I need a handhold told DH to leave

[Rosiedo]

Just as the title said. I have suspected DH to be cheating he kept denying it. I checked his phone to see if I could get evidence, but couldn’t find anything. He is always on WhatsApp but I can’t get into it as it has fingerprint security.

This morning, when he went to work, I happened to check his search history on his tablet and found him searching for ways to clear your call log on your smartphone (it isn’t that hard)?????? How to hide your call and message history for specific phone numbers etc.

That was all the evidence I needed.

Of course he has denied it and is saying he did that because he knew I would go through his phone!!!!!! He what have you got to hide??

Even though this has happened, I’m heartbroken, i still love him. I gave him 36 years (married 31) of my life. I’m 50 in a couple of weeks and I cannot believe I’m in this position.

Well done.

Do you have children?

Nobody wants or needs this kind of 'partnership'.

That's a very long marriage, but I'm sorry to say he does not appear to love you anymore or he not be looking elsewhere you got him banged to rights, you have 2 options work through it together or go your separate ways, but you will probably feel the trust has gone if you stay, good luck

So sorry this is happening for you ❤️

So sorry you are going through this xx

What an idiot he's been.

It's ok to be broken hearted, and you need to let yourself to grieve for the marriage you thought you had.

So sorry you're going through this but hats off to you for your strength and courage

He has cheated on me before, and I forgave him but I almost destroyed myself. I can’t do that again.

Although that bit of doubt was always there, there was a large part of me that thought he would never do that to us again because he saw the damaged it did. He saw how bad my mental health was.

He is all I’ve ever known, I gave him everything and in the end it wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t good enough.

I saw his jumper lying at the side of the bed, and I picked it up, it smelled of him and I just cried. I keep looking at the chair where he usually sits and it just breaks my heart. My face is all sore and red from crying.

He left this morning, well I told him to go, he hasn’t tried to contact me which I am glad about, I need space, but he hasn’t even tried to contact the kids (15 and 24), they do know we have split up because I am serious there is no going back. I think he will be waiting on me contacting him but I won’t. I’m always the one doing the running even when we were teenagers I always did the running back whenever we had an argument, but I’m just done, I’m fed up fighting and it’s just not worth fighting for anymore

Sending hugs x

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's the worst knowing he's done it before and seen the devastation caused. What you're feeling is totally natural. I'm sure other posters will be along with some practical advice on you getting your ducks in a row with finances and your rights. For now; be kind to yourself. Try to eat something even if you don't feel like it to keep your energy. Rest when you can too. I remember the awful early days of discovering my EXH final affair. Calling on real life support and getting angry helped. You'll feel better. Not straight away but you will feel better soon. The feeling of looking over your shoulder all of the time is exhausting. Xxx

That's terrible. You've dealt with it really well. Stay strong now. Where does he say he's staying?

I don’t know where he is staying, he hasn’t contacted me, and I haven’t contacted him. Since my last post he has contacted the kids so that’s good.

He promised me he wasn’t seeing someone else, just yesterday he told me he loved me and he swore on his love for me, that there was no one else. I started to think it was just me being paranoid.

I’m lying in bed hoping to sleep but I keep looking at his side of the bed thinking 24 hours ago he was just there, cuddling me.

He was saying the other week how good it was the kids being grown up and us being able to do more things together when restrictions are lifted. Making plans to go back to New York. I just can’t believe it.

I had a feeling there was something going on with a work colleague, I do think it’s her, but I have no proof, he just knew too much about her personal life, and was talking about her all the time. And do you know what’s funny, if it is her, and they end up together, he won’t have all the free time he was talking about, she has a 4 year old and she is married too. She is 15 years younger than him.

I’m in a terrible state just now, I feel physically sick, I’m actually shaking. He was my world.

In a fit of anger, I ripped up all my wedding photos!

I'm so sorry @Rosiedo I hope you manage to get some rest tonight

I’ve had an hours sleep. I can’t stop crying.

It’s taking me all my strength not to post something on Facebook, as I doubt he will have told people the real reason we are splitting.

Im glad you managed to get a bit of sleep. Its probably for the best to not post onto Facebook right now.
If you need to let off some steam, would it be helpful to do it on here?

I hope today is a little better for you

Don’t post anything. You’ll regret it. Don’t send him anymore messages. Write what you want to say to him on here and wait for 24 hours. You’re in panic mode right now. He’s infatuated with a young woman. This is why no woman should forgive cheating. Ever. They always do it again even if it’s in 30 years time. It’s just happened to a friend of mine. She forgave when they were young and now she’s almost 50 he’s left her because he’s done it again. Be strong. She’s rebuilding. You can too.

