*TW - Reported the guy who assaulted me to Tinder..

[melononapear]

Recently signed up to tinder, mainly because it's the easiest one! Only been on there a day and very basic profile as I'm just browsing at the moment.

My rapist came up on there. Makes sense really as I met him on there, but it was over a year ago and I blocked him straight after the incident. I've reported him to tinder but have never said anything to anyone else. To be honest I'm too ashamed and didn't think anything would happen if I did. I've been raped before and the case didn't even go to court due to lack of evidence.

I'm shaking and feel sick now. I'd actually forgotten what he looked like in the face and now it's all come rushing back. Feel like I want to get out of the house and run. Why is this happening now so long after?! Did I do the right thing? Tinder sent me a link to support services but now I'm totally second guessing myself and whether I should have said anything. I just don't want him to do it to anyone else.

You definitely did the right thing, well done OP. I wonder if Tinder have any duty to report this kind of thing to other apps so they can remove him too, or stop him joining. If not, it would be a good step.

I wonder that too. It would be great if they could, to warn others about him but I have a feeling they probably can't as it could be just a malicious allegation. I don't even know if tinder will block/remove him but I hope they will.

Wow OP, this happened to me on Bumble, I was so shocked by my rapists face I actually matched with him, called him out for raping me and reported it to Bumble. Bumble then messaged me saying well done for being brave and that they've blocked him from ever using the platform again.
I then panicked thinking he was going to hunt me down or something 🙈. I just warred the fucker to not be able to do it to anyone else.
What has tinder said?

Thanks for looking out for other women. Absolutely the right thing to do.

Good on you.

I saw someone similar on tinder a few months back (vouerism and similar acts) and blocked him. It was not a result of tinder and he has not been convicted yet and so I didnt think they would be interested. But really wishing I had reported it now.

It's terrifying how many creeps and criminals you come accross on there. Makes you think about the percentage of them in the population.

Hopefully they will remove him from the app.

I wish they introduced a function to tinder where people could comment to say if the dater had been safe and respectful.

Op you definitely did the right thing. I have a thread on here about being assaulted on a tinder date. I just deleted tinder afterwards, and tried to forget it all.

My friends abusive ex is on Bumble because another friend found him. Makes me so mad because he’s probably telling women on there about his ‘crazy ex’ who he was in fact a bastard to

Well done OP, you did the right thing. It's up to Tinder what they do with the info - that's now out of your hands. You've done as much as you could.

Have you got some support around you? Does anyone IRL know what happened, could you reach out to them for a chat? You're bound to feel shaken seeing the horrible bastard's face unexpectedly. Please be very kind to yourself right now - lots of and

Well done.

Fucking public service!!!! You did a brave thing.

💞💞💞💞

@Blueeyedgirl21 I think I read your thread, I did the exact same thing after it happened. Just deleted the app and decided to put it behind me and pretend it didn't happen but obviously I could only do that for so long before it really started to affect me. It still does to this day but I don't really know what to do about it. I can't afford therapy!

It was a big shock seeing him again. I knew instantly that it was him even though I couldn't really picture his face before. He'd even used the same pictures he had last time. In one of them he's with his daughter 😡 I hope his daughter never has to go through what he did to me. He's a fucking disgusting piece of shit and he KNOWS that what he did was fucked up as he said when I was leaving 'but you were ok with everything, yeah?!'. Because he knew I wasn't and it wasn't ok what he did. Decent men who are sure they have consent don't need to ask.

YANBU

I'm sorry that you went through that. It must have been a shock to see his face. Well done for reporting him. I saw my utter slimeball ex on bumble last week. I felt so sick 🤮

Hi OP. I'm sorry that you've been through this. Regarding counselling, you could speak to a GP and ask about going on the NHS waiting list for this. Also, contact Rape Crisis and ask them for help and advice. Where I live I know of two charities that do free counselling so look into that too x

That's horrendous Op, so sorry you've been through this and yes you definitely did the right thing by reporting it.

What will Tinder do now with this information? How will they protect others?

He just came up again!

I reported him again. I was much more specific this time. I will keep reporting him every time I see him if necessary. He could be making new profiles each time, idk, but I will not let it go.

I just really want to never see this face on there ever again and I don't want him to do it to anyone else.

He is a fucking disgusting rapist 😡

What will Tinder do now with this information? How will they protect others?

There's not much they can do. Ideally they should pass the information on to the relevant authorities - in the UK that would be the police. However all the police can do is log the information.

Sadly I don't know what tinder can do, because you haven't reported it to the police and he hasn't been convicted they are on dodgy ground if they remove his details- which I know is appalling. But he hasn't been convicted of anything which is the problem. Also, I totally understand why you didn't report it- convictions for rape cases are disgustingly low. I also get that you want to warn other women. Absolutely feel for you and going back to tinder just shows how strong you are. X

I do realise that there isn't really anything they can do, especially since in was over a year ago and hasn't been reported to the police. I can't report it to them as I know it won't go anywhere and I have no evidence so it'll just traumatise me all over again for no reason.

I just can't not report it to tinder when I see him, it's all I can do!

If you report it to the police, and another woman reports him, and another ... then there's a pattern the police can see. If no one reports ever, he keeps getting away with it. Historical reports will be logged and will help if there's someone else with a current report.
I know it's hard but if you can think of it as helping his other targets, it's a good thing to do.

I wonder why tinder give the option to report if they dont do anything with the information?
I reported someone on there, he didnt rape me but he said disgusting scary things to me and I pandered until I could get away the next morning and then blocked.
He admitted he's got a problem with women so I dont know why he would be out there inflicting himself on others, I really believe he could hurt someone else worse than he did me and I hate not being able to do anything about it.
Im sorry you went through that op, I'm sorry there are so many fucked up dangerous men out there.

At least go to the police and log something. For the sake of other women. Telling Tinder isn’t the same, you could be any malicious ex. It doesn’t matter if it was a year ago, give all the details of the day of the evening that you can remember and if any other women come forward you would be helping them. You may even find that he has previous victims and can get good advice.

I don’t think tinder can really be expected to do anything if you never reported him or he was not convicted, I would have just blocked him personally. It’s not nice but even if he was convicted he is still free to date he’s not going to stay single forever. I’m sure he will just tell women he was wrongly accused and sadly a lot will believe him 😔

Women don't have to go to the police. They are not responsible for a rapists past or future actions. Giving a statement to the police involves having to tell the story in great detail and can be re traumatising. Stop pressuring OP to go to the police. It's her choice. She can say no and that's the end of it.

No one is saying she has to, just that tinder isn’t really able to do anything. Just block him then you won’t see him again.

Two people have told her to go to the police.
One explicitly states 'to protect other women', thats not ops responsibility and its really poor form to put that on a victim or pressure her.
She can report him to tinder and then block him.
Its not either or. Thats what I did.
And we dont actually know what tinder will do, probably nothing but they do have a report function so maybe it works the same as with the police in that if someone else reports him on tinder they will be able to remove him.
If they dont act on reports why bother letting people report?