I can't be anymore honest yet he's not reacting

[Londoncallsme33]

I'll start of saying we are not married. We have talked about trying harder for ages. His attitude is after 3 years of no sex he thinks in a couple of years we will be able to get it back. He blames the lack of sex on the kids. But it's not just sex. It's interests. Conversations. I simply do not look at him sexually anymore as he's choosen the sofa over me for months. He was happy to plod on like that and I was miserable and missing an adult bond.

We've spoken 4 times in total about the fact we have failed. In that time a man I have been friends with for years has become someone I am extremely close to. We want more. We are so attracted to eachother and we have been in contact constantly now for months and months.

A week ago I sat my failing relationship down and said I'm going to be 100% honest with you. Since we spoke about not working anymore I've been talking to someone else. We've got very close. I answered all his questions. Told him there are feelings there. He asked me bits and bobs. Then he just said you've done nothing wrong. I think it's because you are both lonely. I understand why you did it. He shrugged it off and then continued to say do you think one day you might fancy me again. Do you think this and that. I said right now I feel how I have been feeling for months.

He since then has basically said again he thinks we will be ok one day. It will sort itself. It's covid. It's the kids. It's this and that.

He showed no hurt. He dismissed everything. He won't react.

I don't know what else I can say to him. We can continue living together for a while for the children under covid is over and we can sort the house. That's fine. We are not arguing. But I feel stuck. This is exactly how all his family are. They never argue. They never get passionate. They never show hurt. His mum and sister are the same. They let people do whatever.

The day after I told him he said I bet you think I don't care because I'm so calm. I said well most people would want to deal with it more. He said you haven't done anything wrong really. Technically you just was lonely and wanted attention so you chatted to someone else. He refuses to understand I have real feelings for him too.

How do I go forward now? Please don't suggest selling the house now. It will take some time. Thanks.

However way you wish to word this situation op, thee fact is you are having an emotional affair at the very least and you have not been investing in your marriage.
no wonder your husband sounds defeated and un responsive, it sounds as though you want him to fight for you when he probably thinks you should be apologising to him.

Let him go and let him grieve for the breakdown of your marriage.
You are prolonging the pain for him.

Good luck with Sean, I hope he's worth it.

Just end it with DH, it sounds grim, but he does have a point in that you have been friends with this man a long time. You are likely not in the best place to make a decision about who to move forward with. This other man could be a rock you are clinging to as your relationship sinks. So end the relationship is the first step, then take time to think. What is your DH's rationale for being on the sofa? Does he have another interest maybe? Its sounds like he's too passive to end it, so you are going to have to get the ball rolling.

You have posted about this before and it is cheating! Why can't you just be decent and leave your partner instead of blaming him for your shitty situation. Do yourself and your partner a favour and just leave him ffs.

Firstly, you are having an emotional affair , whether you choose to believe it or not.

Secondly, you have not been honest with your partner because you have not told him that your relationship is finished.

Stop kidding yourself. On all fronts.

You are having an affair, and you haven’t ended your current relationship, no matter what you think you’ve told him about how unhappy you are. Be crystal clear with yourself about both things and then actually take some action instead of wandering around like a tortured heroine in a Jane Austin novel. Plenty of people are in shit relationships. Plenty of people have passive partners who desperately don’t want to face that things are over. But those people still end it. You can too. Houses are still selling. You’re using covid as an excuse on that front. Sit him down and say the words “this is over. We are not together any more. The house must be sold and we must come to an agreement about contact for the children.”

I think what you want if for him to just go pack his stuff and leave.... why should he? You don't wanna be with him so things will have to change, you will have to sell up and split costs etc etc.... You may have to adjust your lifestyle. Can't have both