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Original poster

Starting over at 32?

49 replies

Crazycatlady7876 · 29/01/2021 21:53

Would you do it? Leave a relationship of 5 years at 32, knowing you really want to get married and have children?

Not abusive or anything but just not sure we are compatible anymore - lockdown probably exacerbating things and I realise how much our relationship was me out doing my own thing and so the time we spent together was more of a novelty/treat.

We’ve talked about marriage but covid has just put a pause on everything.

I feel like if I want a fresh start I am running out of time if I want to meet someone else.

I can’t even imagine dating again - obviously post covid if that ever happens! And surely by 32+ the dating pool is really fucking small and everyone has baggage? I just find the idea really depressing.

But more depressing than just feeling meh and at times resentful of DP?

Anyone done this at a similar age and actually found someone better, gone on to have children etc? Sad

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 29/01/2021 21:54

I was 29 when I remarried. Had two more kids and blissfully happy for the last 14 years now. Life is too short to be meh.

Original poster
Crazycatlady7876 · 29/01/2021 21:55

@Isadora2007

I was 29 when I remarried. Had two more kids and blissfully happy for the last 14 years now. Life is too short to be meh.
This is good to hear but this sounds really young to me and you obviously had met your now DH before 29!

Realistically if we broke up now I’ll be 33 before I can properly meet anyone without stupid restrictions? Sad

OP posts:
Whyistheteacold · 29/01/2021 21:58

Honestly I think it would be cruel of you to stay with him and waste even more time if the only reason you are with him is because you are worried you can't do better...

Hermie12 · 29/01/2021 21:58

I met my husband when I was 38, we have a daughter. I’d go for it, If you have doubts move on now and give yourself the chance to meet the right person for you.

FunkBus · 29/01/2021 21:59

32 is still young. Having children with someone you don't really want to be with is a horrible idea.

Santaiscovidfree · 29/01/2021 21:59

I met now dh at 41. He was 31!!
Married over 5 years. Ds is 6...

MyNameForToday1980 · 29/01/2021 22:03

I met my husband at 33. Married at 35. And DD was born one week before my 37th birthday.

We've been together 9 years now, all is well, I made the right choice by waiting until he came along to settle down.

Piranesio · 29/01/2021 22:13

I am. (At 32)

Broke up with exDP before Christmas. Like you, we had a good day to day life and pleasant relationship. I want a family and marriage and he couldn't commit to that in the foreseeable future. I don't feel like I'm out of time now, but I could see that happening in the future if I didn't act.

Hawkins001 · 29/01/2021 22:15

I'd wait and build friendships with others first to see how well you get on, then if it's truly what you want, it gives you the best starting position, rather than rushing to split then when realise ing oh pickle's, so to speak.

Bluebell9 · 29/01/2021 22:20

I met DH at 31. I had DD at 35 and we got married a year later. In so glad I waited for the right person. He's an amazing dad and husband.

Original poster
Crazycatlady7876 · 29/01/2021 22:23

@Piranesio

I am. (At 32)

Broke up with exDP before Christmas. Like you, we had a good day to day life and pleasant relationship. I want a family and marriage and he couldn't commit to that in the foreseeable future. I don't feel like I'm out of time now, but I could see that happening in the future if I didn't act.

This is interesting to know - how did you do it?? Did he agree or was it a horrible break up?
OP posts:
Original poster
Crazycatlady7876 · 29/01/2021 22:24

@Hawkins001

I'd wait and build friendships with others first to see how well you get on, then if it's truly what you want, it gives you the best starting position, rather than rushing to split then when realise ing oh pickle's, so to speak.
I’m not sure how I’d build friendships with other men first with a view to dating if I’m still in a relationship? At the moment it’s not like I have a social life anyway Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
Crazycatlady7876 · 29/01/2021 22:25

Probably should say we own a house together, literally my dream house and the idea of having to sell it and go through all of that is awful. We also have a dog who is like our child. I know these aren’t huge in the grand scheme but it doesn’t feel easy to walk away.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/01/2021 22:26

Don't settle for a relationship you know isn't working. You will have nothing but regrets.

Heyahun · 29/01/2021 22:28

Seriously you have years to meet someone

emily372 · 29/01/2021 22:28

Do you maybe need to get the spark back in the relationship ? Is he a decent bloke? Unless you are really miserable then I would maybe try and look at things you like about him and focus on them.

Original poster
Crazycatlady7876 · 29/01/2021 22:30

@emily372

Do you maybe need to get the spark back in the relationship ? Is he a decent bloke? Unless you are really miserable then I would maybe try and look at things you like about him and focus on them.
He’s absolutely a decent bloke - I just feel he makes hardly any effort and we are stuck in a massive rut but I don’t think things can necessarily change.
OP posts:
Original poster
Crazycatlady7876 · 29/01/2021 22:31

@MyNameForToday1980

I met my husband at 33. Married at 35. And DD was born one week before my 37th birthday.

We've been together 9 years now, all is well, I made the right choice by waiting until he came along to settle down.

This is so good to hear.
OP posts:
Miffyliffy · 29/01/2021 22:31

Leave. 32 is a great age and honestly focus on yourself and what you want.

Original poster
Crazycatlady7876 · 29/01/2021 22:31

@Whyistheteacold

Honestly I think it would be cruel of you to stay with him and waste even more time if the only reason you are with him is because you are worried you can't do better...
I didn’t say that - I do love him and care about him an awful lot but I just don’t know if he makes me happy anymore. There’s something not quite right.
OP posts:
emily372 · 29/01/2021 22:44

Totally understandable OP, I did leave my ex at age 28 because things felt like it had run it's course and were now really good mates after a year apart.

littlekipling · 29/01/2021 22:49

I was 33 when I split up with my long term ex (never been married and no children at that point). I was petrified I'd be alone and childless forever. Did online dating which was vile at times, but I persevered and met my now partner when I was almost 35 and we are now living together in a house we bought together and I'm expecting my first child in 8 weeks (I'm 39 now). So it's definitely possible. As long as you know what you want and persevere / stay true to yourself xx

Redflaggs · 29/01/2021 22:51

I actually ended it on my 32nd bday, couldn't take all the excuses of his shit behaviour, MH isn't an excuse to be an abusive boob.

This was my second time trying to have ' the relationship'
First at 16-21- left with two children
Didn't date again
Until 28-32- left with one.

And I realised that I am important and what I want and need really is the only thing that matters, and wasting time on dead relationships only makes you resentful.

I might try again when in 43 lol.

But on a positive note, my exh just had another child with his gf, he's 34 & she's 32. He didn't want anymore as ours are teens.

And a friends, broke up with her dp because he was cheating, they had a home together but no children. So she's decided to start again.

Wanderlusto · 29/01/2021 23:08

Kids are to compliment ones life, not to complete it. Knowing when to be brave and when to choose yourself, is so important.

The very fact that you desire kids so much that it would make you co side choosing to be with someone who you no longer care for...is the very reason that you are not ready for kids yet anyway.

You gotta be confident and complete on.your.own first. Well...you don't, but you should surely strive to be.

Be brave!
If you want kids, there are many years left yet to have them. Focus of finding your happiness and confidence first.

Wanderlusto · 29/01/2021 23:09

*consider choosing

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