So fucked up and i don't know anymore

[Snowmakeseverythingbeautiful]

Basically me and my partner are going thru a rough patch, and hes left today. Now I'm here with the 3 kids and the youngest is 4 months old. I'm so wore out and tired, I feel like I can't do this with him and I can't do this without him. He wants to work things out I don't see how we can because we just always end up back here every few months. I have been on antidepressants for depression/hormones/pnd I dunno which, right now I'm on none cos my doctor hasn't got back to me in two weeks despite me ringing. He makes my anxiety worse when he's here but now I'm feeling so overwhelmed on my own, so what do I do

In what way does he make your anxiety worse?

@Mamamia456

In what way does he make your anxiety worse?

I dunno I'm on edge when he's around waiting for something to go wrong, or him loosing it with the kids, he can be hot headed.

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. It does sound overwhelming but I think you need to take this one step at a time. Try not to think about the bigger picture at the moment. It sounds like it’s a good thing he has left? Don’t let that cloud your judgement thinking you can’t cope without him if he makes your life worse. First and foremost you need to focus on your kids so try to do that. It sounds like some space will do you good so don’t let him pressure you into anything until you’ve had a chance to process what’s happening with your relationship and what you want. Do you have family or friends who can help you with anything (difficult at the moment I know). Are you able to feed, clothe and keep your kids safe and warm? If so that’s the only thing you need to do today.
Take this at your own pace and just think baby steps and not too far forward at the moment. Try to get an appointment with your gp for to medication too as that will need to be sorted out before you think about your ex. I hope you are ok.

@ChippyTea16

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. It does sound overwhelming but I think you need to take this one step at a time. Try not to think about the bigger picture at the moment. It sounds like it’s a good thing he has left? Don’t let that cloud your judgement thinking you can’t cope without him if he makes your life worse. First and foremost you need to focus on your kids so try to do that. It sounds like some space will do you good so don’t let him pressure you into anything until you’ve had a chance to process what’s happening with your relationship and what you want. Do you have family or friends who can help you with anything (difficult at the moment I know). Are you able to feed, clothe and keep your kids safe and warm? If so that’s the only thing you need to do today. Take this at your own pace and just think baby steps and not too far forward at the moment. Try to get an appointment with your gp for to medication too as that will need to be sorted out before you think about your ex. I hope you are ok.

Thank you so much for your kind words it is so much appreciated. I'm just feeling very fragile i have zero support, he's not a bad partner i just don't know if he's good for me anymore because I feel like he makes me not a nice person because he's too soft if you get me and ive said some hurtful things our of anger and frustration. I just feel like I'm drowning

i understand where you are coming from i have anxiety and have been in your position its awful when you are tired and everything feels so much worse do you have anyone who can offer you support? sending you

sorry just read you dont have support its so tough id get on at the gp about the medication and tell them its urgent as it will help you im on sertraline and if i missed it for even a few days i really struggle and feel awful

@Mumtwoboys90

sorry just read you dont have support its so tough id get on at the gp about the medication and tell them its urgent as it will help you im on sertraline and if i missed it for even a few days i really struggle and feel awful

They're trying to find an antidepressant to suit me, but its no excuse for not getting back to me for two weeks. I just don't know what to do about my relationship or how to fix me, I have no friends either I guess I'm an introvert which I only realised lately and now i'd give anything for support and friends right now

Sorry it's all so hard.

What happens when he 'loses it' with the kids? What sets him off and how do you/they react?

It could be that having to walk on eggshells is what's underneath your anxiety and depression and that without him around you'll have the headspace you need to get stronger.

@QuebecHouse

Sorry it's all so hard.

What happens when he 'loses it' with the kids? What sets him off and how do you/they react?

It could be that having to walk on eggshells is what's underneath your anxiety and depression and that without him around you'll have the headspace you need to get stronger.

He just gives out, but the raised voices and atmosphere seems to trigger me, one of our children is very stressful they have additional needs so we both can be highly strung and when he doesn't stay calm it sets me off and brings my mood down. I think I'm so fragile and prob have been since baby's been born that I'm afraid for my mood to go down because when it does it goes waaaay down and I think too that's why his presence puts me on edge. I'm sorry if I'm not explaining properly I'm not very good and putting things together

Hes completely insensitive not intentially and I'm afraid of what he's going to say or do next thats going to trigger me, and how I'm going to react. I honestly feel so fragile and scared of myself sometimes. What is wrong with me is this PND or a bad relationship because I don't know anymore and don't trust my own judgement

Hi there OP, we're so sorry to hear things are so difficult at the moment.

We're going to move your thread to the Relationships topic, where we're sure you'll get lots of good support.

@RivkaMumsnet

Hi there OP, we're so sorry to hear things are so difficult at the moment.

We're going to move your thread to the Relationships topic, where we're sure you'll get lots of good support.

Thank you I appreciate it

I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed, I can imagine it's very scary being left with the responsibility over 4 kids but sounds like it might be for the best eventually. Has he ever left for a long period before as things will get better as you adjust and you might find that without his negativity and hot headed ness there that you can begin to relax again and enjoy being a mum. You shouldn't ever be walking on eggshells in your own home.

I completely understand , partner of 11 years i seperated from last July when my baby was 2 weeks old , we have a 3 and 10 year old too , I did 6 months on my own with them and it was hard I don’t think I’d have taken him back in December if it wasn’t for the lockdown I just couldn’t bare doing it on my own day in day out so I’ve decided I’ll stay with him for now and re evaluate when Life is normal again , is this an option for you ? I supppse it depends how toxic the environment is ? X

Hi @Snowmakeseverythingbeautiful I think when you say you don’t know if you have PND or a bad relationship that is probably a good starting point. I have no experience or advice re PND but from what I’ve read it sounds like a real possibility. The stress of the current situation plus but being on your usual Medication sounds really hard to deal with so I think you need to really try to get the appointment with your doctor (do you still see a health visitor or midwife at the moment?) they will be able to assess and help you and then you can go from there. All I’d say is don’t make any relationship decisions until you know what is what with your health as right now it just seems to be confusing things for you.

It sounds like the relationship could be partly what's behind your depression and anxiety. You've said your DP is hot headed and loses his temper and you're on edge because you don't know what's going to set him off.

It's so hard when you have such a young baby, and PND could well be a factor as well, but it's not surprising that you're exhausted and wrung out with two other children to cope with.

Try to take it one day at a time and see if things feel less stressful when your DP isn't around. You may all be calmer.

Did you suffer from depression and anxiety before you met your partner?

@DianaT1969

Did you suffer from depression and anxiety before you met your partner?

I definitely had some degree of anxiety but I didn't know it at the time so I was never medicated. I slso have periods during the month where I suffer with severe pms,,- mood wise. I was put on antidepressants after a few personal tragedies. I'd not been on medication for two years but was put on it after baby as was feeling low and unstable

@Lauren551

I completely understand , partner of 11 years i seperated from last July when my baby was 2 weeks old , we have a 3 and 10 year old too , I did 6 months on my own with them and it was hard I don’t think I’d have taken him back in December if it wasn’t for the lockdown I just couldn’t bare doing it on my own day in day out so I’ve decided I’ll stay with him for now and re evaluate when Life is normal again , is this an option for you ? I supppse it depends how toxic the environment is ? X

I'm sorry to hear that. How do you find having him around now after being separated for 6 months. Do you think ye can make a go of it or is it just an arrangement for now