Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s back and I’m confused, help!!!

55 replies

Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 10:40

I posted before guys but abit of background..
I was dating this guy, then he found out his ex was pregnant then he decided to ignore all my calls and texts for weeks.. then he decided to delete me off all social media and I was ok with that. I was trying to move on and I was doing well. It’s been 2/3 weeks since we spoke. Then today i was at work and got a call from him. He was asking to see me and talk about everything. He was also saying he doesn’t care about his ex but he cares about the bby which he understandable.

I don’t know what to do.. can u guys help me out pls do I just block this other number he’s contacting me off or see him today after work and work things out??

OP posts:
Nomnomarrgh · 26/01/2021 10:42

Please don’t take him back. He has shown you who he is and you deserve more.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/01/2021 10:44

Why did he decide to call you at all?. He did because he thinks you're a sap who would listen to him. These types do not respect any woman.

Ignore him and certainly do not meet him after work. Block him completely from being able to contact you going forwards. You're just being used here as a back up option.

nimbuscloud · 26/01/2021 10:45

Please do not get sucked back into this mess.

Lauren551 · 26/01/2021 10:46

Probably had an argument with current partner or the Boredom of every day life with her is setting in so he’s looking for a distraction , don’t let him use you like this and thank god you have no kids to this man otherwise it’ll be you with the kid who he’s going back and forth between , it’s no life trust me nip it , if he cared for you that much he would be with you , even if the other woman is pregnant he doesn’t have to be with her to be a father , don’t let him trick you into thinking otherwise

Original poster
Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 10:47

I know I shouldn’t guys but it’s so tempting. I’m trying to take on board everything that was said to me before about self love and self respect but I told him I finsished work at 6 and he will most likely turn up to my house and he’s asking for my social media back so he can add me back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 10:49

It’s also because he was in London when all this happened, when he found out she’s pregnant and that’s when I got deleted off everything and ignored. Now he’s back in Birmingham he wants to contact me. His ex lives in London btw

OP posts:
Blacktothepink · 26/01/2021 10:49

Say no!

Original poster
Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 10:52

@Blacktothepink I said I’d see to him but I don’t really want all the hassle anymore. I think I’m just gonna ignore all his calls. It’ll be very hard tho bc I really really like him and I genuinely wanted to be with him

OP posts:
Ruminating2020 · 26/01/2021 10:54

Please don't.

People like this who think they can come in and out of your life as they please do not deserve your time. They think they can pick you up like a toy, play with you and discard you when they're bored.

He's playing with your emotions and manipulating you.

Unicornamy · 26/01/2021 10:55

You wanted to be with him but look how he treated you... you think he won’t do that at the slightest opportunity in the future? Blocking and ignoring you etc?

Rainbowshine · 26/01/2021 10:55

Just text him now, saying you wish him well and you don’t want to hear from him again through any medium, directly or through others.

Then block his number, check your privacy and connections on social media (everything, not just the obvious ones - Twitter and LinkedIn, everything).

Then thank the lucky stars you don’t have him in your life anymore and concentrate on better things.

torquewench · 26/01/2021 10:56

Yeah, he sounds like a real catch! 🙄 Do your self esteem a favour and block him.

Rainbowshine · 26/01/2021 10:57

I really really like him and I genuinely wanted to be with him

No, you want the unreal fictional version of him that doesn’t exist.
Tell him not to contact you.
Block him now.
Think of better things.

Sassysally12 · 26/01/2021 10:58

Come on OP why would you do this? If you let him talk you round your setting the tone that he can ditch you, go shag someone else for a few weeks, then come back and you will let him back. It makes you look too available to him and it is inviting a pattern of bad behaviour in the future. Just block him, it’s never going to be smooth sailing with him because what about when the baby is born? He’s going to ditch you again, block him and in time you will find somebody who hasn’t got a pregnant ex, this isn’t just baggage it’s aggage and you will have a lot of agg coming your way, for a long time he’s going to have to go and be with her and the baby to visit as she can’t hand him a newborn to take to Bham no mum would do that. Don’t walk, run!!! Red flags everywhere, stop being a bull Grinxxx

tenlittlecygnets · 26/01/2021 10:59

Nah. He's not worth it. He showed you how he treated you last time - you're worth more! And he's got baggage - his ex's baby.

