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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Abusive partner wont leave. I am scared

34 replies

DepressedWoman · 28/01/2021 22:48

Hi all,

I have been with my partner 2 years in February, it has not been great at all.
It did start off as an amazing relationship but later on down the lane he has changed.
He has recently started to strangle me, call me names, tell me im fat and ugly.
He held a knife to my throat a few days ago and threatened to slice my throat and tried throwing me down the stairs.
My dad has terminal cancet, i found out only a few months ago and he tells me he hopes me and my dad die and if i “carry on” with whatever it is i am doing or go to the police, i am going to end up in a body bag before him.
I recently got sent screenshots by a woman, it turns out last year he was telling her he wanted to sleep with her, telling her he always liked her, she had a sexy body and wishes he was beside her.
I keep telling him to leave my house but he refuses and said he is not going anywhere.
He is using the excuse that he has been put on antidepressants today.
I am scared i am going to end up dead soon, he constantly keeps talking sexual to me since he done it thinking it will make me forgive him.
I cant even tell him i love him anymore as i do not, not in the slightest, not one part of me, everytime he touches me, i get a horrible sensation that i can not explain.
He even tells me i have no choice but to give him sex.
Why wont he leave? Ive had enough, i am currently having to wear loads of make up to cover a black eye i have from him, he threw a bag at my face and slapped me round the face, he keeps saying the black eye is from the bag and he did not mean for it to hit my face.
I honestly do not feel the need to even live anymore, to live my life forced to be with someone i am extremely unhappy with and someone i feel nothing but hatred for.
I dont know why i am posting this, i am so sorry but i feel so aloneSad

He even brings up the fact that i was sexually abused as a child in arguments all the time.

How did anyone else get out of similar situations?

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 28/01/2021 22:51

You need to phone the police right this very minute.

category12 · 28/01/2021 22:51

You need the police to remove him and you need to let them charge him with the threat, the assaults and the rape. Flowers

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 28/01/2021 22:53

Police now Thanks

I'm sorry that must sound scary. But they will look after you. Tell them everything.

If you can't. Show them this thread and what you've written here. I know it's hard. But you need to get him out now.

xanthian · 28/01/2021 22:55

Please, call the police!! Well done for speaking about this, I'm so sorry this is what you're going through. Call them right now, OP.

louise4745 · 28/01/2021 22:56

Please phone the police. Isn't there a number you can text or a number you put into the phone without having to speak to them?

It's hard but this is the first step you need to take.

dublingirl66 · 28/01/2021 22:56

Police now

Can you do it via message so he can't hear you?

Can you ask a friend to call for you

ASAP

Please please do not spend one more night with this scum bag
How DARE HE

louise4745 · 28/01/2021 22:57

IOPC) launched a campaign called “Make Yourself Heard” to increase awareness of the Silent Solution system, which prompts 999 callers to press 55 on mobile devices to signify they are unable to speak.

louise4745 · 28/01/2021 22:59

.

Abusive partner wont leave. I am scared
Beanosaurus · 28/01/2021 23:00

This sounds horrific, you do not deserve to be treated this way. Please phone the police now, you can do this!

louise4745 · 28/01/2021 23:01

After reading it's a bit useless as you still have to answer questions and they will not send anyone out just by pressing 55. Please phone them.

Sarahlou63 · 28/01/2021 23:04

Can you leave the house to go to the shop? If so, call the police from there - don't do it while you're alone with him.

SeahorseoramI · 28/01/2021 23:04

He has recently started to strangle me
This alone means you are in serious danger. Everything else means you need to act now.

Call the police when you are somewhere safe.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 28/01/2021 23:07

I know it's so so hard and scary but please call the police. He sounds very scary and dangerous. They will look after you and will know what to do. He's a bad man and this is exactly what the police are for.

jupeBex · 28/01/2021 23:07

Please please phone the police, he doesn't have to know. They will protect you from him Instantly!

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 28/01/2021 23:09

This sounds terrifying. Just because he's been your partner doesn't give him the right to attack or strangle you.

I agree with everyone else. You need the police. If you don't want him to hear perhaps you could go in the bathroom and turn the water on so he can't hear you. Or say you need something urgently from the shop and phone once you're in the street.

As you can see from all the replies, there's a lot of us rooting for you. ❤

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 28/01/2021 23:18

Contact woman’s aid urgently.
You can also get support from the Independent domestic violence advocates in your area. They will support you and advise ikon your legal options and police action if you want to report and make a statement.

Notimefor · 29/01/2021 06:37

Please call the police now, it’s now your best option.

Shoxfordian · 29/01/2021 07:21

Phone the police right now if you haven’t already

cupofdecaf · 29/01/2021 07:46

OP I hope you've phoned the police.

There are several things you mention that are high risk factors. Strangulation and the knife for example.
He's incredibly dangerous so please get help.

WankmasterBastardDeLaShithead · 29/01/2021 08:24

You sound absolutely terrified and desperate... What a horrific situation to be in. As other posters have said, please call the police right now. This doesn't have to be your life. Flowers

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 29/01/2021 09:10

Hi @DepressedWoman

How are you this morning?

Just wanted to check in. Please feel free to DM me if a public thing is too much. Just want to make sure you're ok

Dery · 29/01/2021 09:27

Dear OP - as PP have said: this man is extremely dangerous and may well kill you. Strangulation is regarded as a high risk factor for future serious injury and murder. And he thinks he’s entitled to have sex with you whether you want it or not.

Please go to the police. If I were you, if at all possible, I would leave the house and go to the local police office or just a local chemist and ring from there. Or even just from the local shop. This man has committed violent crime against you. At the moment you’re living at a crime scene with a violent criminal. No wonder you feel awful.

The police can take him away. They will likely put in place bail conditions and/or a domestic violence protection order which mean he has to keep away from you for at least a fixed period of time.

Is there anyone who can come and be with you at your flat for a while? This is a DV situation and lockdown rules don’t apply.

Lottieeshborn · 29/01/2021 10:38

Hi sweetie, just like all the other amazing people commenting before me, I didn't want to read and run and just wanted to try to send you some support.
You sound absolutely terrified and I'm not surprised at all.
This must be a living nightmare for you. Please please please contact someone. Police, a friend, family??! Anyone! I'm sure even a stranger would help you if you speak up and ask. I know the idea of contacting the police must terrify you, but what he is doing and could do, could end your life! You don't have to live like this! Please ask someone for help, even reaching out for someone here, I'm sure many many people on MN would help you, myself included!
I just wanted to send you some love and hope. Please OP let us know you're okay x

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 29/01/2021 10:47

Hope you are ok OP x

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 29/01/2021 10:50

I got out of this by calling the police and having my ex husband removed physically from the house and then getting the locks changed.

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