Your Sex Partner Number

[Marineboy67]

A conversation that comes up amongst men from time to time is the number of women you've slept with. Both men & women find it a bit amusing when I mention 5, it might have been 6 but I was to drunk to remember. After a 24 year marriage broke down 10 years ago. I did internet dating for a couple of years probably had around 50/60 dates but was only intimate with 2 women, 1 of which I had a 3 year relationship with. Am currently in a relationship of 5 years. Seems like men have to up their number to look like the man and women knock a few off to not be overtly judged . On dates I was asked this question at which time I'd be honest and say 3 which brought up a giggle more than once, one women asked if I'd actually considered being gay. It's like an odd kind of stigma that's attached to your number. Personally it doesn't bother me how many partners a persons had. You can't change the past. Interested to know others thoughts.

My thoughts mainly concern paragraphs and their help in rendering large amounts of text easier to read.

I'm at 26 (and likely done), people are often surprised it's that high. My friends joke that while we were at uni they were all doing drugs and i did dick instead. I met DH at 19 and stopped there, which i think is why people are surprised. So you can't win!

I'm 47 and had 4 sexual partners,2 short term relationships and 2 very long relationships,when I have told people in the past they don't believe me and find it impossible to only sleep with that many people.

I wouldn't indulge anyone who asked me... why does anyone want to know? That, and tbh, I haven't got a clue what my 'number' is. I didn't keep a score card.

All of these people are adults?!?

Laughing at how many people someone has had sex with?
Is your ”number” considered low?

I understand that these are very sex obsessed times, but that is not cool...

Me, personally, haven’t even cross my mind how many people has whoever slept with.
And don’t have opinion about it.

Why would she think you could be gay?

Ooof, didn’t realise you wanted our numbers.

I’m 34, 0 partners.
No sex.

Been with my dh for 10 years, neither of us has ever asked the other. Why would it? We both are aware we have pasts, no need to brag about it

I’m more interested as to why this is the first post under this name and it concerns sexual partners.

I'm at 10 or 11 but honestly, OH and I very briefly discussed it. Because our past is our past and there's no need to dwell on it.

If I went on a date with you, that wouldn't come up until at meant the 3rd or 4th date and it would not be a source of ridicule or amusement.

Your number is your number. It does not reflect anything on you as a person. Anyone making it an issue would be someone to avoid for me.

I have lots more experience than partner but it's not an issue and never will be .. he wasn't my first but he's definitely my last

It's never occurred to either my DP and I to talk about the number of people we've had sex with. It's not a competition!

If someone asks they clearly wish to judge you on your past so they aren't worth bothering about anyway.

Who cares.

Well first off I'm certainly not doing a survey of how many people others have slept with.
For me it was more of an observation about the reactions that I've experienced. Perhaps it's something that men discuss more I don't know.

Before getting married I had 6 partners, I married young and we got divorced after 15 years.
What I find interesting is when I meet men online or go out on dates one of the first questions they ask is... when did you last have sex! I don't know if I'm being sensitive as I am still recovering from a coercive / abusive marriage but I find this such an odd question of enquiry. I wouldn't dream of asking someone that question but it seems to be as casual as 'what did you have for dinner'!!

The only men who ask this question are insecure ones.

I would never answer this question if I'm honest. But yeah, men tend to add numbers and women knock off. I'm 34 and I'd estimate 30/40. I've never asked my DP and he's never asked me.

The same must apply to women then if that's the case. Women have asked me the same question.

I don’t know how many (I stopped counting!) but would say between 20-30. Dh and I have never discussed numbers but I think he’d be surprised if he knew my number was that high. I think he thinks I’m quite innocent!

63

More than the Pope and less than the Prime Minister.

I'm 42 and would say around 40 to 45 I've been in 4 long term relatinships, 4, 6, 7 years and then 1.5 years, respectively (last one wasn't necessarily a long one but was what I classed as a commited, even if shit, relationship) in between I enjoyed myself, and rightly so. I'm a woman, with needs, am educated in safe sex and am happy with casual arrangements. So......

What I find strange is someone knowing the precise answer to this....do people keep a list ?

@Divebar

What I find strange is someone knowing the precise answer to this....do people keep a list ?

Personally, no, no list, but i can just remember them? It was 4-5 years and 26 people, there's one guy i often forget the name of, but generally i can just count them off on my hands if someone asks me.

It's quite juvenile to discuss with mates, isn't it?

And with partners, it is dangerous ground.

From the replies on this thread it would seem that the interest around this information is reflective of the individual's insecurities / confidence and self esteem. I know I've previously measured and compared myself to others based on sexual relationships so I understand the pain and hurt this prospective comes from.
Now when it becomes a topic for discussion I handle it very differently rather than how I previously engaged with it.