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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i am going to kill my partner - i am so angry

77 replies

godalmighty2 · 29/10/2007 00:22

ok, don't know if this is alreay a thread and sorry to mess it up by starting anew one,,,

i am furious

i just found out he's spent 7k of our join savings on 'stuff for the house' and he doesn;'t know what exactly and i don' know what and he's pissed off that i 'm even asking.

i am going to kill him.

he's up t his ears in debt and i bail him out often and deal with the bailiffs, he ignores his bank statements and works to keep still basically - self-employed. it's made me so angry - he's really disrespectfuul about it.

i pay all the bills and the mortgage but somehow this is my fault! i am going to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
godalmighty2 · 30/10/2007 00:14

i am! godalmighty i really am...but if he dragged me out of bed for althete's foot powder i'd be really upset.

I'm so angry about the bank statements and this has really just tipped me over. we don't even smoke cigarettes now!!!!

OP posts:
OMGhelp · 30/10/2007 00:14

Sorry to say this but canabis can come in green brown powder.

Also if your man is V.A.T registered he may have had to use the money to pay his V.A.T bill as they get very shirty about unpaid VAT bills.

Is he hubby or partner? could he declare himself bankrupt? It can be done by himself for about £900. You won't lose the car/van if it is nessesary for his work.

When I was deeply depressed, I was spending money hand over fist to make me feel better, the most expensive being a 2 week AI holiday in Egypt for the family.

Niecie · 30/10/2007 00:16

Don't know if the link below helps. I have no idea what most of these things look like

  • What do illegal drugs look like?
PurpleOne · 30/10/2007 00:18

green its marijuana...well skunk or sensimillia
brown...heroin or coke?

Hand it in to the police and see what they say? Get it analysed to put your mind at rest, please!

If it is illegal drugs, it wouldnt have a label on it?
But heroin doesn't have to be lumpy either.

The fact that it's hidden worried me...and that's coming from a former drug user

Just sending gentle blessings x x

Original poster
godalmighty2 · 30/10/2007 00:23

i can take it round and say it was on the car bonnet or something....i'm goingto find out if there open atthis time of nighht.

OP posts:
Original poster
godalmighty2 · 30/10/2007 00:24

bankrupt is definitely the way, btw, if i find out this is drugs. bankrupt and cardboard box.

OP posts:
WitchTwoOh · 30/10/2007 00:26

oh you poor thing, your head must be mince.

mysonsmummy · 30/10/2007 00:27

theres no point going this time of night they wont be able to tell you at the counter. they will just take it off you. not even sure they would analyse is for you.

Original poster
godalmighty2 · 30/10/2007 00:31

they're not answering. nor is the ask frank line. they're al busy/

god i feel so foolish telling you all this. the money is a nightmare - i'm reeling from that. and now i really feel terrified. like i almost don't want to know what it is...

there's nothing else coming up under green brown powder drugs

if it's not some kind of tea then i think my relationship is over....

godalmighhty. deal or no freaking deal?????

OP posts:
onebatmother · 30/10/2007 00:33

cry for help i think.
people spend money destructively for the same reasons they drink/use prostitutes/drugs/have ludicrous affairs
the rush of it distracts them from their anxieties.
But you should still leave him I think - as you would a drug user.

Original poster
godalmighty2 · 30/10/2007 00:34

just found out what kit is.....

sorry i was just racing. i wasn't listening.

NO i have not found KIT - syringe or spoon or lighter near it.

i am goingto carry on looking but that's got to be a good sign, right>

OP posts:
Niecie · 30/10/2007 00:42

Your relationship may be over and you may have to leave him (or kick him out) but you still need answers or it will do your head in. Don't let him out of the house tomorrow until you have been able to talk to him. This is serious - he can't keep running away from it.

You must be shattered. Did you have to work today? Do you have to work tomorrow? Can you call in sick if you stay up all night to make sure he doesn't leave before you get up like he did this morning.

How can he sleep!!?!!

Original poster
godalmighty2 · 30/10/2007 00:47

i have no idea - i was furious all day so that kind of helped actually.

i don't know what i feel - i feel sort of sick and cold.

i could double lock the door. but as i;m sayingthat i'm churning and i just don't wantto know,,,

he's just out of it - its his stress defence. he could sleep for days if he's stressed.

i think he's taking drugs, i really do. it's just explaining why i feel like i'm the only one on the reality bus

oh sht. iREALLY REALLY dont want this to be happebing. frank line is still full. WHYY?????????/////

OP posts:
Niecie · 30/10/2007 00:59

People always reach their lowest point at night - probably why frank is busy. That and they don't have so many staff on at this time of day.

If you really don't want to know then kick him out and have done with it because you can't live with him like this. You obviously can't trust him and you are going to end up ill living with this much worry and stress.

Original poster
godalmighty2 · 30/10/2007 00:59

ask frank is saying that the colour is right for heroin but the shiny bits aren't.

they say the police won't be able totell unless they send it to a lab and tey are very inlikely to do that for a member of the public.

thats just not great.

plan b

i am going to go and find a walk in drugs sevice, i just don't trust him to tell me.
if he says it isn't and i don;t know any different then what is the point of asking?

so sorry to stress you out. THANK YOU for answering the email, though.

OP posts:
Niecie · 30/10/2007 01:01

Take care. I hope you find the answers you need.

colditz · 30/10/2007 07:57

It's really probably NOT drugs, they don't write on the packets. Sounds much more like something herbal.

riotgrrl · 30/10/2007 11:23

Yup, I have never ever 'heard' of a dealer writing any kind of asda deal on a wrap! I would definitely swing towards some bizarro herbal thing. But so weird.

OMGhelp · 30/10/2007 11:28

Have you tried calling the Samaritans instead of Frank. They deal with much more than suicidal people. Maybe they can help with identifying the substance.
But I would kick him out till this is all sorted. He is LIEING to you, its enough. A little lie to hide a birthday surprise etc is fine but not 7k in money and the possibility of drugs. You need to get him out so that you can sort things out.

alittleone2 · 30/10/2007 13:55

Message withdrawn

BelaWotzLugosi · 30/10/2007 22:28

very good post alittleone2

so glad your life is on a better road, nice to hear your story.

pooka · 30/10/2007 22:45

What does the powder smell like? Cannabis can be very powderly if the leaves have really dried out and its been ground. But does smell very distinctive.

ladylush · 30/10/2007 22:54

You poor thing. Seems as though the trust has completely gone from your relationship and regardless of whether he's on drugs or not, a trustless relationship is a big enough problem without adding anything else to the mix. Hope you manage to sort things out.

Shoelacetripper · 30/10/2007 23:03

The powder sounds like it's probably cannabis pollen - I had it a few times when I was a teenager. Heroin tends to be dirty brown and there's no way he'd not have it with him if he was addicted to that.

The money thing is alarming. My stepfather did that to my mother, and then tried to fill the holes by borrowing off her father, unbeknown to her. It was all over pretty soon after, though if you do fix this up you have to take full control over the ££s or it'll happen again.

chocchipcookie · 31/10/2007 07:17

I have just read all these posts and in my opinion he needs to leave. He needs to leave for your sake, your child's and for his sake too because as long as you are there helping him out nothing is going to change.

If he stays you will probably go crazy with worry about what he's doing and the stress of trying and failing to control his behaviour.

You can't control him.

To me he sounds like a classic addict - immature, self-centred and irresponsible. Whether it's gambling, shopping, drugs doesn't really matter. Why he is the way he is doesn't really matter. He's a useless partner and father in this state and he needs to get out and sort himself out.

You need to look after yourself because he's going down and it sounds like right now he's taking you with him.

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