Is it ok to end your marriage once you get to the stage where you no longer find your spouse sexually attractive?

[SecondStageIgnition]

Just started this thread as it seems an interesting question popped up on a different thread and was risking derailing the existing thread for the OP.
It might be the case that when my DH is about 85, I probably won't find him as sexually attractive as, say, Tom Hardy is now. Assuming I'll still be a raging 80 something nympo ... will it be ok for me to dump DH then so I can shag someone else?

If you are a great team, get on well together AND are aware that one of you doesn't fancy the other, and happy to accept that, then happy days/old age.

IF on the other hand, you have all of the above EXCEPT the acceptance, then I cannot see a future. Both parties have to agree there's no sexual attraction, and are willing to forgo everything that goes with it ie cuddles, affection, kisses..who really wants to live like that?

What made you decide to use an example of someone in their 80’s OP?

That is very different to someone in their 20’s or 30’s or 40’s.

If you are say 29 and your husband has decided that he doesn’t want to sleep with you anymore but you get on ok, do you stay with him for the next 50 years?

I would say the same for a man too. Should he stay with his wife if she has decided to end their sexual relationship?

Context is everything in posts like this.

I think there is a lot of misunderstanding on this thread about the importance (and even central) role of sexuality in love and relationships.

For one thing there is no way any amount of masturbation is any kind of substitute for sex with another person. Most people most of the time want to be in a relationship where they can express their sexuality, share their sexuality and be accepted by their partner. We are sexual creatures for most of our lives.

By contrast - rejecting someone's sexuality is rejecting a huge part of them. It's painful and that part of them will want to find acceptance somewhere else.
The more familiar story is someone thinks they are no longer interested in sex, or feeling secure, while in a relationship where they are no longer securely attracted to their partner. When the relationship ends and they begin a new relationship- it all returns very quickly.

*secure/sexual - autocorrect!!

@Seadad

I think there is a lot of misunderstanding on this thread about the importance (and even central) role of sexuality in love and relationships.

For one thing there is no way any amount of masturbation is any kind of substitute for sex with another person. Most people most of the time want to be in a relationship where they can express their sexuality, share their sexuality and be accepted by their partner. We are sexual creatures for most of our lives.

By contrast - rejecting someone's sexuality is rejecting a huge part of them. It's painful and that part of them will want to find acceptance somewhere else.
The more familiar story is someone thinks they are no longer interested in sex, or feeling secure, while in a relationship where they are no longer securely attracted to their partner. When the relationship ends and they begin a new relationship- it all returns very quickly.

Totally spot on

@GappyValley

I really don’t know where you are getting the idea I think a sex life isn’t important

All I’m suggesting is that in a long term relationship, with lots of positives, it probably shouldn’t be the most important thing, in so far as if everything else is good, a lack of sex shouldn’t be the thing that kills it.

When everything else is good, when you’re kind to each other, have shared goals and values and an intertwined life, you should surely be able to get enough fulfilment from that life to scratch the lack-of-orgasm itch with a bit of DIY, and appreciate the rest

I will reiterate that lack of sex and cuddles and wanting to be close is probably the canary in the coal mine of something going wrong

But I know of several friends who share beds, cuddle and hold hands but don’t make each other come
They are happy, they see their lives as generally pretty good

But I know of several friends who share beds, cuddle and hold hands but don’t make each other come.They are happy, they see their lives as generally pretty good

Sadly these are all too often the people who are then surprised when their partner has an affair . As you say
I will reiterate that lack of sex and cuddles and wanting to be close is probably the canary in the coal mine of something going wrong

That is looking at things in simple terms. Attraction is not skin deep I love my partner he is attractive in many ways not just physically he is caring kind he would do anything for us.
If he lost attractiveness and wasn't very supportive yes once you're no longer in love or feel they're special it is time to leave.