Hi,
Bit of background - my DW and I have been considering extending our family for a few years now. We have been considering both donor IUI/IVF and adoption. I'm 36 and have a dc from a previous relationship.
Whenever I have mentioned this to my mum, it's always met with a look of concern, almost anger and comments such as - "I think you're mad!", "Do you realise your age puts you at high risk of abnormalities?" "Why don't you just enjoy the early freedom and be thankful for what you have?" And the one that hurts the most, when discussing IUI/IVF - "I think it's wrong that your baby won't have a dad". And when discussing adoption - "It could be a disaster and ruin your lives!"
She has NEVER asked how things are progressing, asked if we have decided to go down a particular route or even asked if we have changed our minds.
It's been months since I've brought it up, because I can't stand the absolute stone cold, joyless response. We are now in a position where we really do want to move forward with IUI/IVF, but it honestly breaks my heart that my mum won't be happy for us. Won't be excited to be a grandma again.
My first dc was a surprise and I was very young, so whereas she loves my dc to pieces, the pregnancy was not met with any happiness initially. I understood that. I was young, as I say and not in a particularly happy relationship, but things are completely different now. I'm happily married, financially secure, happier, more confident, but again, I won't get that jump up and down -"Oh wow! That's amazing, congratulations!" reaction, that I so desperately want...and deserve I think.
Yes, I would prefer to be a few years younger and yes, I wish that dw and I could have a baby together without any intervention, but this is our decision and I desperately want the support of my mum.
That's not wrong is it? I probably do let it bother me far too much. We are close, so her opinion does matter to me, but she can be unintentionally very cutting and sometimes, just completely thoughtless and insensitive.
Any advice would be appreciated.
TIA