I think DH pregnancy fetish is back

[babylovexo]

Dear lord help me I honestly don't know whether I seem completely mad and unhinged or whether I'm on to something here 🤦

So a few years back I found out my DH had a fetish for pregnant women and their bellies and a full on porn addiction, if I'm honest it weirded me out quite a bit and I realised that he needed help which he refused and said that he would get better and he did we had our own child and everything has seemed perfect until around a month ago.

One way he used to hide it was by looking at articles on The Daily Mail or The Sun so you can imagine I was completely surprised when he said to me bold as anything that he had downloaded The Sun app. It sat uneasy for me a couple of days but then I thought to myself I have got to trust him he hasn't done anything like this in years.

A couple of weeks ago he left his phone on in the lounge whilst he went out and I saw on there multiple articles on the homepage of you guessed it...pregnant women!!! I approached it with caution as I know from past experience that going all guns blazing got me nowhere, he of course denied it and I completely believed him.

He has now been spending a RIDICULOUS amount of time on his phone on the app, now some might say he's looking at the news or sport like men do but he gets all of that through on his phone anyway, so it really set alarm bells off In my head.

I then decided to do some digging and download the app for myself to see if what he was saying about them being normal articles on there were true, Ive used it as I think he would use it (looking at articles of what interests me) and low and behold not a single pregnant women article in sight!!. This may be me completely throwing it out the water but how do I approach him on this without me looking like a psycho? 😂

I'm just worried that IF he has started doing this again it will ruin us because of how much he used to do all of this plus I've got our little girl to think about too as she's my main priority.

Sorry everyone for the ridiculously long message I just had to get that off my chest before going to sleep tonight 🤦😂😂

Stop making him feel disgusted with himself because you feel disgusted by it.

I agree with this, and would hate if my partner tried to police my private fantasies. They are private and they are fantasies. As long as he's not making you do things you feel uncomfortable with then I'd let him be. But if you genuinely can't cope with it and draw the line then I'd conclude you're incompatible rather than trying to make him change what turns him on because he doesn't really have control of that. It's acting on it that would be the issue.

I think there are two separate things here. One is looking at non pornographic images of pregnant people in the newspapers. This sounds essentially quite harmless. The other is if he has a porn habit. The second, an awful lot of people would find grim and unacceptable. Do you feel like you could draw some boundaries where general images of pregnant women were fine, but pornography was not?

If it affects your relationship by him being inattentive or whatever, that's one thing, but if you had a great time one week away but the only thing that spoiled it was you going through his phone and finding he looked at porn - the problem wasn't him, that was you

Seriously? You think it was ok to look at pornography multiple times a day during a week away together? Sometimes I wonder if my standards are too low and then I read this sort of thing. Christ.

How is porn so normalised in our society? It's depressing as hell to raise your children in this kind of world.

I would be more concerned that he was a Sun reader tbh.

Your OP is a bit confusing.
Does he literally just look at pictures of pregnant women? I don't think I could get particularly upset about that as long as he kept it private and we still had a healthy sex life.
However if he's watching porn where men have sex with pregnant women then I would see that as him getting off on watching a vulnerable woman and her unborn child being abused which is awful.

I also think there are two seperate issues here. One, he has a fetish for pregnancy. Who cares really. Two, he spends all day looking at porn. This is a big issue. Now if a dp occasionally watched porn, whatever. But when it's to the point where he is watching it all day, avoiding spending time with you so he can watch it, creating elaborate hiding methods on his phone - that's a problem.

I don't know what you can do though as in my experience guys like this don't change, they only get worse. I had an ex who was addicted to porn. He watched it constantly. If we sat down to relax together, I'd get out a book, he'd get out porn. If we were watching TV together, he'd have porn going on his phone. Even during dinner he'd look at porn on his phone!

If this is real I’d also have issues with it op. There is something very creepy about it, and I think anyone who hasn’t been through it doesn’t get it.

When I was pregnant a friends partner was constantly trying to touch my bump, stroke it, look at it etc, it became very clear he had a pregnancy thing and it was creepy. If this was my partner it would give me the ick.

Wow, the PPs on here who are telling OP that her husband's looking at porn involving 'sexualised pregnant women' is a harmless little fetish? Seriously? Don't think it's common for a pregnant woman to make her own free choice to post explicit images of herself on porn sites. Or maybe I'm an old fuddy duddy and that's actually super-empowering? More likely trafficking/modern slavery victims like in this article www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/education-43300783

@PollyPorcupine ah cross-post. Yes, agree

@FortunesFave
In reply to @HollowTalk
"That's a bit Personal what was he like when you Op were Pregnant"

@Fortunefive

Op@babyloveox is hardly being a Shrinkin wallflower(Violet) saying about her intimate private stuff ! 😕

Well its Very Personal of Op @babylovexo in the first Place to Put up a Post Thread of her Personal Relantship,back home isn't it !

@fortunefive
Is it your first time replying to any mumsnet, Ops Post Thread then?
If it isn't,you are a absolute Doughnut L.o.l😂😂😂

Your Remark needs to put in One of the Classic funniest Remarks of mumsnet Thread Replys Archives A.s.a.p
thanks for laugh though @FortunesFave
I needed to have a bit of pick me up especially at these shit Covid Times !

