He's always texting...

[WillowGrace26]

His ex!!
And it winds me up. I feel like a 3rd wheel in my own relationship. I've told him it bugs me and all I get is.. She's got my kids, I'm gonna talk to her.
But it's literally any excuse to call or text her and sometimes he makes me look like I'm stupid to her. Asking her things which I could figure out for myself or things I already know and he just wants to check like she knows better than me?
Maybe I'm just being childish about it, maybe it's just all in my head but either way, its annoying me.
When they talk, its not always about the kids, he does tell me sometimes what she's said to him and I'm there like.. Why do you need to know that? And all I get is, see I can't talk to you.
When he goes to her house to see the kids, if I text or call him I get ignored and he says she doesn't like me texting you in front of her or I won't answer the phone because I don't want her to know any of our business, but if she calls or texts him while he's with me, he's on it straight away. I don't feel like a priority to him sometimes.

Anyway, I don't expect a response. I literally have no one to talk to and I just needed to vent.

How long were his ex and he apart before you and he met?. It sounds like he is not over his ex at all but they do have children together so some contact between them should be expected.

Walk away from this now because I would think this man likes having two women vying for his affection and attention. No good to you will come of remaining within such a situation. You've talked to him and he has basically dismissed you. What do you get out of this relationship now?.

They separated 5 months before we met. We've been together almost 2 years.
He said he's never loved anyone the way he loves me and he even wants to marry me, I know he loves me and I love him.
I understand that they will be in contact because of the kids but in my eyes thats all it should be, I could be wrong?
He's gone out now, mad at me. I was trying to figure something out he says I'll phone XXXXX to see if she knows, I've said I'll try and figure it out myself. Fine, be like that was the response I got.

The amount of times I've wanted to tell him to go back her because she is clearly more important than me.
He says, I don't ever want to lose you, please don't ever leave me. But all the while I'm thinking, you're not making any changes you know it makes me unhappy the amount of contact with the ex but nothing is changing.

I think he's still in love with her! Who ended there relationship?,They have kids but contact should only be about the kids!

Love and relationships should not be such hard work honestly.

He is not over his ex at all and five months was in no way enough time for him to recover from a relationship with children that ended. He basically jumped from one relationship to one with you.

You are going to have to decide whether this is worth at all continuing with because he won't, I would say no its not.

It's clear what his priority is, and it's not you, and it's not the kids.

That should be all you need to know.

He ended it, he walked away from her. He slags her off like there's no tomorrow. I know the reasons why it ended which I won't put on here.
On a night when she is texting he will pull a face and say I wish she would leave me alone, so I say stop replying then and he says I don't want to give her any reason to stop me from seeing the kids.

From the day my ex left I only communicated about the children. I've no interest in him. What he is doing or his opinion. (I'm sure he thinks I'm bitter I'm not. He made a choice and is no longer part of my life so doesn't get to fake interest in mine).

That level of contact although positive he has that relationship with the mother of his children it is too much.

How old are the kids

11 and 4

Perhaps it's guilt on his part for leaving her. Even if there was a really good reason for it. I totally understand why u are put out though as you should be his priority along with the kids. I'd imagine he's trying to keep the peace on all sides but eventually he needs to just let her go and see her as the mother of his kids and no more. Otherwise it can't work between you.

He has said way back that its hard trying to keep 2 women happy but in my eyes me and his kids are his future, and at the moment he's pissing his future off.
In time, she will meet someone and he will be dropped like a hot cake, I've said this to him and he said I hope she does but why can't he do that with her now and save me this heartache

what do you mean by "sometimes he makes me look stuipid to her"? Is he slagging you off to his ex?

When did he last buy you a bunch of flowers?

Good to be friends with your ex but this does sound like he is not over her. Sorry Op

No he doesn't slag me off, not to my knowledge anyway, I mean like.. we got a new slow cooker, ive never used one before. Rather than just giving me 5 to figure it out he phoned his ex to ask her how it worked. That kind of thing

Bunch of flowers.. for my birthday last year.

Urgh! I couldn't be doing with that.

I've got kids and I fully appreciate that, yes, kids come first. But I'M NEXT! Not the ex wife/job/golf/mates/pub/extended family - ME.
Otherwise, really, whats the point? I'm guessing he lives cheaply in YOUR home.

He sounds like he enjoys keeping you both around. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. This would piss me off too. It isn't about the children.

Asking her opinion over yours is a disrespect to you, I'm sure your an intelligent enough woman to stand up for your own opinion, I wouldn't stand for that.

I can understand the not wanting to upset the applecart and lose access to his kids thing, my husband was very nervous about that in the early days. However ringing up to ask how the slow cooker works is ridiculous and would annoy me too. He should understand why you’re fed up. It’s quite a red flag really. And the children are so young this could go on for years. I’d tell him if he can’t step back from her and his old life a bit (and this doesn’t mean stepping back from his kids) then he’s systematically destroying you and him. Tell him he should think carefully about what he wants. And you’re right, he should see and care that it’s upsetting you, not storm out saying be like that then. You deserve better.

People can end a relationship but still love the person they left...maybe he still loves her even though he knows they didn't work out as a couple.

Either way, all you need to do is decide if you can be happy like this as it isn't going to change now. You've let the dynamic go on too long. He sees her as someone to confide in, seek guidance from, laugh with etc, not his kid's mother.

As a PP said, did he move into your place? If so I'd tell him he had to move out again. He hasn't mentally separated himself from his ex. It's one thing taking her calls, but calling to ask her how your slow cooker works? No. Look at his actions, not his words.

if I text or call him I get ignored and he says she doesn't like me texting you in front of her

That's why I'd leave. Keeping 'two women' happy?

No.

This is nothing to do with his kids.

Enjoy being alone at night and just having to keep one happy, would be my parting shot.

You're being made a fool of.

Do you live together? Why is he going to her house to see the kids? Does he not have arrangements in place where they stay with him?

When did he last buy you a bunch of flowers?

This is the second time I've read that asked in a thread this week.

What's that got to do with anything?

He OBVIOUSLY still has feelings for her OP, you don’t need to wonder about that. He does like you, but there are still feelings for her and you’re right to worry. Calling her to ask about a slow cooker?! I mean come on! He didn’t even suggest google or YouTube, he went ahead to call her!