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Original poster

If you knew you would be single and/or childless forever, what life would you build?

64 replies

annabellacomestotea · 01/02/2021 17:40

Really curious, if you could see into a crystal ball and saw that relationships and/or motherhood were not on the table, what sort of life would you build for yourself?

I think I would be much more aware about building lasting friendships, I would secure my own place, I would potentially adopt a child, or at least foster/adopt animals, I would volunteer with animals, I would try out new hobbies, I would help out more with my friends children and my family members, I would travel a whole helluva lot more as well, and live in a few different places.

Really curious what others would do?

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 02/02/2021 07:38

I think I'd try to learn some sort of craft and make that my main focus out of work.

As for friends I'd try to deliberately cultivate quality friendships with other childless people as I think friends with families are always going to put family first. Practically this would be hard as I really suck at making new friends.

Overall I'd try to embrace living my life outside of the mainstream and accept that much of it is likely to be quite solitary. I'd have to be self sufficient.

Kendodd · 02/02/2021 07:40

What a good question!

babyyodaxmas · 02/02/2021 07:40

I have 2DC btw age 16&14. Dd rides 3 times a week, Ds plays football and climbs. I run, DH surfs and sails, we all ski. I don't' think this is an unusual or excessive amount of sport (and not as much as I'd like- see above).

starch23 · 02/02/2021 07:52

Being all self sufficient or occupied with pets and hobbies is fine and dandy until you find yourself with a major illness, going through extreme pain and facing your mortality alone knowing it might take days or weeks for anyone to notice you're dead and your body to be found.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 02/02/2021 08:00

I’m with babyyodaxmas kids take up a lot of time, surprisingly more as they get older.
It’s to be expected that you have less time to pursue your own goals, unless of course you make the travelling boho homeschool lifestyle your main goal in life but most people don’t have the resources to do that.

It’s just reality

harknesswitch · 02/02/2021 08:02

Yes friendships, I'd also have an active social life, I'd have a hobby I enjoy and also volunteer at an animal shelter. I'd use the time where I did have dc to further my career so I have more income later in life. I'd also travel at any given opportunity. When I was in my 20s before my dc I'd travel on my own a fair bit and really enjoyed it. That can also be very sociable.

When my dc are being a pain in the arse I often fantasise about buying a vw camper and travelling around in that with my dog.

harknesswitch · 02/02/2021 08:04

Being all self sufficient or occupied with pets and hobbies is fine and dandy until you find yourself with a major illness, going through extreme pain and facing your mortality alone knowing it might take days or weeks for anyone to notice you're dead and your body to be found

Grin I'm sure that can happen when you've got dc too

SnuggyBuggy · 02/02/2021 08:16

@starch23

Being all self sufficient or occupied with pets and hobbies is fine and dandy until you find yourself with a major illness, going through extreme pain and facing your mortality alone knowing it might take days or weeks for anyone to notice you're dead and your body to be found.
Call me morbid but I'd definitely start thinking about end of life options earlier.
PrawnCorset · 02/02/2021 08:21

@babyyodaxmas

I have 2DC btw age 16&14. Dd rides 3 times a week, Ds plays football and climbs. I run, DH surfs and sails, we all ski. I don't' think this is an unusual or excessive amount of sport (and not as much as I'd like- see above).
Of course it isn’t, but, like I said, it’s a choice you’ve made to do a certain set of stuff rather than other stuff. My original point in response to the OP was that building strong friendships and/or volunteering with animals aren’t incompatible with being in a relationship with children. You choose to do sport, or facilitate your family doing it, in time slots other people might choose to do other things in.
babyyodaxmas · 02/02/2021 08:25

That is probrably a fair point TBH. I think the "clean" lifestyle (home cooking, plant based diet, low alcohol and early nights) is part of that too. Funny how one doesnt' think of it as a choice, but I suppose it is really. I could fill the freezer with iceland's finest instead and not spend time buying and cooking fresh food.

