Boyfriend using lockdown as an excuse not to see me?

[Littlepony2011]

Hi, I wanted to ask this on here because it's all a bit hard to make sense of when its yourself in the situation and friends and family are biased.

My (30F) "boyfriend" (40M) and I have been together for about a year and a half, a few months ago he broke up with me (not for the first time) then returned after 2 weeks saying the usual, that he was wrong, missed me, things would be different and that we needed eachother more than ever right now due to lockdown. He lives alone so is entitled to a support bubble, which we agreed would be me and he promised he wouldn't be doing anything else. I live with my parents. My mum has survived cancer and pneumonia in the last couple of years and now has a lung condition, so is high risk. My boyfriend has seen fit to not only see me but other family too, he has also agreed to do private little jobs on cars for money and he also arranges to have friends round to do non essential work on his flat. At the point he told me his mate was coming round to fit a carpet for him, I told him it was best if we take some time out if that's what he wants to do, for my mums sake. He said there is no way he is turning down having his carpet done as he has been waiting months. Now he's having his boiler (still working) replaced by another friend. By the time he has done these other things, we won't have seen eachother for a month. We only live a 15 minute drive away. I feel that he doesn't respect me or prioritise our relationship, am I overreacting? I feel very alone, as its lockdown and now I'm just stuck indoors not seeing anyone. When I tell him this he just gets annoyed with me and says it's a pandemic

It gets worse the more you say and shows you really don't value yourself - you get stuck with men who don't value you either by being this way about yourself.
Work on why it is that you get sucked in by a sob story instead of looking at the facts? Why you feel love for someone who treats you poorly?
You have very low boundaries, never continue to date a person who has overlapped you with someone else, I'd be wary about someone less than a month out of anything, whatever the reason, especially an 18 year something, that also showed you that he was dodgy. If he can go 18 years without marriage, children and commitment, you would never get these things either with him. If those are the things you want, being with him takes you further away from that and wastes your time for nothing but abuse.

@Littlepony2011

Well, he said she didn't care about him, wouldn't spend time with him funnily enough and wouldn't get intimate with him. He stuck in there until he did eventually decide to go on a dating app and met me. He told me he was single, but I found out later that he hadn't left her until our third date. A warning sign from the start I guess. I let it slide because I thought he was someone who felt alone is his relationship and tried to make it work for a few years, and found it hard to find the strength to walk away when he knew the relationship was over. I tried to understand! And now I just feel how he described feeling. It all just sounds worse the more I talk about it.

So he started the relationship by lying to you and to his ex girlfriend? Wow. What a prince.

He clearly has no difficulty in splitting up with women, since he's managed to dump you 5 times, so it seems likely that he's lying again about not being able to end it with his ex. Imagine if you stayed with him 5 years - at this rate, you would have been dumped 18 times! All you are doing is giving him permission to play away, safe in the knowledge that he has someone reliable to go back to. I don't even think you're his girlfriend. It sounds more like FWB.

I'd be really worried he is cheating with you as he did on his ex, and I'd get an STD test if I were you. This man isn't trustworthy. Is he very charming and doesn't come across as "the type" to cheat? They're often the worst.

To give him his due, he's certainly managed to pick someone who will put up with this treatment, as most women would be out of there about getting dumped twice! I had one like this once, he was very good looking (if short - short man syndrome I think) and he had a secret long distance girlfriend when we first got together, that I only found out about the first time he dumped me and he blurted it out when I wasn't as upset as he thought I would be. Several years later, he did the same to me. It was like a weight being lifted off my back when I eventually saw him for what he was and no longer had the burden of constantly striving to be in a relationship with him. There are much better men out there.

get rid and stop taking him back

OPi mean this kindly, these are the best years of your life. DO not waste them on some absolute waste of space man.

be single, get over lockdown and date someone amazing

I was just reading this back 3 years later and I thought just incase anybody ever reads this and wants to know the outcome (I always wish I knew when I read old posts), I ended the relationship in May 2021. It was hard for a long time, it took me maybe just over a year to be ok again because I'd become trauma bonded, but once I got over it, I'd never been more confident and happy. So glad I did this. Reading the responses to my post definitely helped to open my eyes.