Can a hoarder and a minimalist work?

[Minimalistmini]

Not the biggest issue in the world, I know, but after some opinions. Started seeing someone a few months ago. I've been single for quite a long time, and I'm not sure if I'm being too fussy (is there such a thing). Anyway we're very much in the getting to know each other, have fun stage of things but there is one thing about him that I have an issue with. I'm very minimalist, like space and tidiness, and he is the opposite. His house is very cluttered, random charity shop furniture, ornaments donated by various relatives, almost dead plants, just stuff. Now there's nothing wrong with living like that, but his house makes me feel a bit stressed and I've never asked him, but I wonder if mine does the same to him. I've started to wonder if there is some underlying psychological reason why we've both chosen to live the way we do, and if in the long term we will turn out to be incompatible. Any thoughts?

"See, I usually keep our stuff in the bag/suitcase when I’m in someone else’s house, takes up less room and I can’t misplace things. Also, I never assume anywhere has things like a hairdryer I would want to use, so I take my own if I’m staying anywhere."

I always like to unpack, even for short stays - DH teases me about it! And usually in a cluttered house there isn't enough floor space to keep a suitcase open on the floor, anyway.

Perhaps you can take a hairdryer with you if you're travelling by car and/or without small children. I have small kids and travel (or used to travel) to PILs by train, so we travelled as light as we could but still had some bulky baby stuff, and it would be pointless taking something like a hairdryer that they have in their house anyway.

I could never live with someone like that. Unless the things were in a spare room and where I slept and the communal living areas were clutter free. I don't mind visiting or staying in cluttered houses but if it was my home I wouldn't cope.

[quote Robin233]@unmarkedbythat
What your mum did was bang out of order.
But if your minx mags are all stashed away in the loft what pleasure do you get from them?
Do you take them out and read them occasionally?
When we moved house dh put a huge plastic box of car magazines up the loft. The car he's half built was put in the garage.
Neither has been touched for well over 8 years. And will probably not be touched for another 8 years.
What's the point ?
Just in case lol [/quote]
I did get them out and read them! They were only boxed and in the loft so as not to annoy her when she saw the whole damn collection in my bedroom. I had vague plans to think about selling the collection at some point because it was pristine, although I'm not sure there'd have been a huge market for it... These days though I would just love to dip back into them and reminisce.

“Perhaps you can take a hairdryer with you if you're travelling by car and/or without small children.”

No, it’s more that I have curly hair and it’s either take my hairdryer or wear a hat because there’s no chance anywhere I’m going will have one I can actually use, lol

I’m not criticising btw, just saying why they wouldn’t be an issue for me.

If anything I probably stress out minimalist hosts as a guest because I’m really disorganised, which is why everything stays in bags... if I put it away it’ll get chaotic and I’ll leave things behind, if I keep everything in bags I can leave a room as I got it.

No. Its not a small issue,seems you are both incompatible. He clearly doesn't see a problem with the way he lives - and you do. Does he even think its a problem?

AnyTimeSoon I dont have a problem with the way he lives and if he was a friend and I was occasionally going round for dinner, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. But I do wonder if the underlying reasons for his preference for lots of possessions and my preference for being clutter free will lead to us being incompatible in the long run. Some previous posters had said very definitely that 'no' it wont work out whilst others have suggested that compromises can be made if we ever get to the living together stage.

I wouldn't call myself a minimalist but I don't like loads of stuff and try to keep my living space fairly tidy. I don't know if my ex was a hoarder, he wasn't as bad as the ones you see on TV, but he was definitely on the hoarder side of the spectrum!

Tbf my relationship had many other issues. If it had been that been alone, perhaps it would have been bearable. Honestly though it was hard and quite depressing at times. The house never looked nice and storage was such an issue. The cupboards were stacked to the brim, couldn't find anything, no storage space, every available surface had stuff piled on top of it.

It was a fairly big house for just the three of us (me, ex and our dd) and storage really should not have been a problem. I found myself not buying things that I wanted purely because everywhere was full of his stuff. It felt like there was no room for me! I don't expect my house to be a show home but I still felt a bit embarrassed to have guests over because the amount of stuff made tidying impossible and made cleaning a much harder chore than it needed to be.

That was my experience anyway and I'd want to avoid being with anyone who showed hoarder-like tendancies, but a little clutter on its own wouldn't be too bad for me.

I couldn't be with someone who liked lots of stuff. I really struggle with the stuff we already have. I like as least as possible so I can clean (I anxiety clean) as often and as cleanly as possible.

No it won't work. My ex liked his stuff, I like clean, peace and calm. Now he and his stuff are gone I am so much happier for it.

Current DH does like stuff, but not to excess. We have clear floors and free surfaces.

It really depends on whether you can both compromise, can you meet in the middle . For example can you live with a lot more stuff? And can he then live with less stuff?

If you’re both unable to meet in the middle you can’t live together. If you can, then yes it will be fine.

As for the poster who expressed confusion on thr wedding dress, I don’t do clutter, but I won’t be dumping my wedding dress.