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Original poster

Does being called 'sexy' make you cringe!? Also, how excited should I be at this stage?

74 replies

TwoAndMe · 20/01/2021 18:49

It makes me cringe alot. I'm wondering if it makes anyone else feel like that?
Not just that, he has said he can't wait to kiss my sexy lips..
It's via texting. We have been texting back and forth for about 3 weeks. He then started adding 'sexy' into the messages. Morning sexy. Just got a message telling me how his day was and how he has had outdoor lights fitted for our dates at his house. Then again...asked 'how was your day sexy?'. I have ignored it up until now as it has been general chit chat. It's starting to make me feel a bit....I can't think of the word but I don't think about kissing his lips. He has said he can't wait to meet. I don't feel excited because I don't know him. If we had met a few times, I may feel excited.
He has also told me he has a camper van so start thinking about some nice places to visit.
Anyway, if he took out the sexy and wasn't future planning so much, it wouldn't feel so pressured. Am I being mean?

OP posts:
ravenmum · 21/01/2021 09:08

Have you got any plans to meet? I think I'd say that I didn't want to create a relationship online, without meeting him, as it could make things awkward if we did meet up and didn't fancy each other, and suggest that we either meet now or wait until a time when it is easier to meet before chatting again.

Fluffykittens13 · 21/01/2021 09:16

That would be a big no from me sadly. Im not an overt fan of names like sexy but if you haven’t met him yet and you are already cringing I personally would be trying to find a way out of it.
I also think that you should be wanting to meet him. This isn’t your fault but if you had a genuine emotional connection you would be intrigued and want to see him.
For me the forward planning is creepy too especially having not met.

cherrypop86 · 21/01/2021 09:25

I don't kind being called sexy when it's someone I like. My DH and I say it all the time to each other. I once had a few days with a guy that was a nice person but I just didn't fancy him and he used certain phrases that were really off putting. Things like " I dig you". "You're ace." "You're awesome". A 39 year old man using these words was not attractive to me.

cherrypop86 · 21/01/2021 09:27

And this guy was really full on too, making plans and I just wasn't into it. He creeped me out before we even got anywhere so the best thing to do was end it.

NavyFlask · 21/01/2021 10:52

How would he know you're sexy if you haven't met? Did you video call?
I think I'd be out, tbh, despite the campervan Envy

Nicolastuffedone · 21/01/2021 11:13

He’s 15 and found a book from 1969 on how to chat up women. I hate Hun/Babe/ stuff and ‘sexy’ would tip me over the edge

Colourmeclear · 21/01/2021 16:53

My guess is that it feels insincere because you don't have the kind of relationship yet where this stuff makes sense. It's all fantasy and a bit romanticised when you know what he really means but is dressing it up as something else.

I hate being called sexy. Attractive yes, sexy no. I've been objectified too many times to put up with 'sexy'.

Snooch12 · 21/01/2021 17:03

OMG. Ick Ick fucking ICK.

Sundance2741 · 21/01/2021 17:30

It's awful. Makes you sound inter-changeable with any number of women, and not like a real person at all. Back on the day "Gorgeous" had the same effect on me.

ExtraSettings · 21/01/2021 17:40

Oh god know, embarrassing OP.

It would be bad enough from someone you knew well.

Someone you've never met. Just weird to me. Sounds not very bright and/or respectful.

Did he really say he can't wait to kiss your sexy lips? And he's never met you? Presumptious to say the least. There's must be something v odd about him. Ew, ew and ew.

Don't meet him OP.

ExtraSettings · 21/01/2021 17:40

Oh god no.

SarahBellam · 21/01/2021 17:44

Firstly, is it a sexy camper van? Secondly, unless he’s Rod Stewart and it’s 1982 nobody should be calling anyone sexy. I think if my DP called me sexy my hymen would grow back. No, you’re veering over the border into the village of Ick in Icktonshire, and you haven’t even met him yet!

ExtraSettings · 21/01/2021 17:49

V. funny Sarah. Even listening to Rod Steward in 1982 I felt a thick, sweaty sense of ick and embarrassment. Maybe it was meant to be a joke? I wonder what he thinks about that single now?