[quote YesSheCan]Wow, the PPs on here who are telling OP that her husband's looking at porn involving 'sexualised pregnant women' is a harmless little fetish? Seriously? Don't think it's common for a pregnant woman to make her own free choice to post explicit images of herself on porn sites. Or maybe I'm an old fuddy duddy and that's actually super-empowering? More likely trafficking/modern slavery victims like in this article www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/education-43300783[/quote]
Yes, I’m really surprised at it too. Normally mn takes issue with porn. I’m really surprised that the fact her husband is getting off on looking at pregnant woman porn is something folks think is ok, is disturbing.

Why exactly were you looking through his phone and invading his privacy anyway? We’re all entitled to private sexual fantasies separate from our love life with our partners and you seem to think you’re entitled to tell him what is and isn’t appropriate

It actually isn’t your business what he wanks to as long as it’s legal

some of these threads crack me up.
a lot of people lead alternative lifestyles in their personal lives (me included) or have "fetishes"..... seriously....... I don't see the issue, unless you are deeply religious or something in which case fair enough.

@RMC
"He should be dumped Just for reading the Sun and the Daily Mail alone" !
😀😁😀😊

[quote thosetalesofunexpected]@FortunesFave
In reply to @HollowTalk
"That's a bit Personal what was he like when you Op were Pregnant"

@Fortunefive

Op@babyloveox is hardly being a Shrinkin wallflower(Violet) saying about her intimate private stuff ! 😕

Well its Very Personal of Op @babylovexo in the first Place to Put up a Post Thread of her Personal Relantship,back home isn't it !

@fortunefive
Is it your first time replying to any mumsnet, Ops Post Thread then?
If it isn't,you are a absolute Doughnut L.o.l😂😂😂

Your Remark needs to put in One of the Classic funniest Remarks of mumsnet Thread Replys Archives A.s.a.p
thanks for laugh though @FortunesFave
I needed to have a bit of pick me up especially at these shit Covid Times ![/quote]
If anyone can make out a word of what this poster is saying, do let me know. It could almost be in another language!

Reading the rag is bad enough

I'm not saying it's a fetish or porn is harmless. I am saying a fetish won't "go away".

It's up to op if the fetish or the porn or both are dealbreakers, but the fetish is the way he's wired.

I think she's also in the wrong for going looking through his phone and Internet history as if that's normal. It isn't normal, and it isn't OK. Policing and checking up on the guy is the route to madness.

Oops, I am not saying a fetish or porn is harmless is what I meant ^

send me the links, wouldn't mind checking them out myself!!

@Bluntness100

"When I was pregnant a friends partner was constantly trying to touch my bump, stroke it, look at it etc, it became very clear he had a pregnancy thing and it was creepy. If this was my partner it would give me the ick."

That is disgusting but a little bit different. Someone actually trying to touch someone without permission because they may have fetish for them, is slightly different to someone watching porn. I'm not trying to justify what the porn industry does or involves. I'm just saying it's a bit different. I'm currently pregnant with my second, before we went into full lockdown again I went out for a meal with my dp. They're was a man sat with his wife and kids staring at me. (Well my belly) watching me when I got up to use the toilet. Made me very uncomfortable. He only stopped when my dp gave him a death glare. So I understand what you mean.
I do agree with you. Im not sure I'd be comfortable with my dp watching pregnancy porn. But I know for a fact I would not be comfortable with him trying to touch up other pregnant women. It's gross, and borderline assault. They are two slightly different issues tho. Just in my opinion.
I hope you told your friends partner to stop trying to feel you up in front of people, and embarrassed him. Gross 🤢

Nothing wrong with someone having fetishes, nothing wrong with a pregnancy fetish either. But if you’re uncomfortable with it then he’s the wrong man for you.

Hi Op
My take (my view point on this issue of yours with husband is that if your husband was acting on his fetish of his in a way that was making up feel uncomfortable/a step too far such as for e.g lf your husband Started to Be Sneaky/Creepy,your husband for e.g explored arranged to have a hook up etc with a pregnant woman who is single (her father to be ex partner deserted her or she had decided to dump father to be ex partner as No good Loser Type etc

I think it's all down to the individual, if you feel it's a deal breaker, him looking at porn, or fetish stuff, then it's a deal breaker. He's crossed a boundary you put in place. If he's crossed it again, knowing that this is a deal breaker for you, then I'd have to look at the relationship, and if you want to continue to be with a man who'd do that.

Personally porn isn't a deal breaker for me, but if it is for the op, then it's a relationship issue

Hi Op

You Obviously Need to Dump him
Under Circumtances like this,as he your husband acting on his sexual urges with his Fetish's in this Way, Would be totally Unacceptable and Disresptful towards You,
And so damaging/Sabotaging your Relanship Your Marriage !
there would No going back to this Relantships of Yours Then !

Its a Done Deal A relantship Deal Breaker Dead in the Water
Time to move on Senorio ! 😕

@thosetalesofunexpected

Hi Op

You Obviously Need to Dump him
Under Circumtances like this,as he your husband acting on his sexual urges with his Fetish's in this Way, Would be totally Unacceptable and Disresptful towards You,
And so damaging/Sabotaging your Relanship Your Marriage !
there would No going back to this Relantships of Yours Then !

Its a Done Deal A relantship Deal Breaker Dead in the Water
Time to move on Senorio ! 😕

I am begging you to start using a spell checking function before posting again