Bf prefers the bodies of slim women

[silverspoons]

Yet we are together and our relationship of six months is progressing really
Well., I am two stone overweight and He has never given me
Reason to think that he is not attracted to my body but encourages me when I tell him that I need to slim a little
For my health.
I'm trying to make sense of it . He has never specifically said he prefers slim women but I know from general chit chat that the women he thinks are attractive are all slim, his previous partners have all been slim so I just wonder about it all. Male viewpoints welcome here too!
I am confident in my body, feel attractive , in fact I would say that I don't feel overweight if that makes sense. I probably feel a lot slimmer than I actually am! It's only In photos that I see my body is overweight .
He says that he loves how body
Confident I am and know what I
Like and am not shy about expressing myself .
I don't diet, I'm middle aged and walk a bit but to me life is too short to skip dessert !
The only reason I would like to slim down
Is a family history of weight related illnesses in later years so am trying to eat less and use lockdown to walk , more so for
My mental health.
I'm not Sure what I'm asking really. Perhaps I'm Worried that if and when we get closer/ more attached that it will become an issue .
For Context he told his best friend , when telling him How he felt he was so happy and had fallen for me
that I was completely different in every way to all his previous partners and not his usual Type . He didn't elaborate and I didn't take the opportunity to ask.
Am I worried about nothing. Is this a non issue?

You’ve answered your own question. Non issue.

In reality I think 99% of people prefer slim people. I’m not saying skinny. Slim. Healthy. But that doesn’t stop us finding people attractive that are skinny, that are overweight. Being attracted to someone is about way more than their dress size.

You sound happy and confident. Let it go.

Even if he prefers slim women, that doesn’t mean he isn’t still attracted to you. Plenty of people can prefer dark haired partners but end up with a blond. Attraction is about much more than just a specific characteristic.

I do think the majority of people prefer slim or healthy weight physiques in others though, and a couple stone overweight at my height would be very almost obese, so although you say you know you’re overweight you sound a bit almost in denial about it, how you don’t see yourself as overweight until you see pictures etc. You’re on the right track wanting to lose weight, maybe it’ll put your mind at ease anyway if you’re planning on losing weight as soon you’ll be a slimmer person so won’t worry as much about your boyfriend’s preferences.

Thanks. That's the jolt
I need as you are right, I am
In denial about it and there is a strong history of diabetes/ heart disease in my family. I think that because my face is slim and photos that I look at are only
Usually my face , I get quite a shock when I see my Body . I am 5'7" and a proportioned size 14 but I know that my middle area is in need of serious fat reduction .
Maybe when I am slimmer, I won't overthink this issue with my
Bf to so it's a positive also.

You’re welcome! Don’t overthink the weight loss either, decide on a calorie goal which leaves you in a deficit, track every single thing you eat and drink in an app like MyFitnessPal and the weight will fall off. I just lost 28lb doing that and it was a breeze. And drink lots of water! Good luck :)

Too much weight around the middle is a strong risk factor for diabetes so you are sensible to want to make some changes.

Thanks for health advice also.
Well done on your weight loss . You make it sound so easy. I will
Download mfp and find out what I need to set my calories at. All new to me but lockdown is a great reason to do this .

He's just being encouraging and on your side.

It's a bit of a trap really - if he says not to he's sabotaging or unsupportive but if he says yeah great you think he thinks you're fat.

@silverspoons

Thanks. That's the jolt I need as you are right, I am In denial about it and there is a strong history of diabetes/ heart disease in my family. I think that because my face is slim and photos that I look at are only Usually my face , I get quite a shock when I see my Body . I am 5'7" and a proportioned size 14 but I know that my middle area is in need of serious fat reduction . Maybe when I am slimmer, I won't overthink this issue with my Bf to so it's a positive also.

This size is not unreasonable for someone 5 foot 7 !

Yes it's not unreasonable but it's still two stone overweight and I carry it around my middle area . I know I would feel better. Wine is my downfall .

Decide for yourself whether or not you want a healthier lifestyle, and then take control of it - either way.

Big contradiction in this sentence:
to me life is too short to skip dessert ! The only reason I would like to slim down Is a family history of weight related illnesses in later years

How short do you want your life to be? You don't always have to skip desert or become a diet-obsessed ball of miserable eating - eat a healthy diet within your daily needs, don't eat unhealthy snacks snacks mindlessly and for the sake of it but enjoy treat foods in moderate portions at a sensible frequency, up your exercise. We all need to think about this in middle age, because our calorie needs start to fall, more of our muscle can get replaced with fat etc etc.

It's great that you are body confident and feel great - but make a decision about what YOU want, rather than worrying about your Bf thinks.

