversations with their mates. This is a total non issue

Original poster
OhDearNoEggsHere · 05/02/2021 21:33

@toocold54 yup fair enough. I haven't pushed it and haven't asked anymore. I guess I'm just nosey but I don't think I've been horrible about him on here though have I?

OP posts:
BeHappyAndSmile · 05/02/2021 21:35

@StephenBelafonte

YukoandHiro - i'm guessing your partner has never slagged you off to his mates.

The OP's partner is slagging her off to his mate. Probably not long after he ate the dinner she cooked him.

I'm sorry did I miss a whole backstory here where op plays the doting housewife who has his dinner on the table at 5 every day?

He's probably having a bitch about something @OhDearNoEggsHere, but I'd be pissed off too. If you "had it out" so to speak would it be worth the hassle? Or maybe leave it and when he's not in an obvious huff just tell him it makes you feel shitty and ask him to discuss it like an adult if he has a problem rather than complain to his friends. Either way I wouldn't jump straight to "check his phone" or " be ready to leave"

Original poster
OhDearNoEggsHere · 05/02/2021 21:40

@BeHappyAndSmile you'll be pleased to hear he cooked dinner tonight (although it is usually me!). I'm not going to check his phone or leave. I just feel a bit sad and hurt. I'll leave it. We've all moaned about loved ones to others before I'm sure.

OP posts:
BeHappyAndSmile · 05/02/2021 21:42

Also this year has been hard for relationships so although it's not been great I wouldn't put too much into that. I know I certainly haven't been the perfect partner this year at times and I've definitely had a moan to my friends about trivial stuff, but I've done that because I know it's not a bit deal in the grand scheme and it lets me get things off my chest without causing an unnecessary argument.

honeysuckle21 · 05/02/2021 21:46

Because your relationship isn't great that's why your finding fault, it shouldn't be a problem for a partner to text a mate and the need to know what it's all about.
Work on building a calm atmosphere.

YukoandHiro · 05/02/2021 21:46

@StephenBelafonte I've no idea. I don't read my husband's texts. But I wouldn't be upset if he did because everyone needs to let off steam somewhere. I wouldn't assume it meant anything serious, just that I was really pissing him off that day. That's what a secure relationship is surely?

Either the OP is happy and secure in the relationship or not. A couple of irritated texts aren't the defining factor of that

BeanieB2020 · 05/02/2021 21:46

You never text your friends about him? I'm single but my friends text me about their partners from time to time. Sometimes they just want to bitch about something that's irritating them but not enough of an issue to bring it up, or they're telling a funny story, or they're talking about their partners schedule or something innocuous.

I don't think it's a problem for couples to talk about each other with their friends.

YukoandHiro · 05/02/2021 21:46

Agree with @honeysuckle21

toocold54 · 05/02/2021 21:56

yup fair enough. I haven't pushed it and haven't asked anymore. I guess I'm just nosey but I don't think I've been horrible about him on here though have I?

No you haven’t been horrible but you’re not on here saying how great he is Grin you don’t know what was said so you don’t know he’s being horrible about you either.

Do you know moan about him sometimes to your friends, mum etc or moan to him about them?

Unless you think something happened that you’re worried he’s telling people about then I’d just drop it.

sammylady37 · 05/02/2021 22:19

Of course he’s entitled to text his mates to let off steam or have a moan about things in his relationship, which you acknowledge isn’t great. Why wouldn’t he be entitled to do that?

Imagine the MN uproar if a woman posted saying she was upset after a crap day with her DP so she texted a friend to offload, and her DP was in a huff about it and wanted to see her phone to know what she was texting. Within 3 posts we’d have someone saying this was the start of abuse, that he would soon be saying he didn’t want her to talk to her friends about their relationship and that then he’d start isolating her from her friends and support network.

Original poster
OhDearNoEggsHere · 05/02/2021 22:52

@sammylady37 yes i get that. I'm not in a huff about it. I asked, he lied that it was about TV (which I get he isn't going to be telling me he's talking about me) then we moved on. I'm not in a huff about it. I certainly don't think I'm abusive. I haven't demanded to see his phone or alienated him from his family and friends. He is free to do what he likes and he knows that.

It's just a crap feeling for me.

OP posts: