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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s back and I’m confused, help!!!

55 replies

Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 10:40

I posted before guys but abit of background..
I was dating this guy, then he found out his ex was pregnant then he decided to ignore all my calls and texts for weeks.. then he decided to delete me off all social media and I was ok with that. I was trying to move on and I was doing well. It’s been 2/3 weeks since we spoke. Then today i was at work and got a call from him. He was asking to see me and talk about everything. He was also saying he doesn’t care about his ex but he cares about the bby which he understandable.

I don’t know what to do.. can u guys help me out pls do I just block this other number he’s contacting me off or see him today after work and work things out??

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 26/01/2021 13:11

There's nothing to be confused about.

He went through his contacts as he is hard up for a shag. You took the bait so he said a few nice things so he can come over for a shag and hopefully you'll feed him too. Then he'll be off and you won't hear from him until next time.

I wouldn't want his likely diseased weiner anywhere near me. Permanent ick.

Original poster
Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 13:24

At the same time I want you lead him on and drop him like he done to me but I know I’ll end up being the one hurt

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 26/01/2021 13:27

@Emotionalmess98

At the same time I want you lead him on and drop him like he done to me but I know I’ll end up being the one hurt
Yes, you are right there - you won't hurt him by leading him on and then dropping him, because that would require him to have an emotional investment in you and he's shown you beyond a doubt that he doesn't.

Stop assuming he's as decent a person as you are! :)

Raindancer411 · 26/01/2021 13:32

You need to not let him in the house and meet him for a walk or something. He isn't meant to be coming in to your house, so you can use that excuse. Don't fall back into the trap.

Purplethrow · 26/01/2021 13:33

As much as it’s tempting to give him a taste of his own medicine, please don’t. You will end up in a never ending circle of hurt and confusion , and all the time you are messing about with this loser you are stopping yourself from meeting someone decent.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/01/2021 15:02

... at the same time I want you lead him on and drop him like he done to me

Or is it just an "internal excuse" for having him back, in the hope he's seen the light this time?

It hasn't happened and it won't, so if he calls round the simple answer is to just not answer the door - except I suspect you will, on the basis of "I couldn't just leave him standing out in the cold", "I insisted it would only be for 5 minutes and we got talking" or something similar Sad

PurpleMustang · 26/01/2021 15:25

Ok so say he has moved back. Let's move this along a bit. The baby arrives. Is he going to see the baby. If no, not a great role model. If he does, how is that going to work? He is going to have to do regular trips to London to see the baby. Most new mums are not going to let him just take a new baby for a time, that he hardly sees. Where would he stay? Would you really be trusting him while he is away?

updownroundandround · 26/01/2021 17:53

@Emotionalmess98

He just blocked and blanked you, ran back to an Ex, then suddenly, just because he's ''back in town'' you're suddenly ''the one and only'' again ??

Don't fall for his shit !

He just thinks to himself ''Ah, I fancy a shag, I know, I'll give ''old emotionalmess'' a bell ! She'll be up for it if I soft soap her a bit ! Wink ''I can just delete her afterwards''..........................

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off and laugh !

updownroundandround · 26/01/2021 17:56

@Emotionalmess98

In fact, text him now and say ''I hope you weren't serious, were you ??''

And if he replies ''yes, I miss you....blah blah'' reply '' Oh, sorry, I just assumed you were having a laugh ! Erm...........NO, I wouldn't like to see you, ever'' Grin

Or if he's outside your work waiting, say it instead. At least you'll get the last laugh !

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 26/01/2021 18:00

Channel that inner Black Country bolshiness. If he shows up, tell him "Yow can fook off, bab" and slam the door in his stupid arrogant face.

You are his back up plan for when he wants a hot meal and a warm fanny. Don't fall for it, you're worth more than this arse.

Original poster
Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 18:00

@updownroundandround he’s messaged me twice asking if I’m home 😭

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 26/01/2021 18:00

Didn't work out with his ex?

Original poster
Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 18:02

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation haha, I genuinely don’t have the mental capacity to hear his bullshite this evening, most of it I know for sure will be lies. Literally as soon as I was getting over him, he pops back up out of nowhere 😡

OP posts:
Original poster
Emotionalmess98 · 26/01/2021 18:03

@crimsonlake I think he wants me on the side with noone knowing bc he’s added me on Snapchat off a brand new account and not off his usual old ones.

OP posts:
Onthemaintrunkline · 26/01/2021 18:05

What is the matter with you? A guy walks over you once, disrespects you how he likes and you say come back and do it to me again!!

joystir59 · 26/01/2021 18:06

Stay strong in your self care OP. You deserve much better than to be his convenient shag.

MadameButterface · 26/01/2021 18:12

you are the world's biggest mug if you give this man another second of your time

litterbird · 26/01/2021 18:20

Sometimes when we are young we have this Cinderella vision of love where the man goes away, realises he has done wrong and comes back confessing undying love and sweeps you off your feet. I think this is where your head is at OP. By all means invite him over and listen to the crap he will come out with and the apologies and how he knows now what he wants...blah blah. Give him another chance if you think you believe him but just watch and learn in the future. If a man shows you who he is......believe him.

updownroundandround · 26/01/2021 18:30

@Emotionalmess98

In fact, text him now and say ''I hope you weren't serious, were you ??''

And if he replies ''yes, I miss you....blah blah'' reply '' Oh, sorry, I just assumed you were having a laugh ! Erm...........NO, I wouldn't like to see you, ever'' grin

Or if he's outside your work waiting, say it instead. At least you'll get the last laugh !

Do this !

toocold54 · 26/01/2021 18:32

The longer you leave it the easier it is to get over someone. It’s already been 2/3 weeks don’t meet up and then have to start from the beginning again!

He is taking you for a mug because he thinks he is in control of when you communicate. He was the one who blocked you and now he’s decided he’s bored and wants to speak to you again he thinks you should come running!
Stop this now else it will carry on for years.

itsbiganditsorange · 26/01/2021 18:34

How do you think the woman left in London feels, baby and all? If he's done it to her, then he can do it to you. And he will.

Anyway, we're in lockdown so you can't ask him round, can you? If you must see him, then you have to see him outside and socially distanced. But that isn't what he wants, is it? He just wants to get his leg over.

Strongerthanilook · 26/01/2021 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FetchezLaVache · 27/01/2021 10:18

What happened, OP?

MrsWindass · 27/01/2021 10:31

Dump this loser now before you are the one pregnant who he has left to go with someone new !

Emmelina · 27/01/2021 11:54

You know you’d be a mug to take him back, even with the fantasy of treating him how he’s done you. But all our advice means nothing, your actions do. Use the search bar and you’ll find hundreds of young women like yourself asking for advice on the exact same situation. Then use the search bar on the same usernames to see what they were posting about a few months later. It’s rarely the dream.