Stop dating because of snoring?

[WhatTheActualFreshHell]

I've been seeing a man I met through online dating since Nov. We've met (for socially distanced walks) about 12 times, talk every day and we get on well but he's just told me he's a terrible snorer.

He was telling me about how he'd tried nearly everything - sprays, strips, etc but he snores and that's that. He won't consider a cpap machine. He's not overweight. No health issues.

We're both 50 and I'm looking for my last partner. Someone to grow old with, wake up with, cuddle etc. I'm also a light sleeper who can't bear ear plugs.

It's doomed isn't it?

I shouldn't even sleep with him should I knowing that this snoring issue will eventually be a deal breaker?

I know this probably sounds a bit stupid considering we haven't even kissed yet but I now think what's the point as I know if the relationship does progress, I'll end up driven mad by this problem.

OP my exh was a snorer, it broke me. It is a 100% deal breaker for me now.

Best to rip off the plaster sooner than later and ltb. Sorry.

That what I'm thinking.

Thanks for replying.

I've seen threads on here about snorers and how it's affected relationships to breaking point.

Damn it.

I wouldn't bin him off but prepare for sleeping in separate bedrooms.

The only other option is for separate bedrooms, if you absolutely must push forward with this relationship.
My DH snores. He is overweight and drinks every night, but he won’t do an7about those things to reduce it. I’m at the end of my tether. I fantasise about a one bedroom cottage for me.

The only problem with separate rooms is it isn't what I want.

I've been alone and not dated for 12 years due to a messy divorce and my son getting leukaemia. I want that falling asleep together/waking up together I've dreamt about.

Silly at my age I know but having to go to another bedroom just doesn't fill me with joy.

A shame he won't consider a cpap machine.
My exH and his brother (my BiL) were horrendous snorers. My BiL got the machine - his marriage survived.
My marriage didn't.

Yes, it is, but he's adamant it's not an option. Tbh, I wouldn't fancy sleeping in one so I can understand it really.

He doesn't even drink so that's not a cause either. He reckons it's just one of those things. His father is apparently known for his snoring!

Separate rooms. We still have intimacy. We still go to bed at the same time and have a cuddle. One of us will slip into the other’s room in the morning and do the same. We do lots of nice things together - we’re really into cycling and walking, we do a lot of nerdy things like looking at maps, planning days out etc.

The snorer is me, by the way. The menopause can start snoring in women - it can change your voice box and there isn’t anything I can do. If any of my partners thought like you I’d be alone forever.

If he is going to make you happy in every other way, then get around it.

So this guy has confessed to snoring early on in the relationship. What are you going to do about future partners, at what point are you going to ask them about snoring ?
It seems a shame to drop this guy if he’s perfect in every other way.

He doesn't even drink so that's not a cause either. He reckons it's just one of those things. His father is apparently known for his snoring!

I have to say that I agree it just happens in some cases. My dad snores. I snore. I don't smoke or drink, and although I'm overweight now, I also snored when I was slim. I don't famcy sleeping with a cpap. It's not really bad in my case, most people can sleep through it (in the hospital or when sleeping over at my niece) but DH is a light sleeper so we sleep separately. We're fine with that but fair enough if it isn't what you want in your relationship.

To be honest DinosaurDiana, as I exclusively date via online apps, I'll probably put it in my profile!
NO SNORERS - AND NO I'M NOT JOKING!

I'm a prolific snorer for reasons unknown. I appreciate it is dreadful for others but there are few things more fucking irritating than someone being arsey with you for snoring when you were a)unaware you were snoring and b) cannot do anything about it. If you can't tolerate a snorer, I don't blame you at all, but end it now so you don't have snore wars forever. The embarrassment of being snore shamed is horrible, so walk away and save you both the drama.

Also you'll still hear him even in a separate room! I dated a bloke who was a horrific snorer and he'd seen an ENT consultant and the only treatment left was to break his jaw and have surgery x he was so desperate he was willing to do that! X

@WhatTheActualFreshHell

To be honest DinosaurDiana, as I exclusively date via online apps, I'll probably put it in my profile! NO SNORERS - AND NO I'M NOT JOKING!

Greta idea !

Or even ‘great idea !’

And yes, FascinationEnds, I know I WILL get arsey and that's going to build resentment. He was horribly embarrassed even telling me about it.

He could see my horrified trying to be jokey reaction and hastily said "well, let's not run before we can walk" but in my mind, going any further just looks like trouble and annoyance for both of us.

If it's not something you can live with then it's fine to end it. You can end a relationship for any reason at anytime.

*can't

Do not get further invested in this relationship. You're not compatible. You want what he cannot give and he has made it clear he's unwilling to do anything to sort it and may not be able to, anyhow. Don't waste anymore of your time. Move on. It's early days this is the time to end it.

It's doomed op. Move on. He also needs to find someone suitable for him especially if he's not prepared to seek treatment.

There are some minimally invasive surgeries that help reduce snoring - and they don’t require breaking of jaws.
I think the ‘I have tried everything but it didn’t work’ isn’t really a fair statement here.
I know a few snorers who just don’t care enough about their partners to try to fix their issues - as it doesn’t affect them.

OP - in your place, I’d be open with him about your reservations.
But I’d also ask him why he didn’t consider a minor surgery that can fix his issues a s make his partner’s life much more restful?
Has he considered removing his tonsils/adenoids; or doing somnoplasty (reduction of soft tissue in the back of the throat); or doing a palate surgery (removing certain tissues of the soft palate that may be obstructing breathing)

This has nothing to do with shaming snorers. But it is about respect and consideration for the partners they are with.

I know you're all right.

I just needed someone to tell me I'm not being totally stupid for thinking this way when we've not even touched!

But yep, it's not to be.

Don’t most people snore? Especially men after they have had a drink.

Does he drink in the evenings?

He doesn't drink. Neither do I. I used to and could sleep through anything then but I've been teetotal for 8 years now and plan to stay that way.

You're over-thinking this, What. He's been clear - he's a heavy snorer and that's who he is, he is saying take me as I come. This is NOT your problem. Do not make it yours with all this suggesting treatments and what not. You've not even kissed him! Only met him a few times and he's already told you what's what. He's done you a favour. Move on.

A simple it's been fun getting to know you but really think we're incompatible long-term so I think it's time to move on. Best of luck. will do.