He smoked crack with prostitutes and came on to my friends but maybe he's changed

[User23456]

Many years ago I had a relationship with a guy who was great at first but once he'd got me hooked treated me like crap - he wouldn't have sex with me and came on to my friends. I tried to leave him several times but he always begged for another chance and because I loved him I stayed. I just couldn't leave him.

He treated his previous girlfriend badly too. At the end of our two year relationship he said to me: "You've always said something was wrong and I think you should know the truth. I was addicted to crack and smoked it with prostitutes. You can't tell anyone." (We had a big circle of friends.)

Years later he is happily married. I wondered what was so wrong with me that he treated me badly but is now happily married. His new wife, who is very pretty, seems VERY happy and is always gushing on Facebook about her darling hubby. My friend said to me: "Maybe he's changed." Which felt like a slap in the face.

I accept that I tolerated a terrible relationship but I was much younger then and would never settle for this now.
Do you think it is likely that he changed?

Thanks everyone. The irony is that before Covid I was quite content with my life - even though I don't have loads of friends in my locality. They are more far flung and live in different cities. I am by nature a bit of a loner and was honestly feeling happier and more emotionally stable than I'd felt in decades.

I am not blaming Covid, I just think that life has changed so radically since the virus emerged that it's highlighted just how little real support I have in my locality. I would go so far to say that Covid has been enlightening in that it's highlighted what's wrong in my life in a way that I can't deny or ignore. I think: "If I stay in this city, this is how my life will look when I'm retired. I will be completely alone."

I know logically that isn't true because in the city where I live, I actually think it's quite easy to make new, casual friendships, and I have friends through work, but I don't have those decades-long ties with them.

I don't need "deep", best-friend kind of friendships (or didn't before the world changed) because I have those with people I've known 40 years from my home town, who I'm still in touch with regularly, although sadly don't see so often because of the restrictions.

Maybe I've just gone mad!

Thanks to every person who took the time and trouble to post to me - I really appreciate it - even the critical posts because it does make me rethink my responses/ reactions and helps me to look at things in a different light. Thanks so much, Mumsnetters.

I'm glad you've got something positive from this thread.
Good luck moving forwad.

Thank you Tavannach

Sometimes people do change, but it’s not your fault he was a shitty person when he was with you. You weren’t responsible for rehabilitating him.

Thanks Terracottasaur. It's been really helpful reading everyone's responses to this effect. I do think he is happy now and am realising that I just met him at the wrong time, and was the wrong person for him - and him for me. I once read that a man can only love you as much as he loves himself and maybe this situation was an example of that.