OP - I am not unsympathetic - I was 2 stone overweight at the beginning of the first lockdown.

I decided that it couldn't go on, and that as weight had an impact on risk wrt COVID, getting fitter was something that I could do for myself.

I have been losing half a Kg a week. Just by eating 3 healthy meals a day and cutting out snacking. I didn't 'go on a diet', I have continued to have a few treat foods a week, I still drink modestly. I must cut down the amount of carbs I ate with meals (smaller portions of pasta, rice etc) stopped eating biscuits in the day (except one, from time to time), upped the portions of veg and tried to replace as much fried food with grilled, baked or boiled as possible.

Just adjustments towards feeling healthier. And honestly, I couldn't feel better. It has made so much difference to my energy, fitness, sleep.

Sizes are meaningless @MrsWindass. I’m a 5ft 9 10st 2lb lady and I can fit into the occasional size six at supermarkets yet barely cram myself into a size fourteen in places like H&M. Size isn’t relevant, OP has already said she is two stone overweight. That’s a concrete thing.

Thanks and well done . It's almost like a conflict within me . I like how I look( denial or skewed image)! and feel good in myself , I know that health issues await me of I don't sort it out, my bf is a fabulous man and has never passed a negative comment but I know deep down that he prefers slimmer women so I don't want my confidence to take a knock by overthinking or being irrational in the future , when our relationship exists the honeymoon phase! That way, I am healthier going into later middle age , continue to feel body confident and not worry about the ' what ifs' with him.

Noimagination writes (In reality I think 99% of people prefer slim people. I’m not saying skinny.)
Clearly no imagination being exercised there. What an utterly poor sweeping statement that is.
Personally as a man a bag of bones skinny or even slim person does nothing for me. No disrespect as people are what they are but to say 99% of people prefer slim people is really not the case. People come in all shapes and sizes there is no one size fits all. Women are historically always depicted in paintings with more of a covered frame unlike the constant drip feed of slim skinny images that's fed in magazines and all across the media. No wonder we have so many young girls & women with eating disorders when people band about that 99% people prefer slim.

I would say it's a non-issue. He wouldn't be with you if he wasn't attracted to you, and I would say that body confidence is a huge bonus for men regardless of your size.

Also, just because someone fancies slim people doesn't mean they can't be attracted to anyone else. I fancy lots of slim famous people, and all my previous partners have been slim, yet my dh is overweight (and has been since I first met him). And I've seen some photos of his ex's and they are all varying heights and sizes as well.

If you haven't suddenly put extra weight on since the start of the relationship, this should be a non-issue.

If you choose to attempt to lose weight, do it for yourself and the right reasons.

"This size is not unreasonable for someone 5 foot 7 !"

Why would you discourage someone from losing weight when they have diabetes in the family?

If people are purely going on body types/weight then yes, the vast majority of people would probably choose a slim body for a partner.

But we don't. We also go off personality, shared interests, values.

He clearly fancies you otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Don't let your hang ups about your weight impact your relationship.

@TheOtherBoelynGirl

"This size is not unreasonable for someone 5 foot 7 !"

Why would you discourage someone from losing weight when they have diabetes in the family?

Maybe hit a bit close to home.

I've always struggled with my weight. DH hasn't, he's there with me through it all, losing weight, falling pregnant, putting it back on again. He may (probably does) find me more physically attractive when I manage to loose weight but he still loves me when I don't. I do however think a lot of it is how I feel, I'm much more confident when I'm slimmer. If DP doesn't see an issue then there isn't one. Losing weight for your health is a separate matter.

From what he said to his friend he's delighted he's found you, and just wants you healthy so you can have many happy years together!
My mum died from diabetes complications (in the long term it damages heart and kidneys) so it is definitely worth getting fitter and healthier. You can do so much more as well with your life too.

I also think you shouldn't overthink it.

Out of interest, what weight are you? Just asking as I am also trying to lose 2 or 3 stone and I am a similar height (I'm 5 ft 8). I carry a lot of it on my rear though

I really think its a non issue, or you should try and make it a non issue.
Fact is, you dont owe him to be his fantasy body and he doesnt owe it to you to be yours. You both decide if you are into each other as people, and fancy each other enough to maintain interest and passion.
My partner always said he liked slim women, but hes liked me no matter how big or small ive got and thats been made pretty obvious. Maybe because im generally confident to be naked with him and quite uninhibited and vice versa I think that goes a long way.

Are you actually 2 stone above a healthy BMI or are you two stone heavier than you want to be?

I'm 13 stone right now . I'm broad / hourglass figure so it's distributed equally . I need to drop two of those stones to be at the upper end of ' normal' limits . My face though gets very scrawny and drawn and aged at that weight but it is within the correct parameters .