Your Sex Partner Number

[Marineboy67]

A conversation that comes up amongst men from time to time is the number of women you've slept with. Both men & women find it a bit amusing when I mention 5, it might have been 6 but I was to drunk to remember. After a 24 year marriage broke down 10 years ago. I did internet dating for a couple of years probably had around 50/60 dates but was only intimate with 2 women, 1 of which I had a 3 year relationship with. Am currently in a relationship of 5 years. Seems like men have to up their number to look like the man and women knock a few off to not be overtly judged . On dates I was asked this question at which time I'd be honest and say 3 which brought up a giggle more than once, one women asked if I'd actually considered being gay. It's like an odd kind of stigma that's attached to your number. Personally it doesn't bother me how many partners a persons had. You can't change the past. Interested to know others thoughts.

Surely no grown-ass adult keeps a count?

No idea! I didn’t get the memo to say l should have a scoreboard on the bedroom wall or run an Excel spreadsheet. Maybe l should have kept a visitors’ book in my knicker drawer?

Nor would l expect anyone other than a very good friend to ask such a question.

@Divebar

What I find strange is someone knowing the precise answer to this....do people keep a list ?

If you've only ever slept with a handful of people, it would be stranger if you didn't remember who they were 😂

I can easily count mine - but literally nobody has ever asked me how many people I've slept with. Why would anyone ask that question? Why would you answer if they did?

I was also married for a long time, and was faithful. That's one kind of life experience. Not being faithful, or not being married for ages, are other kinds of life experience. You can't have all the experiences.

Isn't the old wives tale that when a man tell you, you divide the number by 3, and when a woman tells you, you times it be 3.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter, it's horses for courses, if you've been married a long time, then that amount will likely be lower than those who haven't. I enjoyed sex with a fair few men whilst I was single so I've slept with quite a few. No idea the exact amount

It's meaningless, surely? The culmination of all your life experiences make you the person you are, not just sexual experiences. And sex with one person can be very different to sex with another person, based on chemistry and connection, and nothing to do with past experiences.

So. Meaningless.

I'm not answering that question. I'm not ashamed and often wish I could have fitted a few more in before I settled down . The reason being is that it really is no ones business. I haven't asked for my partners 'number' nor he mine because its so bloody childish for a start and secondly no matter what someone says its always held against you. Too few and you are considered prudish or inexperienced or what is perceived as too many then you have been around the block.
If anyone asks again politely tell them to STFU.

It's a question I won't answer tbh. It's none of their business. Why do they need to know is the thing to think about.
Free from STDs? Yes. That's important information.
Number of sexual partners? Fuck off.

Confidently between 10 and 15 I think. Does oral count ? what about if he was too drunk ? Honestly it is 18 years since I slept with anyone except DH- what possible purpose is this information to anyone except a sexual historian now ?

This is the sort of thing I was asked in my teens and I am sure everyone upped the number then. Tbh I would always ask if they wanted the number with or irrespective of consent and that would shut most people up...

@babyyodaxmas unusual job title.

Yeah seriously, no one keeps count but if one is asked, one can use their brain and remember.

Names though? Nope.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction

My thoughts mainly concern paragraphs and their help in rendering large amounts of text easier to read.

😂

In addition, why do people always say “slept with”?

I’ve had sex with people I’ve never slept with and slept with people I’ve never had sex with.

The OED says that "to sleep with someone" has meant having sex with them since the year 900. I'd say that's long enough to be commonly accepted as a standard meaning.

But what is "having sex?".

What is people? What is what?

What?

1 billion partners.

This thread has taken a sharp left into metaphysical philosophy

I wonder if OP is disappointed.

I would say so.

Barely any juicy details. Plenty of paragraphs.

Probably not what they were after.

Only the best threads turn into metaphysical philosophy

My advice is never discuss this. You or your partner will either have too many or too few, and in some cases, it preys on the mind... will he be comparing me? How can I be significant to him when he has had so many others? etc. I think it can be quite corrosive, and I quite deliberately never discuss it.

I've discussed exes among friends, but I guess I'm not around the type of people who talk about numbers as I can only think it coming up once in a group with a very judgy aquaintance who did shit like declaring the person whose never dated and the one who has only had one sexual partner that is his now his wife as "doing the right thing" for waiting so I ended up saying, "Well, I guess I've done the "wrong thing" as it seems I've had more than all of you combined..." (which was funnier to me as I was the only woman in that discussion and judgy aquaintance didn't seem to be expecting that).

I don't get the appeal of wanting a number or to compare or why it would be part of dating early on -- though it could be fun to get into side tangents on what is sex - especially when some of my exes are also women and there is a whole societal thing that swings between everything we do being sexualized or everything being gals being pals...