disinheriting spouse

[savethatkitty]

Background - DH & I have always kept separate finances, due to him being useless with money and me not. During our marriage, all property and assets have been saved for and purchased by me, in my name only, from years of saving by me. DH has contributed nothing to savings or purchasing of property/assets.

When I die, I don't want him to inherit or profit from my estate. Instead I want our 2 DD to benefit from my estate. That is the whole reason I am investing and buying property, so that one day they may benefit.

Has anybody else done this. Does it hold up legally?

Surely it would just be your half of all assets/property that you accumulated regardless of whose name it is in. My understanding is anything accrued during the marriage is jointly owned regardless of whose name is put to it so you can will your half but the other half is your husbands anyway.
He may not have contributed directly to savings/property/assets but he would have contributed in other ways, just as a SAHM does.
I may be wrong but that’s what I thought.

@Chiccie yes I did get half, and was very horrid and refused to roll over etc. Altogether I was very mean and nasty. And I am so happy, though quite unable to give marital advice other than “get out sooner than later”. In fact it all went tits up at the Easter before GCSEs and A levels but the dc still did ok.

Tbh though this thread has quite upset me, and taken me back to those dark days of being considered utterly worthless/useless. If you feel your spouse deserves nothing, for goodness sake divorce them rather than screw them over on your death.

No your spouse has first dibs on your estate, but you can carve some off for kids. Setting up a trust might give you more control.

See a solicitor. I assume you don’t want to leave him penniless...

Actually the idea that a man would leave his estate to his 2nd wife and not to children from his first marriage crops up fairly often on here. And is not looked upon favourably.

Nowhere does the OP say this is a second marriage, and she talks about "their" DDs.

My Grandma did this. The house was in my Grandad's name anyway, so no qualms there, but she left him no money.

@Molecule I totally agree this is disgusting behaviour by OP, why remain married? Probably because she knows he will be entitled to assets on divorce. Poor guy.

Gosh. By your reckoning op I would be worth very little.
Fortunately I'm married to a lovely man who values me for more than just income.

When you get married you don't always know if you can or can't have dc. Presumably you love your dp so much that its a risk worth taking.
At what point do your dc become the only reason for your marriage?

I love my dc but I love my dh too.
My dc are adults. I live with dh, not them.
How sad that a partner just become the means to have a child.

When my mum died her will stated her partner continues to live in the property but it's held in a trust by us five children. He's classed as a vulnerable person (once paid £700 for a stranger who knocked to point his chimney). We can't remove him (and wouldn't want to) and the money from her estate was invested for him and if he wants to make major purchases ie car then he has to ask me and my older sister. It's done like this as he's such a nice person but if someone befriended him he would hand over money without any thought.

So are all of you who think it’s such a terrible thing happy for your child/ren to inherit nothing?

My DH will be taken care of. He will have a home and a comfortable pension. All I am doing is ensuring the house and a few other bits go to my children rather than being eaten up in care home fees, sent to a nigerian prince when dementia sets in, left to a subsequent wife in entirety, or simply just spent.

@category12

You'll need to make sure he's looked after, otherwise it won't hold up if he challenges it.

As I understand it from my own limited experience this is correct. You need to make some vaguely reasonable provision and also state the rationale.

I assuming you are "in too deep" and don't want to contemplate divorce. I would strongly advise you to take time to look at your options when reviewing the will situation as it sounds like a bad marriage

I do not think this thread is awful.
I think all the posters in nice marriages judging you are fucking awful.
Much like going NC with a parent, No one does things like this likely. No one wakes up anf thinks how can i disinherit someone i love! No one WANTS to be in a shit house position like this...

This thread has upset me a bit as it could easily be my (lovely lovely) mother writing about my father 15 years ago. She did everything she could to hold it together. As it was she ultimately had to divorce him as his behaviour to my siblings escalated dramatically in their teens. I was out by then thank fuck...
He walked away with >60% having contributed close to nothing and already having pissed away huge amounts of family money. 15 years later he is now dead and my siblings and i are still somehow?! dealing with his financial fuck ups legacy.

So are all of you who think it’s such a terrible thing happy for your child/ren to inherit nothing?

My DH will be taken care of. He will have a home and a comfortable pension. All I am doing is ensuring the house and a few other bits go to my children rather than being eaten up in care home fees, sent to a nigerian prince when dementia sets in, left to a subsequent wife in entirety, or simply just spent.

Nowhere does the OP say that she has taken care of her DH, she says she wants everything to go to their DDs with no mention of him, other than to say she wants to disinherit him. To me it sounds as though she got married to have children, and once he had done his job he is surplus to requirements!! Presumably he has contributed something to the household expenses over the years? Incidentally, plenty of children inherit little or nothing from their parents, not everyone is rich, and I also take a dim view of people who try to avoid paying care home fees.

@PaterPower

• I know someone who’d put all his assets in his wife’s name; it’s a slightly different situation from yours because he was the sole earner but was trying to minimise his tax exposure, so the house and bank accounts were in her name.

He didn’t know it, but she’d written her will so that all of it went to the DC. He was completely screwed over when she died. One of his kids wanted to let him live on in the family home, but the others insisted on “their” cash and forced the sale. He has nothing to his name, after a full working life, except his state pension.

The dodgy (or maybe not, I don’t know) tax affairs aside, it’s a deeply unfair and pretty miserable situation he’s in as a result.*

This sounds awful.

I'm not from a wealthy family and whenever I hear about families squabbling over money when someone dies I am relieved that that's never going to be us!

This story is very sad, but also feels like that's the way people are going to behave when they've been brought up by someone with nefarious financial practices.

Perhaps that dad reaped what he showed with those kids.

As for OP completely disinheriting her husband. Imagine if the sexes were reversed. Everyone would be outraged.

