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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Let down

28 replies

Caelan · 22/01/2021 19:53

I’ve been let down so badly. Fairly new relationship- partner has several quite serious physical health issues plus depression. I’ve done my best to support both practically and emotionally.

I suffer quite severe depression myself and was having an extremely bad day. I asked for him to spend some time with me - just to provide a bit of moral support - he didn’t show - made an excuse he was unwell. I tried to be understanding but he barely asked how I was - sent a short text asking how I was - saying he was still unwell

I’m so hurt - I feel used and let down. I’ve messaged and been very clear with him about how hurt and disappointed I am - said I literally fell so gutted over it - can’t talk with upset etc -which he didn’t acknowledge.

I suppose I just want to say it out loud on here. It’s done and I know that I just want to say it on here to make it real in my head. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
fraggle500 · 22/01/2021 20:07

Didn't want to read and run - this sounds so rubbish! You seem like such a kind and caring person and it's not unreasonable to expect him to give you the same kindness back. I'm sorry this has happened to you xx

Miffyliffy · 22/01/2021 20:20

You cant keep pouring from an empty cup.

Don't keep giving everything to this man, find someone who is as happy to give and support as you are.

Original poster
Caelan · 22/01/2021 20:29

fraggle thanks so much for responding. I felt a bit self indulgent tbh - there are people much worse off - I’m just so devastated. We were talking about a future - I was so happy to help him - support him as I thought it was a real partnership.

So painful to realise how little he cared. Sad

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Original poster
Caelan · 22/01/2021 20:30

miffy I agree - that’s why I left. So painful though.

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Original poster
Caelan · 24/01/2021 15:43

It’s so hard today - I’ve a knot in my stomach, can’t sleep or eat. I’ve eaten toast which appears to be a mistake as I’m running to the loo every 10 minutes.

I feel ok at times then I suddenly feel anxious and sad. I think if I could sob I’d feel better but the tears don’t come. Sorry I just need to get this out.

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fraggle500 · 24/01/2021 16:52

I find that when I get like this ( I've been there many times ) for every thought of missing him I try and replace with the reasons I didn't want to be with him - his selfishness by the sounds of it for a start! X

kennelmaid · 24/01/2021 17:03

So sorry to hear this. I think a lot of depressed people can be very selfish and generally don't want to know about others' problems, not sure if that's part of the illness or if it's just in their nature. You gave so much support and got nothing back, I'm not surprised you feel used.

Original poster
Caelan · 24/01/2021 17:22

I feel stupid and hurt and ashamed tbh. Like I let myself be fooled - let the barriers down.

I’m raw with it all

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kennelmaid · 24/01/2021 17:28

We all have to let our guard down sometimes, otherwise life wouldn't be worth living. It's feels rotten though when doing so results in us getting hurt.

samanthawashington · 24/01/2021 17:46

Move on from this relationship. two people with a depressive illness is not a good combination. Its hard enough to support one, but this will not end well if you stay together.

KittensKnitting · 24/01/2021 17:59

@Caelan

I feel stupid and hurt and ashamed tbh. Like I let myself be fooled - let the barriers down.

I’m raw with it all

I feel so sad for you. I know just how you feel. You are broken-hearted Sad.

It’s so disappointing when you let yourself be vulnerable and dare to believe that someone cares deeply for you. And then they let you down.

It won’t help you feel better now but at least you now know he is not the person you thought he was. He is not able to put you first and reciprocate the kindness you have shown to him.

You sound like a kind person. Look after yourself, things will be better soon Flowers

bangheadhere40 · 24/01/2021 18:12

Echo the above! It's horrible, I've recently been there and it's a huge smack in the face.

I'm finally at the stage of not caring less...you will get there. Their loss!

DinosaurDiana · 24/01/2021 18:14

You need to keep all your energy for yourself, don’t waste it on ungrateful people 💐

bangheadhere40 · 24/01/2021 18:15

I just thought about how they made me feel, took ages though of being broken by it. Truly broken to learn I cared so much and he actually wouldn't move an inch for me.

Mine also did this after me directly asking fir some reassurance which made me feel worse and pathetic.

MaeveDidIt · 24/01/2021 21:00

You have your answer.
There's nothing worse than being with someone when it's a one way street.

Original poster
Caelan · 24/01/2021 22:04

Thank you all for your responses - I’ve had a terrible migraine so had to lie down hence my late responses.

I know it will ease it’s just very difficult at the minute. You have all been so kind to take the time to respond. samantha I appreciate your response but I think you are wrong. I don’t believe that 2 people with depression cant be together -it depends on the people.

I’m hurt he hasn’t cared enough to even ask how I am - that’s cruel and selfish- I want it to be a month from now so it hurts less

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Original poster
Caelan · 25/01/2021 10:38

Another night of no sleep. I keep going over and over it all in my head. I just cannot believe it. I cannot accept in ways that I will never hear from him again, even though all indications are that that is the case. I know I wont ever go back to him, I know that but for it to be left the way it was.

Im so angry with myself, I feel so stupid and sore, I feel like all my nerves are on the outside. sorry for ranting, just need to get it out.

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KittensKnitting · 25/01/2021 11:12

Don't apologise for talking about how you feel. It will help you cope if you can express how you feel. You will feel raw for a while but with each day that passes things will slowly get better.

Sleep and cry and 'rant' as much as you need to for now.

Original poster
Caelan · 25/01/2021 12:46

Why can’t I accept it? - I keep expecting the phone to ring Sad

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KittensKnitting · 25/01/2021 14:05

It’s hard to accept because you trusted him. And dared to believe that he was someone that would never treat you this way.

KittensKnitting · 25/01/2021 14:08

Whatever you do, don’t contact him will you? He doesn’t deserve to hear from you.

What can you do to distract yourself?

How is your migraine. How is your mood, apart from feeling so down about him obviously. Do you have something else you can focus on to give try to have a break from feeling so sad about him?

Original poster
Caelan · 25/01/2021 14:47

kitten No I definitely won’t contact him - I’ve deleted all details I have for him so I’m not tempted.

My mood is low - feels like grief tbh. You are exactly right in what you say- I never thought He would ever do this - betray me like this Sad

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Original poster
Caelan · 25/01/2021 14:51

I’m tiding cupboards to keep busy

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KittensKnitting · 26/01/2021 03:55

It is grief, because you have lost someone you cared about. The pain will come and go in waves.

Also worse for you as you were already feeling down. How are you feeling today?

Original poster
Caelan · 26/01/2021 10:24

Hi kittens I had a terrible sleep - woke up feeling horrible- why is depression so much worse in the morning?.

I was able to cry last night - I felt so wrung out after it - can’t wait to feel better- thanks so much for checking in with me

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