ExtraSettings · 21/01/2021 17:49

Didn't Kenny Everett do a pastiche of him in leopard skin pants singing this? Its all a horrible blur.

ExtraSettings · 21/01/2021 17:52

parody maybe the word ...

Original poster
TwoAndMe · 21/01/2021 18:25

Thankyou all so much. So the majority think ick too?! Started reading these messages at work today and when I read the comment from SarahBellam2, I almost spat out my soup. So funny!
So, I told him I was feeling a little uncomfortable with the 'sexy' comments. It's not just that, we haven't met so it's probably better to before making any plans.
I think he understood but then sent a text saying, I like how we 'get' eachother. So I didn't reply. Then he text 'oi, that means I like you'! I responded by saying, well we don't really know eachother. He sent a message saying he may have been a little over the top. Then later followed by another saying he just wants to make me happy.
I ignored his message this morning and he has now sent another 2 since lunch time.
I really want to ignore but know I can't. I just don't want to have to tell him again. Oh this is horrible. It's put me off OLD!

OP posts:
Whatabambam · 21/01/2021 18:26

To answer the question. Yup. It's cringey as fuck. They're testing you for more sleaze. I have blocked someone who mentioned spooning. I had the courtesy to tell him why I found it yuck. I also told another guy to stop sending me messages that treated me like I was his girlfriend. Unless you have met them and want a relationship, these are deal breakers because it's either a gateway for sleaze or they are projecting.

You sound lovely and I am glad that you posted for advice. Be your own boss. You owe them nothing and you shouldn't feel as uf you need to explain why you feel uncomfortable. I only did so in order to help other women who might have to endure the same crap.

WunWun · 21/01/2021 18:28

Just block him. He's fucking nuts.

mistletoeandsigh · 21/01/2021 18:30

Being called sexy doesn't make me cringe, for example if my partner told me I look really sexy - I would be happy with the compliment.

What you've described though... no, sounds a bit gross somehow! He's in pursuit mode because you're backing off as well.

ladyvimes · 21/01/2021 18:31

Confused I would hate that. Yuk!

Maunderingdrunkenly · 21/01/2021 18:43

I found there was a lot of this about in online dating it’s another universe in some ways.

If it sounds/feels inauthentic, bring it back to a more real convo.

I wouldn’t judge him on just this though? Depends on what he’s like generally.

sammylady37 · 21/01/2021 18:54

@TwoAndMe

Thankyou all so much. So the majority think ick too?! Started reading these messages at work today and when I read the comment from SarahBellam2, I almost spat out my soup. So funny! So, I told him I was feeling a little uncomfortable with the 'sexy' comments. It's not just that, we haven't met so it's probably better to before making any plans. I think he understood but then sent a text saying, I like how we 'get' eachother. So I didn't reply. Then he text 'oi, that means I like you'! I responded by saying, well we don't really know eachother. He sent a message saying he may have been a little over the top. Then later followed by another saying he just wants to make me happy. I ignored his message this morning and he has now sent another 2 since lunch time. I really want to ignore but know I can't. I just don't want to have to tell him again. Oh this is horrible. It's put me off OLD!
Red flags here. He’s persistently texting despite you not responding. He’s not backing off. And the just wanting to make you happy bit- he’s never even met you. It’s ridiculous. He’s love-bombing. Delete and block.
RaininSummer · 21/01/2021 18:55

Woukd totally put me off as it makes him sound like he has a one track mind and only wants to hook up for sex.

hadesinahalfahell · 21/01/2021 22:49

Men who call women that they start chatting to on dating sites sexy, and talk about cuddles/cuddles on the sofa/wish I was holding you and whatever other variations are always

  1. Fuckboys
  2. Thick
Feelinglow8736 · 21/01/2021 23:22

@cherrypop86

I don't kind being called sexy when it's someone I like. My DH and I say it all the time to each other. I once had a few days with a guy that was a nice person but I just didn't fancy him and he used certain phrases that were really off putting. Things like " I dig you". "You're ace." "You're awesome". A 39 year old man using these words was not attractive to me.
Im cringing so hard right now 😬