If you knew you would be single and/or childless forever, what life would you build?

[annabellacomestotea]

Really curious, if you could see into a crystal ball and saw that relationships and/or motherhood were not on the table, what sort of life would you build for yourself?

I think I would be much more aware about building lasting friendships, I would secure my own place, I would potentially adopt a child, or at least foster/adopt animals, I would volunteer with animals, I would try out new hobbies, I would help out more with my friends children and my family members, I would travel a whole helluva lot more as well, and live in a few different places.

Really curious what others would do?

I would live in a big city abroad, somewhere where there's always lots on like exhibitions and shows and new things to explore. I would have good friends but realistically they wouldn't want to spend time with me more than once a month or less so I would want to live somewhere there was lots of things to do and I could go an be around other people if I'm not with those people iyswim.
I would also work in a sociable environment so at least M-F 9-5 I interact with other humans. I don't really enjoy my own company and so would need to have lots of strategies to stave off loneliness.

I had Dd when I was 23 and after a short stint of dating when she was 3 I decided to stay single and focus on us. I've spent the last decade learning to drive, retraining as a teacher so I have the holidays off with her, bought our flat so that we could be mortgage free - I'm in a position to move to a bigger house now but giving up the security of being mortgage free is hard to give up so working on whether Id prefer a bigger house or the security. We are very close to my family and see my parents most days. We (pre-covid) eat out and go to theatres fairly often. I'm mid 30s now I find the idea of being in a long term relationship in the future quite unlikely - I certainly don't think I'd want to live with someone else. But we were just getting into the position where we could travel a bit so I hope (post covid) that DD and I can explore the UK and further afield in the future.

I would be an amazing auntie to my beautiful nieces. I would probably buy a nice little house somewhere like Clifton, or Cheltenham but would regularly travel around places like Cornwall.

I would cook and bake loads, read books, I love hosting so would have family over all the time. I would get into a running club, or join a really posh local fitness club with a nice pool. Spend loads of money on clothes!

Go to Paris and Portugal at least once a year. Maybe a little holiday home somewhere if I could afford it. Go to the ballet, go to the theatre and see every musical possible.

I have a toddler and twins on the way, so maybe in retirement!!

I might end up childless, pursuing IVF so will see what happens, but if it doesn’t work I’d love to think I’d write a novel or take a sabattical and live abroad and maybe I will, but mostly I’ll probably just keep living the way I have for the last decade.

Working, travelling 5-6 times a year, going for coffee or dinner with my husband or friends, going for walks, going swimming, doing yoga, having family dinners with parents in laws and siblings, playing computer games, playing board games, doing housework and life admin, going to the cinema, watching tv, having spa days, looking after my cat, reading, volunteering, going to the occasional party or event, cooking and baking, mindlessly surfing the internet, shopping, and in the future caring for my parents. I might adopt some guinea pigs which I’ve recently become keen to do but I don’t want to add additional caring responsibilities if we have a child until they’re older.

I wonder how many of us would actually live these dreams we have though? As another poster pointed out, most are possible with a partner and kids. I imagine I'd live a hippy nomadic life across Asia. In reality, my life would probably be much the same as it is now with a husband and kids, I'd just watch a bit more telly

@Athinginitself
If you have health conditions, then you can try discussing options for having support to manage.
I know lone mothers with really challenging health issues that have support from support workers, social services, family etc.
Health alone shouldn't mean you cannot be a mother.

@YoungYankee

I would become a nun.

I second this

I think some people do forget that living on your own or single parenting is a lot harder on the finances than living in a dual income home!

But I don't have children so imagining they're quite expensive

I'm in my mid thirties and don't want kids. Also not in a relationship and haven't been for a few years. I hopefully will have a good relationship again, but if I doesn't happen so be it.

On threads like this there always seems to be the assumption from women with children that if they didn't have them they would be a high flying CEO, but many of us without kids don't want to conquer the world, just get on with our lives. As a previous poster pointed out, many of the senior female professional and business leader do have families, so it's not necessarily an obstacle (although I'm sure many of them have childcare help).

I think with or without kids, as you get older most people tend to settle down a bit - I had a mad time in my twenties, travelled and lived in several different countries, lots of partying, drugs, unsuitable men etc. But I wouldn't be interested in that now, and it's not because of a relationship or children, my interests and priorities have just changed.

Anyway, I am retraining to work with animals from a previously corporate job, so my future will be keeping my lovely friendships, adopting rescue dogs, hopefully having my own little house and generally enjoying my time. Not very fancy at all, but perfect for me.

I think financial security is probably the biggest worry, but I didn't want to stay in a well paid job I hated just for the sake of it - so I'll be poor but I'll be happy

@hilariousnamehere

I think some people do forget that living on your own or single parenting is a lot harder on the finances than living in a dual income home!

But I don't have children so imagining they're quite expensive

Why do you think several of us are entering convents?

[quote MotherExtraordinaire]@Athinginitself
If you have health conditions, then you can try discussing options for having support to manage.
I know lone mothers with really challenging health issues that have support from support workers, social services, family etc.
Health alone shouldn't mean you cannot be a mother.[/quote]
Hmm funnily enough I have considered all the options. It's not that cool to tell people with health conditions or disabilities what they should or shouldn't be able to do.

@Mulletsaremisunderstood that sounds perfect 💙

@PrawnCorset ha, excellent point 😂

I’d have concentrated solely on my career and had time to spend on hobbies/interests. Love my career - the cut and thrust, making a difference, the shared endeavour, making great friends, international travel to interesting places to do interesting things. I still get some of those things but I made the decision to compromise my career more than my children which I’m at peace with - but if I hadn’t had children I think I would have relished the freedom to just live for me. Swings and roundabouts I guess.