Don't get sucked back in. Tell him you can't meet him, then block him.

TheVanguardSix · 26/01/2021 11:02

I can't work out if you're a risk-taker, a mug, or both. In any case, you'd be out of your bloody mind to respond.

LivingMyBestLife2020 · 26/01/2021 11:06

Absolutely not! I wouldn’t even reply to be honest. Just block him. He’ll get the message

TheVanguardSix · 26/01/2021 11:08

It’ll be very hard tho bc I really really like him and I genuinely wanted to be with him

Hard? Hard because you wanted to be with some jackoff who left you in a heartbeat, totally blanked you like you were nothing, AND THEN (wait for it) did a runner to Birmingham because his baby in London is sooo important to him? Give this guy a Charlie Sheen Winning Rhymes With Winning medal. Get some pride, OP. For heaven's sake. And send him some condoms.

holrosea · 26/01/2021 11:13

I am going to make an assumption that the 98 in your name may mean that you are about 22 - only because you said that you realy wanted to be with him. If you are this young, there literally are hundreds of thousands of better men that you might want to be with and who will be a better catch. You have so much time to meet some of them (and imagine how nice it would be to just meet someone, date, and see what happens without the potential of a lifetime of someon else's baby* complicating everything).

*I realise that it is possible to date people who have childrena nd that the baby is hardly choosing to complicate this. Just to say that children are/should be a full-time, 100% committment for all parents and as such, stepping into a relationship with a guy who's dicking around this much before the birth is just asking for misery. Don't do it to yourself.

holrosea · 26/01/2021 11:13

PS. Excuse my typing.

FetchezLaVache · 26/01/2021 11:24

I told him I finsished work at 6 and he will most likely turn up to my house and he’s asking for my social media back so he can add me back

What you and this guy seem to have in common is that you both believe that he, as the man in the story, calls the shots. You both think it's fine for him to drop right out of your life, then expect to drop right back in when he chooses. So it's up to you. You can let him back into your house, your social media and your life, or you can decide that actually, you deserve better than someone who treats you with so little consideration (and finding out he was soon to be a father makes that worse rather than better, because he would have had a proper conversation with you about it if he had any respect for you, not just fully abandon you).

The choice is yours! You're not under any kind of obligation to take him back just because he wants back and you'd be bloody mad to.

picklemewalnuts · 26/01/2021 11:45

Message him and say you've changed your mind. Tell him, if you want to, that you won't date a man who dumps and blocks you with no concern for how you are, that you are not a toy to be picked up when it's convenient.

Then block him. Please.

Or, enter into a relationship with a man who has learned you can be ignored and discarded, picked up and played with, and come second to his convenience and whim.

tootysweety · 26/01/2021 11:51

You’re letting him treat you like shit. He’s after a shag and you’re disrespecting yourself. Why are you being like this? He’s treated you like shit on his shoe. Like you’re worthless. Have some self respect. Message him and tell him “you know what mate, after the way you treated me and deleted me I think you can get yourself to fuck. Don’t contact me again or I’ll call the police”

YoniAndGuy · 26/01/2021 12:19

Yep go right ahead and show him he can drop you like a stone, then whistle and you'll be there wagging your tail and jumping up.

That's totally going to end well.

He's a dick, he's shown you that he has no respect for you. Up to you what you do with that information. Personally I'd rather put my energies into finding someone who isn't a piece of shit.

Original poster
Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 13:02

You’re absolutely right guys, seems like he only wants a shag and surely he was doing the same when he was in London with his ex 😕

OP posts: