How would you feel if you overheard this conversation

[Tetley08]

How would you feel if you overheard a conversation between your husband and one of his best friends where your husband basically told his friend his sex love was shit. They then went on to discuss having a threesome (husband, friend and friends wife). Husband seemed really keen. The next day husband claimed it was just drunk banter and played down the whole thing. It didn’t sound like a one off conversation, it sounded like something they’d talked about before. I feel humiliated & embarrassed.

I don't think you're overreacting. You overheard your DH arranging to have sex with someone else! I'd start divorce proceedings asap

I'd be horrified. The sex life between husband and wife is private or at least not to be joked about with friends. Most people find it becomes somewhat 'vanilla' at times when you have been together a while and have other pressures.

LTB

It's not embarrassing OP. He has behaved disgustingly.

No I couldn't move past that at all.

Also, are you happy for your sex life? Because although you are planning on leaving him, you've still got every right to use this moment to tell him that yes it is shit, you feel unfilled and it's just been very disapppointing. You've wasted x amount of years of good sex by staying with him etc.

Some men seem to bleat about their sex life being rubbish without actually taking ownership of the fact that they could very well be the reason it is shit!

Get rid.
Focus on the future
Sorry OP...

Please be confident that you are not over reacting. Plan to leave due to his betrayal of you and your private life and also the future planned betrayal. Xx

I'd be divorcing the twat

Disgusting behaviour.

Really grim.

A reflection on him, not you.

Glad to read you are organising yourself.

I'd definitely be telling the other wife when I was gone that her husband was offering her up.

Your husband and friend sound like real scum.

Mind yourself.
Organise yourself.
Don't look back.

Tell that inner voice to take a hike @Tetley08

And start getting your ducks in a row as a matter of urgency.

This is cheating. He has the intent, just not the opportunity yet (although he's planning the opportunity to)

I think the fact you even have to seek validation on here is a sign your boundaries have been worn down...

You know it's not ok and there are probably lots of other things that aren't either.

I'm sorry, I know how it feels to grieve a marriage that didn't live up...it's sad, but better to leave, heal and have a new life than be sad and trapped in this one.

Yes I plan to leave this year.

Can you leave soon OP ? good luck 🌺

How are you doing op x

Thank you for the replies. Not a surprise, I guess I knew deep down it wasn’t ok. Tbh I just feel very numb to it all. I’ve been let down and hurt so many times that whatever love was there has well and truely died. I wish I could just click my fingers and be living somewhere else. The biggest barrier to actually doing this is myself - I don’t want to let everyone down. I don’t want to have to tell everyone and explain. I don’t want to uproot my life and my son’s life. But I’ve come to realise this past year that I just don’t think I can pretend anymore. On a very superficial level we get on ok but there is such a deep level of resentment and anger burning within me that I know I can’t go on anymore. I read a great quote somewhere - ‘don’t set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm’. It really resonated with me and just pray that I can find the strength somehow to to leave.

It's awful when you know it's going to end,I wouldn't worry about explaining to people tell them the truth,he's the one that should be worrying that people are going to judge him and I can imagine those judgements are not going to be very nice. Do you have to leave or can he leave? X

Embarrassingly I have a flat available to me that I could move into tomorrow. I guess the FOG is keeping me here.

What a vile, nauseating git.
Living with that level of fury and resentment will make you ill. (Been there).
Use that anger to propel yourself out of this marriage.
Respect yourself. He fucking doesn't.

I think I would be ending the marriage.
I feel it is only a matter of time until he actually goes ahead with the threesome. Especially as the friend has agreed it's ok.

I just hate when people blame their actions on being drunk.

@tetley08, you should take the flat,living with him now will mess with your head x

Take the flat,move out now with your son, leave him to his threesome

And be honest when people ask, it’s his behaviour thats force do the issue, why shouldn’t people know

@Tetley08

Embarrassingly I have a flat available to me that I could move into tomorrow. I guess the FOG is keeping me here.

Please do this. Keeping your self respect is so important.

ew, 'can I rent your wife, 'cause mine's shite'. Bin bag time.

He's discussing your sex life with a friend.

Telling the friend your sex life is crap.

Agreeing to get into bed with his friend and his wife instead.

Leave!

I know so many woman who feel the same if they heard their husbands say this about them. Certain things are private between couples. It shows a total lack of respect for you. If he was unhappy in your marriage he could have told you and it could both could have worked on it.
From what you told us his behaviour has been poor for a long time. I think you know that it is time to start making plans to leave him especially if you have some place to live.
I know it not easy to end a marriage especially if you have a child/children but you deserve some one who loves and respects you.

Men. Not all men but some men do not equate sex with love. They look upon it differently. Some men think it's ok to have sex with another women because it is just 'sex' and nothing more. This is why they may visit prostitutes or see lap dancers/strippers for thrills and do not think they are doing anything wrong but at the same time would not tell their wives because they know they are.