My partner just beat me up

[K1ran]

Hi, I've been around for years but this is the first time I've written a thread.

This evening I asked my husband if he could try and lower his voice as every time he spoke, my child, who I had difficulty putting to sleep kept waking up. He blamed my other children saying how can I keep them quiet. So I told him that it wasn't their voices but his voice that kept waking her up. Next thing I know he has started swearing loudly and throwing things and kicking things in his way.
Initially I kept quiet and after a few minutes I told him to leave
He said he wanted his passport so I got it and gave it to him and told him to go. He started screaming some more and getting into my face so I lost my shit and for the first time in my marriage I completely shouted back at him in the same language he was using towards me.
At some point he smacked me in the lip.
All I remember after that is more screaming from both of us. He smacked me in the back of my head and also grabbed my arms. I called the police and he said go on call them. I'll see what they will do.
The police came and arrested him.

I am absolutely petrified. I dont want him back in the house. I have small children and I'm afraid of them being taken away from me.

I haven't told my family. I don't know what is the right thing to do.

[BlueThistles]

OP call the Police and escalate this devision ... DV is rarely witnessed... your injuries are your evidence of the event 🌺

[warriorwomanx]

Well done OP you've been so brave. I'm
Glad you've now got some support in RL, yes kids will miss him for now but you are doing the right thing by your children 100%.
Good luck in your next steps and I hope one day you feel as strong, courageous and justified as you are 🥰

[Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse]

Well done op stay strong, you’ve definitely done the right thing.

[DfEisashambles]

100% you did the right thing for yourself and your children.

The test is when he comes crawling back apologetic and promising he’ll never do it again but he WILL if you let him back. Stay strong OP.

[K1ran]

@whydidimarryhim (exactly how I feel) the problem is I haven't bruised. I've been hurt quite bad but there are no visible injuries.
At the moment, the things I've been told are by officers in passing. The arresting officer is due to call me so I guess I'll get the correct information then.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

There may not be visible injuries but I think a doctor would find evidence of injury; you need their input here too. You were also smacked in the back of the head; that in itself should warrant further investigation.

Anger management courses however, are no answer to domestic violence which is what you are describing. He is angry because he is abusive, not abusive because he is angry. Think about what he has been like around family, friends and people in the outside world; he has controlled himself around them so it is likely he does not have a problem with anger. He has a problem with anger, YOUR anger, when you've rightfully called him out on his unreasonable behaviour. Such men too hate women, all of them.

I would urge you to remain fully co-operative with the police and if you have not already spoken with Womens Aid contact them too.

[K1ran]

@Attilathemeerkat this has hit the nail on the head. To everyone outside he is this happy, laughing life of the party, reliable person but with me, I could ask him a question, I could tell him something, I could try and have a conversation with him, that's it, all hell breaks loose.
It's gotten worse over the past few months. I realised that he can't handle me having a voice and it's not because I'm arguing with him or saying things that are critical of him, it could be any normal conversation that sets him off.
I've stayed quiet on so so many occasions but this time I'd had enough and stood up for myself. Which he couldn't handle.

[sickofit39]

Please don't get soft . Been there . This abuse will only escalate for sure . It's never going to go back to the good ol days . Men like this DO NOT CHANGE. Mind yourself in this and prosecute the bastard might make him think twice about doing it in the future although I highly doubt that.
Hugs to you be strong 🤗

[dublingirl66]

You must press charges

Let the cps decide then what to do

I am so glad I did
It means my scumbag can't have easy access to the kids
He is up in court soon
At least we are hoping for restraining orders

Hope you are ok
It is a long journey

Stay strong
They don't change sadly
Many get worse

[billy1966]

He did not lose control OP.

He was in complete control when he assaulted you.

He chose to assault you.

He doesn't like you having an opinion and he doesn't like you voicing one.

He chose the shortest route to shut you down, assault you.

Well done for calling the police.

Your marriage is over.

Go to the GP.

Get your injuries verified.

Tell the arresting policeman you want him prosecuted.

Call Women's Aid.

Do not allow this man back in the house.

Show him he assaulted the wrong women.

Accept all offers of support.

[Aknifewith16blades]

Press charges OP.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? If not, give them a call.

[mathanxiety]

The idea that because the assault was not witnessed they won't press charges is bullshit. How many DV assaults happen in front of witnesses?

Please call Women's Aid, 0808 2000 247.

Get an Occupation Order. WA can help you navigate the process.

Don't let concern over the kids missing this 'man' get the better of you. Don't let your family try to talk you down either, if they try.

Please, please press charges.

Anger management courses however, are no answer to domestic violence which is what you are describing. He is angry because he is abusive, not abusive because he is angry. Think about what he has been like around family, friends and people in the outside world; he has controlled himself around them so it is likely he does not have a problem with anger. He has a problem with anger, YOUR anger, when you've rightfully called him out on his unreasonable behaviour. Such men too hate women, all of them.

[HomeTheatreSystem]

It sounds like he has either denied what he did and made out you incurred your split lip by accident or lied to the police and said that you attacked him and he reacted in self defence: hence their statement. What an utter fucker he is.

[dublingirl66]

Do press charges

It will help you very much in the long one

[dublingirl66]

Long run I meant to say

How are you?

[Suzi888]

I hope your ok, you made the right choice contacting the police. Lots of good advice here, take care of yourself and your little ones.