How would you feel if you overheard this conversation

[Tetley08]

How would you feel if you overheard a conversation between your husband and one of his best friends where your husband basically told his friend his sex love was shit. They then went on to discuss having a threesome (husband, friend and friends wife). Husband seemed really keen. The next day husband claimed it was just drunk banter and played down the whole thing. It didn’t sound like a one off conversation, it sounded like something they’d talked about before. I feel humiliated & embarrassed.

Yes, do get out and away from this horrible man.

You know he has no respect for you, no love for you, you have none for him - it's not an atmosphere in which to keep your child, especially since you have an alternative place to go.

If you don't want to tell your H immediately, then I would start by moving stuff over to the flat bit by bit, stuff out of cupboards first so that he doesn't notice, so that when he does notice or you decide to tell him, most of the work is done and you only have a small amount to sort out and take with you. This will make the final leaving much easier for you.

Also make sure you have all relevant paperwork safe before you tell him.

Threesome with another man and his wife? I would think husband was gay. And if sex life needs another man involved then no wonder sex life was shit.

Its a wonder sex happens at all given how you feel about him. I doubt you think it's great with him either, but this is just a symptom of other things that are wrong and shows you it's time you moved on. When the love and respect has gone, there's no point in carrying on IMO, you are just making each other miserable and life's hard enough sometimes, better to be on your own than with someone who doesn't have your back, and will happily stab you in it.

Oh, Tetley, this revolting man has been treating you with utter contempt for years.

You have written numerous threads detailing his cruel gaslighting/emotional abuse, infidelity, binge drinking, and financial abuse.

He clearly has intentions to cheat again. And he is happy to humiliate you by discussing your intimate life with others.

Tetley, you have been ground down for years by your husband and have worried about the effect this toxic environment has had on your son. I agree that this is a terribly unhealthy relationship model for him to observe. I hope you find the strength to leave this despicable man and move to the flat. You both deserve an emotionally safe home.

Have you considered seeking individual counseling to strengthen your self-esteem and boundaries and to formulate an exit plan?

Ew how creepy is the friend?! I mean joking about girls ok but any lad I know would lay a mate out for suggesting he shag his mate and his wife!

I’m so sorry and I hope you find th strength to leave.

Where does it say he’d have sex with his friend too?

I wonder if the H's friend's wife would be so keen! Doesn't say much for the friend's respect level for his wife either, tbh (unless she's a willing participant of course)

He has no respect for you to have had these conversations. Often drunk words are true words.

I second what pps have said about the 'friend'. Why would someone want another man to have sex with his wife? And I wonder what she thinks about being discussed like that? Sounds like both your husband and his friend are quite vile.

That would be it for me, I would tell the wife immediately. That’s sickening. Now sure, she might be up for threesomes, but if her husband is offering her up like a piece of meat and your husband is salivating at the thought and she’s not I’d be beyond nauseated.

And I have to be honest, I’d be quite disturbed by a woman who stayed with a man who was like that.

@Nicolastuffedone it says threesome, I thought it meant everyone with everyone, is my innocence showing?!

Well, I know zero about threesomes, but I assumed the two men have sex with the woman?

You were obviously in love once. What happened?

Nothing can excuse what your DH said, however, for context I'm wondering whether you have sex any more? Without the back story it's hard to figure out why he is so pissed off with his love life. If, for example, you have been rebuffing him for years, whilst it would never excuse what he said, it would go part way to explaining why he's so bitter.

@Babdoc

How would I feel? Exhausted but grimly satisfied, after putting all his belongings in bin bags and leaving them outside the house. And phoning the divorce lawyer.

One of the best posts I’ve ever read on here 👌

OP, in 2016 you said this:

I'll be devasted to wake up in 5 years time stuck in this same depressing situation with a man who clearly doesn't love or care about me.

Your previous threads are tough to read and that five years you mentioned is now your reality.

He's spoken to you like shit, treats you with contempt, has spent family money on strippers and binge drinking, told you he thinks you're shit at sex, told his mate the same thing, offered his mate a threesome with said mate's wife, thinks you're a skivvy...

Please, please, please leave this man. He is absolute scum.

I wish you were a friend IRL so I could scoop you up and rescue you from this situation that has ground you down.

Thank you everyone, you have reignited the anger inside me and I am making real plans to leave. This is the year I put myself first.

SummerBlondey - no I haven’t been rebuffing him for years, the opposite is true in fact. I’ve spent years trying to address our non existent sex life and got nowhere. Well actually that’s not true I got told he didn’t fancy me anymore and didn’t enjoy sex with me. I should have left then but stuck around another 3 years still desperate to salvage things. He must be more interested in watching porn, visiting strip clubs and having revolting chats with his mate about sleeping with his wife.

I cannot imagine any context where my DH would enthusiastically discuss his wife having sex with his friend.

Your STBXH is disgusting and his friend is also utterly vile.

I feel so sorry for you for being too scared to leave. I hate this rhetoric around ‘is it bad enough for me to leave’.

Yes yes it is. Simply not wanting to be with this man anymore is enough reason to leave a marriage. Don’t put your precious life on hold waiting for him to do something ‘bad enough’ to justify leaving. He’s horrible and treats you with contempt.

Run fast and far from him, and live a happy tranquil life.

@Tetley08

Thank you everyone, you have reignited the anger inside me and I am making real plans to leave. This is the year I put myself first.

Good for you!

You're making the right decision.

He's showing you no respect and doesn't deserve you!

You can do it Tetley

How you doing @tetley08 xx