Stop dating because of snoring?

[WhatTheActualFreshHell]

I've been seeing a man I met through online dating since Nov. We've met (for socially distanced walks) about 12 times, talk every day and we get on well but he's just told me he's a terrible snorer.

He was telling me about how he'd tried nearly everything - sprays, strips, etc but he snores and that's that. He won't consider a cpap machine. He's not overweight. No health issues.

We're both 50 and I'm looking for my last partner. Someone to grow old with, wake up with, cuddle etc. I'm also a light sleeper who can't bear ear plugs.

It's doomed isn't it?

I shouldn't even sleep with him should I knowing that this snoring issue will eventually be a deal breaker?

I know this probably sounds a bit stupid considering we haven't even kissed yet but I now think what's the point as I know if the relationship does progress, I'll end up driven mad by this problem.

Separate bedrooms at home is all very well and good, but what about when you go on holiday together ... or away for romantic weekends?
Sorry you're in this predicament, OP. On paper, it seems like a ridiculous reason to end a promising relationship. But I can totally understand that the reality is different!

@bloodyhairy

Separate bedrooms at home is all very well and good, but what about when you go on holiday together ... or away for romantic weekends? Sorry you're in this predicament, OP. On paper, it seems like a ridiculous reason to end a promising relationship. But I can totally understand that the reality is different!

There's no such thing as a ridiculous reason to end a new relationship like this. Just none. In fact, if more people did this instead of trying to fix something that's irreparable, there'd be a whole lot less misery in the world.

You're incompatible. So you move on.

Just to be clear, I wouldn't and haven't suggested treatments. I wouldn't do that as it sounds from what he told me, like his ex tried everything and he complied but nothing worked.

Like everyone has said, it's early days and best I get out now.

I spent nearly 20 years with snorers and it is crap. It's so nice to be with someone now who doesn't snore.

I don't think I would have not pursued a relationship with someone who snores though. I'd just sleep in separate rooms.

I think you’ll be hard pushed to find many men of that age who don’t snore!

I’m in a similar position having met someone I like aged 50 and he’s a bad snorer too. I also thought I really didn’t want to date a snorer.

I looked into solutions and invested in some Bose sleepbuds - they are designed to be comfortable and I also use them if eg there is street noise or while I’m working to concentrate as they play noise masking sounds and you can set an alarm. They’ve helped massively.

I really do know what you mean about thinking it’s a deal breaker and it’s early days for us too but so far these did make a massive difference (and we managed a 5 day trip away using them and I slept really well!).

Don't suck this up just because 'that's men'. Nah, you're spot on. Get out now.

I couldn't be with a snorer again

Sorry I hadn’t read the bit about him not being prepared to seek treatment for it. That is bloody annoying and indicative of a general attitude that would drive me mad.

Has he tried nose strips and sprays?

Yep

I was a terrible snorer, it improved after I had my tonsils out (unrelated) but the people describing it as a minor procedure are way off the mark.
In adults it's excruciating.
I was on morphine!
Now I snore only if I put on too much weight or drink a lot.

Oh, and I felt utterly helpless and devastated as my partner admonished me for something I couldn't control.
I ask my current partner daily whether I snored. That's how paranoid I am.
It's my first waking thought.

If you finish it, don't tell him why

@rawalpindithelabrador

What I was trying to say was that although it seems like a trivial reason to end a relationship, it's really not, and it would be understandable to do so. Maybe I didn't express that clearly, but your overreaction to an innocent and well-intentioned comment is a bit

Snoring was one of the factors that ended one of my relationships -- well, he was also a bit of a dick His father was a really bad snorer too so not sure if it maybe just ran in the family, but I could hear him from another room or another floor of the house and it was constant. Apparently it used to drive his siblings mad when he lived at home. Going on holiday was next to impossible. He was only in his mid-twenties at the time and didn't drink more than a handful of times a year and was in decent shape, and he did try all the remedies like nasal strips and sprays and went to the doctor about it but was apparently told he would have to pay privately for the surgery (I think they told him he had nasal polyps?) and at the time we couldn't afford it.

My current partner snores lightly for approximately two minutes a night and the difference is unreal. It is not at all silly to want to fall asleep and wake up with someone OP, it's a lovely sort of closeness which I wasn't really able to experience with my ex. Plus I'm not constantly sleep-deprived or worried about not getting sleep which always does wonders for a positive relationship! It's a shame if you get on well with the guy but your concerns are so so valid

Snoring is very irritating thing.

He should get a bespoke specially made mouth guard (this alters the position of the jaw and keeps the airway open, thereby lessening the 'flapping sail' effect of the soft palate that causes the noise) and wear it before sleeping, that usually reduces the volume. In our case, if she still can't sleep I get an elbow dig in the ribs and trot off to the guest room so that we can both sleep soundly, returning early in the morning. I have to accept that she makes it a kind of running joke but that's life!

I mean I go to the guest room not her LOL