He's texting about me

[OhDearNoEggsHere]

Our relationship hasn't been great recently. He was sat in front of me and texting a mate. He kept turning his phone on an angle which piqued my interest. Anyway I couldn't properly see what was said but could definitely see my name. I asked what he was messaging about and was told TV. I told him I thought he was lying and he got shirty with me and moved alongside me so I couldn't see anymore and turned his phone on silent. Should I just leave this alone?

How do you know he wasn't discussing a Valentine's gift or something like that?

I think the key is in the op saying our relationship hasn't been great at the moment.

His actions seems a little immature, school yard childish, as though he is talking behind your back. Is that how you feel op.?

It sound vindictive, puposeful and disloyal.

It's equivalent is a man stonewalling or giving the silent treatment yet speaking to others and being friendly to them whilst shutting you out.

She is being made to feel an outsider, not very pleasant.
Don't ignor it op, he knows what he is doing you are being gaslighted.

[quote OhDearNoEggsHere]@sammylady37 yes i get that. I'm not in a huff about it. I asked, he lied that it was about TV (which I get he isn't going to be telling me he's talking about me) then we moved on. I'm not in a huff about it. I certainly don't think I'm abusive. I haven't demanded to see his phone or alienated him from his family and friends. He is free to do what he likes and he knows that.

It's just a crap feeling for me.[/quote]
Sorry op, I wasn’t saying you were abusive and for the record I don’t think you are. I was just saying that if this were posted the other way around, people would accuse him of being abusive as unfortunately here people do that quite a lot even when it’s not the case.

I find it a useful mental exercise sometimes to look at posts here and think what would the responses be if the genders were reversed!

@Onthedunes

I think the key is in the op saying our relationship hasn't been great at the moment.

His actions seems a little immature, school yard childish, as though he is talking behind your back. Is that how you feel op.?

It sound vindictive, puposeful and disloyal.

It's equivalent is a man stonewalling or giving the silent treatment yet speaking to others and being friendly to them whilst shutting you out.

She is being made to feel an outsider, not very pleasant.
Don't ignor it op, he knows what he is doing you are being gaslighted.

So can anyone talk to their friends about their relationship if they’re struggling? What’s wrong with turning to friends for a moan, for a chat, for support? It’s ok to post on the internet about someone though?

Lol i dont know how people tell you to leave him when hes written ur name in a text to a mate. Hes not cheating on u ffs.
If things hav been rough he deserves to talk to a mate about u? U would do the same right! U dont need to know what. Mayb focus on making things better rather than finding new issues that ar minor.

@Onthedunes

I think the key is in the op saying our relationship hasn't been great at the moment.

His actions seems a little immature, school yard childish, as though he is talking behind your back. Is that how you feel op.?

It sound vindictive, puposeful and disloyal.

It's equivalent is a man stonewalling or giving the silent treatment yet speaking to others and being friendly to them whilst shutting you out.

She is being made to feel an outsider, not very pleasant.
Don't ignor it op, he knows what he is doing you are being gaslighted.

Bloody hell. The OP doesn’t even know what he wrote in the text. This is total overkill. Thankfully OP has taken a more measured approach.

You've got no intention of rocking the boat so just put up and shut up.

You were having a nose at what he was writing, spotted your name and he turned his phone away to get some privacy. And that's the basis on which people are now implying he's borderline abusive and you should end the relationship.

Fantastic. MN at its best

It's the cognitive dissonance we all experience.

Everybody moans about other people, we can all be unkind or say bad things about each other but when someone says something bad about us we are hurt and confused.

Some people get over this by practising self-righteousness (I am never unkind!) but it's not true and they are lying to themselves.

In fact a lot could be resolved in this world if everybody was a bit more humble and truthful.

We can all be shits.

I think it is different OP posting on here. Yes, we all moan about our partners from time to time, and covid hasn't helped. But just sitting on the sofa texting/moaning? Seems a bit underhand. I appreciate this may have normally happened at the pub, but sitting in the same room doing it? Something a bit off about that I think.

@FellowFlipFlop

You were having a nose at what he was writing, spotted your name and he turned his phone away to get some privacy. And that's the basis on which people are now implying he's borderline abusive and you should end the relationship.

Fantastic. MN at its best

Yup. And if it was a man wanting to see his wife’s phone he’d be told he was a controlling bastard and to let her have her privacy,,,

Altogether depends what he was saying and how it makes you feel