I haven’t sent him any messages since he left yesterday morning except from today I sent a message to say we needed to talk so I knew what was happening with finances etc as I will need to claim benefits.

sorry you're going through this

I want to scream and shout and tell everyone what he has done but my family are saying don’t as that might make him angry and he will on,yo give me what he needs to.

We had so many plans for the coming years and all that has been taken away from me. I’m starting from scratch at 50 years old. I don’t have a job, I don’t know if I will still have the roof over my head, I’m gutted that the life I had and the life I thought I would have has been taken away from me.

Fuck knows what he has been telling her, I have messages from him saying he loves me, wants to be with me (this is before yesterday when I found out the truth for sure). We were still intimate on Sunday night for fucks sake.

He will be leading her up the garden path, and she will be leading her husband up the garden path and in between all this is my 2 kids and her kid who is only 5!!

Am so sorry you're hurting this is a horrible place to be and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
If he was wiping his call history as "he knows you go through his phone " that still doesn't explain why he felt the need to clear it? I think hes said that because you caught him off guard and it was the only thing he could think of. Clearly he didn't want you seeing a particular number.
When you're in this position you begin to doubt whats real and wonder are you wrong? You aren't though because something is certainly amiss. Im not saying hes having an affair but it sounds like he has been talking to someone and because of his past he knows you wouldn't be happy about it.
Please do everything you can however to keep your dignity as this is one thing that can help carry you through this.
Don't beg him for answers as its its highly unlikely you will get the truth. The truth will come out eventually of that you can be certain.
Concentrate on yourself through distraction. Keep yourself busy and once those thoughts about what hes doing start stop them immediately because they will only make you feel worse.
If he continues not to make contact with you then i think its safe to say hes hiding for a reason.
Hopefully you get some answers soon as its particularly cruel to have left you in this limbo wondering what's happening

He will learn he will reap what he sows,!! 2 family's lives turned upside down and heartache just so he can have his cake and eat it, / have his end away... his affair partner is not any more better,!! I say this from a man's pov,!!

Bettysnow I don’t go through his phone, but until a couple of weeks ago when I was certain something was wrong.

I also found out he had been thinking of moving abroad. He had been checking it all out on the internet and been looking up divorce lawyers, how much money I would get as a single parent, how much our house was worth. The only thing he has admitted was when he was working away, he wasn’t going to come back!!!!! He was basically going to abandon us. I can’t believe he would do that. So now I’m not sure if there is something going on with that colleague or if it was someone else where he was working. There must be someone else because why look up how to hide your call logs and text messages to certain numbers?

I will never know, I will never get those answers. When I ask questions he gets angry, and then I get angry and it just escalates. He won’t talk, so I sent him txt messages yesterday morning and it ended up as quite a lot of messages telling him how I felt, and he didn’t like it, but I only do that because he won’t speak to me without getting angry, and I won’t send him an email as i don’t think he will read it.

I’m doubting myself, telling myself I’ve made a mistake, but my sister said to me if he really wanted to be with me, he would have done wverything he could be with me, but she reminded me he was going to just stay abroad and not come home, and that itself is unforgivable.

But I still love him so much, and I have never ever felt pain like this. I’m so sad. He was my life, he has been in my life since I was 14. I’m thinking of the most random things, like how will I do my garden, he loved the garden, how will I change the light bulbs above the stairs, he did all that.

I will never get closure for this, I will never get over this. My friends are trying to cheer me up saying I will get back out there after Covid and enjoy myself, I don’t think I will, I’m almost 50!!!

I don't think anyone can make you feel better at the moment. Of course you're going to feel like this.

There are many of us who ended up single at your age because of various circumstances and we all had to rewrite the life we thought we would have.

But actually, being 50 and starting again can be amazing. I'm 51 and ended up single a few years ago after 2 toxic marriages. Since then, I went back to study whilst starting my business, I have the kids split custody so have a great time with them when they're with me and when they're at their dad's, I work, catch up with friends, dated and am now in an amazing relationship too.

I had a super high bar because I was happy single and would rather be single than in a bad relationship. In fact, I'd rather be single unless it was a great relationship.

The good thing about being 50 and starting over is that you don't have to worry about having kids, the kids are older so you have more freedom. You can really think about what you love doing and get stuck into that - be it work or hobbies or studying. You no longer need to sacrifice yourself, your interests and your feelings.

And anything he used to do that you don't know how to do. Answers are easily found on youtube or you can outsource it or ask friends and family for help. No big deal. You ran a home and kids for many years - that is hard and takes skill. You ha e more skills than you realise.