How would you feel to be told this

[Name99]

Hi now ex partner of 5 years has just told me something and I cant get my head round it.
Hes suffered from premature ejaculation he says all his life, he has always said he has a high sex drive.
He wont initiate sex, he says that he hates disappointing me, he doesnt enjoy sex.
Hes told me by text yesterday, that for the last 20 years he has trained himself to cum quickly, this is why he suffers with PE.
He said he will/ has been know to masturbate 2/3 times a day in the toilet at work, he wont tell me has been going on since weve been together or living together.
I'm shocked, I'm feeling so low about this
I've felt unattractive and rejected for a long time. He wont tell me how long or if he is referring to the last 6 years of us being together
I tried to work with him, read lots about it, techniques, training, I've bought him creams, sprays etc.
I wasnt bothered, but he kept saying he would speak to a DR, kept cancelling.
I'm devastated. It's like hes almost been cheating on me.
Now I have no issue with masturbation in a relationship, it's his body.
But this has been by the sounds of it every day. He would rather do that than be intimate with me.
And I'm not just talking PIV.
Anything else, which I enjoyed just as much.
Help me get my head round this please

He’s an ex, move on. Let him deal with his own issues and be done with it

He's an ex. Wouldn't waste more time worrying about it. He has sexual issues, you don't have to deal with them anymore.

How would I feel? it's a headfuck thats for sure, upet is normal.

|From an outsiders perspective, your better off out of there, it was not a healthy relationship.

As above, he's an ex with issues. Happily no longer your problem.

I imagine the only reason he is sharing this with you now is either to hurt you or in the hope you'll feel sorry for him and indulge in a posterity bonk.

Don't give him the time of day. Just block him and move on.

His sex issues have nothing to do with you and are clearly deep rooted.
Have you even had sex at all - have you actually seen the PE - or is that what he told you?
It may be that he is embarrassed and covering his issues. Because no man out there can train himself to ejaculate prematurely. And why would he?

The PE sounds very chicken and egg to me. I don’t think that there is any scientific evidence that daily masturbation causes PE. I think your ex is a bit confused about how he ended up with PE. It’s more likely, he took up masturbation out of shame for having PE and feeling he can’t satisfy anyone else, just himself.
He seems though to be wanting to be sure you know it’s him and not you that was the barrier to sexual intimacy in your relationship.
I’d feel like it was too little, too late to learn this now, years afterwards. But he is an ex so I hope it brings you some closure that you made right choice in breaking it off with him.
On the masturbating daily instead of having sex...well they’re two different things. There is nothing wrong with wanting to masturbate and not wanting sex. In the case of your ex, his PE was encouraging more masturbation than sex to happen. But even in healthy relationships with no PE or other sexual dysfunction, it is not a slight to a partner to enjoy regular masturbation too.

I really wouldn't give a toss what my ex is doing with his penis. Move on, OP.

He's an ex. Why are you bothered? You sound more than a little odd tbh.

Hes an ex, dont waste your time on it ,move on with your life and find someone else.

An ex of 5 years?

Why do you care if he’s your ex? He has weird sex problems, wanking at work 2/3 times a day calls for him to be fired ASAP. Are you sure he’s your ‘ex’.

Why is he even discussing it with you?
Boundaries

He's an Ex. Why are you talking to him??About anything??

Tell him you never enjoyed sex with him either

Weve split in the last 3 days, we were together for 5/6 years, think I've caused confusion

So I'm not being odd thanks for that comment, I'm not taking to my ex I'm going through the separation currently.

I would be doing cartwheels that his PE (and whatever the cause or reason for it) was now firmly in my dim and soon to be distant past and no longer a worry of mine.
It's his penis and his problem, not yours.
I'd text back "Who cares?" and move on.

If you've only separated recently it's possible he's saying this just to upset you.
I don't really think you should compare his masturbating habits to having an affair. I would imagine most if not all men masturbate fairly regularly.
Easier said than done I know - but try not to overthink what's happened in the past. Just realise your ex's sexual habits are no longer your concern and move on.

Oh no, I'm not comparing masturbating in a healthy relationship to an affair
This has been a secret, something he has done for a long time and had no intention of stopping this to be able to try and have the best chance at a satisfying sexual relationship, that's the bit that feels deceitful.

I know it's his problem not mine, but so much is going through my head.
I've spent years wondering why he didnt want to come near me.
Something else was satisfying him.
A hidden secret, I have absolutely no issue with someone masturbating.
My self esteem is rock bottom, I'd make advances, send suggestive messages, try and try to reassure him.
And I find this out

Oh god if it's only been 3 days, please block him. You don't need him to tell you this stuff.

But many people find the details of masturbation to be very private. I don’t see why you are viewing that as a hidden secret because, most people do it. It can be assumed. My DH does it, I do it. But I don’t announce it or keep my DH informed of when I’ve masturbated or plan to next time. Neither does he.

In addition, many men do think that having a wank before sex will make them last longer during sex. It’s common advice to men who complain about finishing too soon for their female takes a lot longer partner.

I don’t really understand. It’s over, you need to move on, not start focusing on how many times he used to wank. Anyway he’s now made it clear it wasn’t you, so result.

My first thought is he's gay and in complete denial.

I get you OP
I'd feel betrayed in a sense too. Trying to rectify an issue, offering support to him at the cost of your own self confidence and then he tells you he knew what the problem was all along but wasn't arsed enough to control the excessive wanking to fix the ED and have a sexual relationship with you.
I'm not surprised you feel upset.

I do feel that he's told you to hurt you though. What else could he get from telling you now - if he has at least 1 functional brain cell then he will know it's likely to cause you upset.

I agree with others, block him and move on.

I'd be excited about the prospect of meeting a guy that could fuck me longer than a minute!! The future if bright here op!! Sounds like your ex has plenty of issues none of which are your problem anymore