Hi, I've been around for years but this is the first time I've written a thread.
This evening I asked my husband if he could try and lower his voice as every time he spoke, my child, who I had difficulty putting to sleep kept waking up. He blamed my other children saying how can I keep them quiet. So I told him that it wasn't their voices but his voice that kept waking her up. Next thing I know he has started swearing loudly and throwing things and kicking things in his way.
Initially I kept quiet and after a few minutes I told him to leave
He said he wanted his passport so I got it and gave it to him and told him to go. He started screaming some more and getting into my face so I lost my shit and for the first time in my marriage I completely shouted back at him in the same language he was using towards me.
At some point he smacked me in the lip.
All I remember after that is more screaming from both of us. He smacked me in the back of my head and also grabbed my arms. I called the police and he said go on call them. I'll see what they will do.
The police came and arrested him.
I am absolutely petrified. I dont want him back in the house. I have small children and I'm afraid of them being taken away from me.
I haven't told my family. I don't know what is the right thing to do.
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Relationships
My partner just beat me up
K1ran · 21/01/2021 00:58
Don't worry about events that might not happen. Cross one bridge at a time.
You have already crossed the biggest bridge.
Make a full statement tomorrow, and ask the police for help keeping him away.
You need a Non-Molestation Order.
Also an Occupation Order.
The police can help and advise you in getting these in place.
www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/getting-an-injunction/
^A non-molestation order is aimed at preventing your partner or ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you or your child, or intimidating, harassing or pestering you, in order to ensure the health, safety and well-being of yourself and your children.
An occupation order regulates who can live in the family home, and can also restrict your abuser from entering the surrounding area. If you do not feel safe continuing to live with your partner, or if you have left home because of violence, but want to return and exclude your abuser, you may want to apply for an occupation order.^
Under new legislation, a breach of a non-molestation order is now a criminal offence; however, you should still be able to take your abuser back to the civil court for breaking the order, if you prefer this.
If you already have an injunction, you may have a power of arrest attached, and you can also have powers of arrest attached to an occupation order. These powers come into effect if your abuser breaks the order
SS will be notified and you can ask SS for help and support keeping him away.
Please contact your family and tell them you need their support.
Please also call 0808 2000 247 - Women's Aid - to ask for their help too. Leave a message. They will get back to you.
Wishing you strength and courage. Hug your children. They won't be taken away from you. Stay strong.
I’m so sorry OP. You’ve done all the right things so far. Hope the police are helpful tomorrow and that you’re able to call on a friend for support
OP, you've had some excellent advice on here, Blackeyed Susan's list looks especially helpful.
You are going to be feeling not only battered and bruised but also in shock at what's happened. Sometimes this makes us want to revert to the familiar and what we know, rather than face a scary unknown, which can mean going back to the abuser.
You are now, even if it doesn't feel like it, in a strong position. He is out of the house and you can keep it that way to give you the breathing space you need to process what's just happened and to think about next steps: look into non molestation orders, restraining orders and occupancy orders. My understanding is that as a victim of domestic violence, you are entitled to legal aid so please contact Women's Aid who will be able to provide both practical and emotional support.
There are also some useful DV resources pinned to the top of the Relationships thread. Please look into the Freedom Program and also read this book by Lundy Bancroft,
www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Do not for one minute think that you are in any way to blame for your husband's actions. If he found the relationship intolerable, the adult thing to do would have been to tell you as much and to separate. Instead he has been inflicting his anger and rage on the whole family for years and the minute you tell him enough is enough, he becomes physically violent with you. He made that choice. Just as he makes a choice not to hit his boss or anyone else who might annoy him.
I don't know if he's likely to offer to go to anger management classes once he realises he's in deep shit but if he does, let him get on with it. Do not take him back on the promise of change. He might be able to keep up the good guy act for a while but he will lapse eventually and you'll be left walking on eggshells again, waiting for the next physical attack. The other thing to say is that if you do take him back, he will see that as your tacit acceptance of his right to punish you physically for daring to stand up to him. The next time he goes for you, it will be even more violent: for you and your children's sake, please keep yourselves safe and away from him. Children become adults in good time and growing up with an abusive and violent parent does untold damage to their self esteem and ability to form healthy and loving relationships. I doubt you would want your daughter(s) to end up with someone like their father.
All the best, stay strong and resolute and keep posting here for support .
well done for having the courage to give a statement. I know things are really tough right now but one day you’ll look back on this and realise it was worth it.
Well done OP.
You are a great mother.
Do not allow him back into the home.
This is who he is.
Unbelievable that the police would say that to you.
Of course he should be charged.
Ask the police to explain why?
Well done for contacting family.
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