Do you initiate sex with your partner ?

[Lauren551]

As the title says
I’m more looking for people in long term relationships
Do you initiate Sex with him ? And if you didn’t or don’t is he offended ?
I have to admit I don’t initiate it’s not that I don’t want to I just feel awkward initiating , I rarely turn him down when he instigates it , but he’s mentioned a few times over last few years that I don’t and also that I don’t ‘snog him’ anymore

Yes I initiate and it would be a problem for DP if I didn't. It should be give and take, not always down to 1 person. And if you can actually have sex, why on earth can you not discuss it.

Nope, not anymore. I used to. Well I did a few times. Sex is like everything else here now a contested issue. He wants it only when he wants it so its down to him to initiate. I don't want it just when he does so we don't have sex.

Always have done with various partners over the years from late teens onwards, 40s now. I think it’s important to do so. Certainly don’t feel awkward about it.

Yes. I have to or it would never bloody happen!

After 28yrs together it’s usually just a look. DH loves a particular perfume I wear and I only need to spray a little on to get his attention. Going into menopause was tough because I never felt like it so he initiated mostly, but now I’m emerging from the other end my libido is back with a vengeance.
I think MNs has a rather skewed view of male libido, they are not always in the mood, particularly going into middle age, so if not initiating then it’s not always because they have lost interest in their partner. Talking about your physical relationship is really important because rejection can be very damaging for both partners. Understanding each other’s needs and the subtle signals ( sometimes you need to spell it out ) we send out is all part of developing a deep loving relationship.

Never! I’m so shy about it which I know is just ridiculous.

Yes.
There are various options:

1. Pour whiskey
2. Ask for it
3. Whilst watching tv of an evening wait until he gets up to go for a wee/to the kitchen and strip off totally naked and act like nothing has changed when he gets back.

Yes. He used to initiate loads more and it's a sadness to me that he's less likely to now, tbh. But yes of course I do, it would be weird to be shy about suggesting sex with my bloody dh!

It is gobsmacking to me that anyone could be in a long term sexual relationship or marriage - and be too shy to initiate sex with their soulmate and partner!
This is the person you chose to share your life with, the person with whom you should be able to discuss anything at all, however intimate. What is stopping you?

Yes, though to be honest I have to beat him to it

In a way it's more indicating you aren't interested that's key with us, yes pretty good at subtle signs though, advantage of being older

My husband loves it when I make the first move but I am also quite shy about it even after 30 plus years of marriage. For me the issue is a deep seated dislike of my body which I have worked on overcoming all my adult life. It hasn't helped that lockdown has added another stone to it decreasing my confidence still further.
If I was slim and toned I would be up for sex a lot more often. Sad really as my husband swears he finds me sexy and desirable but I just cant believe that no matter how much I try .

Just do it He would honestly love it !!!! Give it a try

OP: I'd recommend strongly discussing this before it becomes something that cannot be mentioned.

I can't believe seeing this thread spotlights how trapped my DP and I have become. I've been trained out of initiating...flirty texts are ignored or laughed at, suggestions are closed down, offers of a massage or similar contact are refused.

And yet, I'm told I need to initiate more, and that routine sex every month at best is what I deserve. It's 15+ years since I arrived home to be told I was "wanted".

We will speak to someone about this, but right now I feel disgusting for expecting anything more.

No, but then he's like a horny teenager so I don't ever need to because he does every day.

[quote Christmasfairy2020]@Gncq who wears knickers in bed anyways even my kids wear pj's and no pants. I sleep in a sports bra [/quote]
Well, I only assume all those knickers in Ann Summers etc don't buy themselves...

Never, but i've never really had a sex drive. but even if i did, i wouldn't it seems weird to me to initiate.

but even if i did, i wouldn't it seems weird to me to initiate.
Why? Is it some sexism thing? Women, be pure and chaste and submissive to your husband...

It's about equal, depends hownour good night kiss goes when we're in bed at night.

However as we're ttc at the moment you could say me telling him "today's a good day" is me initiating 🤣

@DevonshireCat That actually sounds like emotional abuse more than anything else to me. Basically he's complaining about one thing and then moving the goalposts when you try to address it. Sex has been turned into a power trip. What's the rest of your relationship like?

When my daughter get picked up by her dad to go to his, I’ll turn to my partner and say “wanna fuck?” Usually does the job.

I didn’t at first, my ex always turned me down so I was very insecure about it. My now DH was a virgin when we got together, so luckily for me for the first year he was relentless in initiating himself, at least twice a day! His enthusiasm for me built my confidence back up, and I’d say I now initiate a third of the time.

It’s usually a certain ‘look’ I give him, or I’ll kind of snuggle in and let my hands go exploring a bit. I also use the getting into bed naked tactic!

Well we tend to have sex in bed at night so in an honesty initiating it would only constitute a decent snog so yes but he does it more often.

@Angrymum22
how did you get your libido back? HRT? How long after last period of it’s not too personal a question?

@DevonshireCat
I know how painful that sort of thing is.