AbiBrown · 02/02/2021 08:26

A very interesting thread. I feel that so many women aspire to the same things but tend to compromise quite a lot. It makes me want to set up a commune somewhere rural with the lot of you 😂

Chiccie · 02/02/2021 08:36

Having a partner and kids means I’m hogtied. Little freedom to just jump in the car and go somewhere new. It’s boring and tedious. If you have an adventurous partner then great but I’d rather have kids and no partner so I could live where I want rather than having to make huge life compromises constantly. I’d adopt and have a happy life. Living where I want not where some bloke wants to all the time

starch23 · 02/02/2021 08:46

Call me morbid but I'd definitely start thinking about end of life options earlier.

The UK does not have end of life options. It has "suffer inhumanely for as long as possible whilst having your wishes, dignity and humanity disregarded".

When I tried to refuse any further life prolonging interventions and asked for palliative care instead - which is supposedly everyone's free choice - they refused me any pain relief or palliative care. So it was either "continue to be traumatised by the interventions we want to inflict on your body but we'll let you have pain relief" or "die alone in agony without pain relief or palliative support" .

We're so civilised.

babyyodaxmas · 02/02/2021 08:50

*Call me morbid but I'd definitely start thinking about end of life options earlier.

The UK does not have end of life options. It has "suffer inhumanely for as long as possible whilst having your wishes, dignity and humanity disregarded".

When I tried to refuse any further life prolonging interventions and asked for palliative care instead - which is supposedly everyone's free choice - they refused me any pain relief or palliative care. So it was either "continue to be traumatised by the interventions we want to inflict on your body but we'll let you have pain relief" or "die alone in agony without pain relief or palliative support" .

We're so civilised.*

I'm sorry to hear this.Flowers

SnuggyBuggy · 02/02/2021 08:51

That's scary

Suzi888 · 02/02/2021 08:53

Travel and party! Wine
Which was my life until age 40 and surprise baby entered the picture lol

YouShouldLeave · 02/02/2021 08:53

OP asks about life without a partner and kids, so people with partners and kids comes here to tell about their lives?

Make it make sense.

xHeartinacagex · 02/02/2021 08:59

I'd be a bit of a nomad I think. I'm quite content in my own company so I'd do some traveling alone. I'm a nurse so it's easy to pick up work short term in between. I don't have a lot of possessions so I'd just have a tiny flat.

It sounds nice, but I wouldn't swap for the life I have with my family if it was a choice.

MotherExtraordinaire · 02/02/2021 09:00

I saw that relationships and/or motherhood were not on the table, so took matters into my own hands and used a sperm donor from a bank.

Relationships can come later, a child couldn't.

Best decision ever.

In this day and age, no woman who wants to be a mother, should ever not be able to ttc.

Athinginitself · 02/02/2021 09:02

@MotherExtraordinaire

I saw that relationships and/or motherhood were not on the table, so took matters into my own hands and used a sperm donor from a bank.

Relationships can come later, a child couldn't.

Best decision ever.

In this day and age, no woman who wants to be a mother, should ever not be able to ttc.

Not always that straight forward. I desperately want to be a mum but my health conditions would make caring for a child impossible for me. Am glad it worked out for you but it's not an answer for everyone.
MsTSwift · 02/02/2021 09:02

Also your kids are not at the needy stage forever. Once they hit about 13 they do not want you hanging about and you better have your own life lined up!

babyyodaxmas · 02/02/2021 09:10

If you don't't actively parent your children after 13 I feel sorry for them.

grapewine · 02/02/2021 09:22

@starch23

Being all self sufficient or occupied with pets and hobbies is fine and dandy until you find yourself with a major illness, going through extreme pain and facing your mortality alone knowing it might take days or weeks for anyone to notice you're dead and your body to be found.
Absolutely this. I have no partner or children and live alone. I also have chronic illness. In normal times, I'm OK and enjoy life well enough despite limitations. But I do wonder about this. And the moment I can't take care of myself, I'm going to make my own choice.
grapewine · 02/02/2021 09:25

@YouShouldLeave

OP asks about life without a partner and kids, so people with partners and kids comes here to tell about their lives?

Make it make sense.

😅
jellybe · 02/02/2021 09:28

I'd travel when I could.

I'd have a horse as I'd be able to afford stable fees etc. if I didn't have kids.

I'd live by the sea in a two bed cottage, so room for visitors but not to many at once.

I'd have a dedicated room for sewing

I'd buy art - again as I'd have the money to do this without kids.