BUT i can't imagine being from the kind of family that would do over an elderly relative do depend on the kids to i imagine

Yes. You put it in trust to your children. Your husband still gets to live in your home but cannot sell it. So you are still providing a home but it will ensure that it doesn't get sold (should he meet someone else and marry them).
You are ultimately potentially protecting your child's inheritance from a woman you have never met.
I sorted this last year with a solicitor and its quite common that children get left without because it hasn't been sorted properly.

As pps have said, you need to discuss it with your husband so he is fully aware what will happen.

Imagine if a man wrote this post....

No you cannot do this - study previous cases like that of Nigel Havers (actor) and his second wife's death etc.

Wow there’s some serious over reactions and incorrect advice on this thread!

It’s perfectly normal to leave nothing but a life interest in a house to a spouse and pass everything on to children, especially if you’re over the IHT threshold and it’s likely you’ll die within seven years of each other or if you’ve always kept your finances separate and the remaining spouse has means to keep themselves.

OP you need to speak to a solicitor, especially around whether you give a life interest in the property and if he remarries whether that would break the life interest. You should obviously make sure your DH is aware of what’s in your will and if your children are under 18 you’ll need two people to act as their trustees. As you’re disinheriting your DH I wouldn’t put him as executor, it’s a lot of work if he’s not getting anything out of it.

@TheRebelle

Wow there’s some serious over reactions and incorrect advice on this thread!

It’s perfectly normal to leave nothing but a life interest in a house to a spouse and pass everything on to children, especially if you’re over the IHT threshold and it’s likely you’ll die within seven years of each other or if you’ve always kept your finances separate and the remaining spouse has means to keep themselves.

OP you need to speak to a solicitor, especially around whether you give a life interest in the property and if he remarries whether that would break the life interest. You should obviously make sure your DH is aware of what’s in your will and if your children are under 18 you’ll need two people to act as their trustees. As you’re disinheriting your DH I wouldn’t put him as executor, it’s a lot of work if he’s not getting anything out of it.

The situation in your post is very different to the OPs in terms of motivations. She doesn't want to do this to avoid tax or care costs. She wants to do it because she doesn't trust her husband and thinks he should get nothing because of that.

If you do tenants in common you can leave your half to the children. I dont think there is a way to completely side track your DH because you are married although I understand why you want to.

I don’t want to hijack this thread (assuming OP actually comes back to it) but as some PP have talked about second relationships etc, what would you think was fair in a situation where you have DC of your own and then SDC via a partner?

Assuming we both live another 30-40 years (with luck) AND stay together (may or may not get married but let’s assume not), is it fair that the collective DC all get an equal share?

What if one of you earns substantially more than the other - is it equitable that all the DC and SDC get the same? Or should it be weighted in some way towards the kids of the higher earner?

Just asking from interest as this thread’s made me consider how we plan. I wouldn’t want to leave my DP hard up (and vice versa) if I died first, but if there was 10-20 years left for them then a lot could happen and conceivably my DC might not get anything.

Just for context, my relationship with DP is already longer than my marriage was and, I’d hope, will have been substantially longer by the time one of us dies

@bluebluezoo

So are all of you who think it’s such a terrible thing happy for your child/ren to inherit nothing?

My DH will be taken care of. He will have a home and a comfortable pension. All I am doing is ensuring the house and a few other bits go to my children rather than being eaten up in care home fees, sent to a nigerian prince when dementia sets in, left to a subsequent wife in entirety, or simply just spent.

My kids will get our money when both of us die.

On top of what we've already given them over the years.

@Ibizafun

Belinda554 When you say all the money in a marital pot is joint, what about for the example in a second marriage, no children together and only one person has created that pot? Still equal?

To me when you get married you go all in. On another thread the woman didn't want her step DC inheriting from her. In my family when you marry someone you take on their children, and join everything. Not everyone thinks like this but in my upbringing marriage means "all that I am I give to you, all that I have I share with you". Our stuff isn't half mine and half his, it is all ours. We make the decisions together about how the family is run for the benefit of everyone in it. It is a series of decisions we make together, we don't make half the decisions each. We might make separate provision for the children when one adult dies if it proves wise down the line. We are at the point when the adult needs the money as the children are young, currently.

@Anothernick

It’s not that uncommon now. Lots do it due to inheritance issues, and IGT etc.

Family members have done this, one parent dies their half goes to the children, with the surviving member responsible for upkeep and lives in the property. On their death their half goes to the kids

Get legal advice FFS! So you just avoided dealing with this significant issue properly during your marriage but are preparing to land your children in the emotional shit by disinheriting their father after you’ve gone. Can you imagine what that could do to them and the dynamic of their relationship with their father?

Staying with a feckless man was your decision, not theirs.

@PussInBin20

Surely it would just be your half of all assets/property that you accumulated regardless of whose name it is in. My understanding is anything accrued during the marriage is jointly owned regardless of whose name is put to it so you can will your half but the other half is your husbands anyway. He may not have contributed directly to savings/property/assets but he would have contributed in other ways, just as a SAHM does. I may be wrong but that’s what I thought.

No those assets are only considered joint during a divorce. Assets that are in both names are owned jointly, assets in individual names can be disposed of, sold, reinvested, given away, willed by the DH/DW whose name they're in. In the event of death of one spouse supported the other than that could be taken into account, and a will that is grossly unfair to your spouse can certainly be challenged, but the only assets that are jointly owned will pass automatically to the spouse. Other assets will be distributed as per the will, unless theirs no will or the will is challenged. If you own a house as tenants in common then your spouse can even will away their percentage share of the house. Assets that accumulate during marriage being considered joint no matter whose name they're in only applies in cases of divorce, not death.